A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok so i want to come close to this girl who has entered my life recently.. but i think i am destined to get only those girls who arent lively at all! Perhaps my ex has set such a benchmark that i dont see any girl who is even near to her in everything...but its been 2 years we broke up and i am over her...but i understand that everyone is different and have unique qualities...ok so this new girl is polite and friendly, but there is no expressions, fun or liveliness in her text conversations! i havent spoken to her on phone yet and i plan to take it easy and approach her really slowly... I dont understand whats wrong... is she busy to type brief texts and put some life to our conversations ? or she's not that much into me? she asks me questions though.. so i assume she is interested in knowing me... this really confused me and i just replied "oh, thats good..tke care" to her today...i am being so good to her and listening to her talks and putting efforts in this..and most importantly, making it lively and funny...but even though she must be putting efforts, her conversations seem so cold and dead...this causes me to miss my ex a lot even after 2 years... who was so active in the relationship and so expressive! ok i dont intend to compare her to my ex but i am not enjoying it... please advice...thank you
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (6 August 2011):
 Whoa, you have not even SPOKEN to her in voice?
You are basing who she is merely by texts?
Texts do not make a relationship. You can not see facial expressions, body language, tone, innuendo, or personality.
You really are not listening to her at all..you are merely tapping out letters on a keyboard hoping to feel something sparkly and fun.
If you want to get to know if she really is "lively" ask her on a date and base your opinion on face to face chemistry. Walk away from the keyboard for your lively fix.
A
male
reader, GoodDog  +, writes (6 August 2011):
 Well, to be honest with you text messages are not the ideal way to communicate and get to know a girl you like.You say you have yet to speak to her in person on the phone - why not give her a call sometime and you might find she's different to talk to than she is texting. Some people write long, drawn out texts - some prefer quicker messages with the 'txt speak' (LOL, BTW, etc)Have you met her in person? If so, how is she to talk to face to face? If you haven't met her yet, why not suggest you both meet up sometime and see how she is with you then.So, forget the texts - they tell you nothing! Speak to her on the phone or meet her face to face!Go for it!
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (6 August 2011):
 Not everyone is the same...and some people hate to text. Not everyone can be like your ex. If texting is so important to you, I suggest finding a new partner, although I daresay that putting this much overemphasis on text communication is a pretty bad sign for the future.
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