A
female
age
36-40,
*elentlessheart
writes:My fiance and I have been engaged for almost 2 years, been together for almost 3. We've always had a healthy habit of fighting, but I have communication issues I've been working on. We haven't gotten married because of financial reasons and then a medical problem I have got worse and I'm now on disability. I'm trying to find part time work- because I quit mine and moved out of state when he lost his job, and soon after started receiving disability. He hates his job and does nothing but play World of Warcraft, and we've fought so much about it that I've kind of given up. I know we are both depressed, he refuses to get help even though he has anger issues(he's never put his hands on me, and never will), PTSD and ADHD. I've been cheated on in every relationship I've been in and my Dad passed away when I was 15, and I've never bounced back from these traumatizing events completely (does anyone really truly heal??) We've been working on issues because I started feeling like he may be attempting to cheat on me, and I've always been weary of all his female friends. I now understand I can't not trust him because of my past relationship issues. I stopped checking his e-mails, facebook and phone- for well over a month and half. I trust him as much as I possibly can, but thats not good enough for him, he says if I can't trust him completely than we have nothing. We've built a life together, have pets we can't part with, a shared apartment, car, etc. I am really trying to better myself by focusing on losing weight and getting back in school and a part time job. Is he ever going to believe that I do trust him, but I can't just heal these wounds I have overnight and now he doesn't want to rush into getting married and pretty much just went to bed because he didn't want to talk about it. Is there anything I can do to trust more than I'm already trying to? Is this doubt in my head ever going to go away? I trust him more than anyone, but is that enough?
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (15 January 2011):
 I used to play WoW, so I definitely know the pull of the game. It is mildly addictive -- I know for about a month after I quit, all I could think about were the fun times. At one point, I would've loved to have quit my job and play all day, but I never really let the game get out of hand. I had my "wow" time.
At any rate, they just came out with a new expansion, so I am sure your boyfriend has his hands full of new and exciting things to do. It is a fun game, but unfortunately it does take up a LOT of time and much of the time is spent sitting around waiting for things to happen (one of the reasons why I quit).
I am not sure how much time he is playing, but if it is cramping your relationship, it's time to have a chat with him about it. There are sites out there to help with warcraft / gaming addiction (www.wowdetox.com is one). But ultimately, it has to be his decision to want to quit or at least cut back.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, relentlessheart +, writes (15 January 2011):
relentlessheart is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for both for your suggestions- In ways you're both right- I'm just glad that I'm finally opening my eyes and not just sitting and doing nothing. I will definitely check out those books eddie85. petina1 you're completely right. He does try and give up some time for me, but it's nothing compared to the time he spends with his guild on WoW. Half the time I have to wait 5 minutes just to say something, he forgets what I tell him because of the damn game. It's definitely an addiction for him- and I do think he hates his job because he's even said he wishes he could just quit and play his game all day. The problem is.. does this addiction ever end or is the year and half I've been waiting for it to deminish just a waste of my time? I love this man more than anything and he's been good to me, he's got issues, but so do I...
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (15 January 2011):
There's no compelling evidence in your post that he is cheating on you so I think you are out of line in your thinking. It sounds like you guys argue a lot. I am not sure what the nature of your arguments are, but most people that are engaged to the love of their lives don't argue much. They simply get along. I think your paranoia about him cheating is misdirected suspicion that your relationship isn't really working out (I could be completely wrong, however).If all of your previous relationships cheated on you and your current boyfriend seems to not have much ambition and plays WoW non-stop, I think the person you should be asking questions about is: you. It would seem that you have a knack for finding losers, boys (not men) and like (bad) drama-filled relationships. I would like you to read "10 stupid things women do to mess up their lives" by Dr Laura Schlessinger. There may be some answers in there for you. You may also find it useful to read "Bad Childhood, Good Life" by the same author.
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A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (15 January 2011):
 These games 'world of warcraft' take up so much of their time, i don't think he could be cheating on you. He should be trying to get another job though,one that he does enjoy. He won't be looking though whilst he's on game. Maybe he doesnt like his job because all he can think about is the game. You can't compete because he is addicted to Warcraft. How on earth can anyone have a proper relationship when the game is inbetween them. I would trust him as far as him cheating as that would take him away from his addiction. What I'm saying is that you need to limit his time on there and make him spend time with you. Otherwise you may have to be the one to make the decision of leaving him, he has no time for you and that's why you are feeling unloved and inadaquate because of this.
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