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female
,
anonymous
writes: Is it possible to get over a man cheating on you if he's done it over 80 times? I've thought of counselling but a bit scared of opening 'pandoras box'. I thought I got over the first few but the one's that involve people I know who were friends of the family and also a best friends seem to be harder. I can't seem to catch my breath. It never seems to stop long enough for me to deal with the ones from so long ago, let alone the recent ones. I believe in second chances but how many chances are too many? And if I let him go how do I get over the pain of it all anyway wiithout losing complete faith in the world?
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (1 March 2006):
 NO you cant.
A
female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (1 March 2006):
 80 times?
Well I know everyone here is against someone who cheats and there is nothing wrong with that opinion.
What is important is what YOU want. Is this man the true love of your life? Do you love him unconditionally? Has he ever put any of the others before you? (other than the obvious that he's Been with them at all.)
I am not taking up for him in any way....he has been a jerk. What you need to decide is...can you live with him as he is? He is what he is and will continue in the future being the person you see now. (Don't ever fool yourself into belief that he will change...he won't.)
Now, the question is can you forgive him? Only you can answer that. Have you ever cheated on him? If not...then you have no perspective on his life. The only way for you to be able to live with this without you always feeling downtrodden and betrayed is to consider an Open relationship. (Yes...open relationships can and do work...not always, but it is possible.)
Think of the freedom of an open loving relationship in which you and he can be 100% honest with each other? Is that something either one of you could adjust too? Could he or you deal with the old saying..."whats good for the goose, is good for the gander?"
First of all...He already Has an open relationship. YOU are the one who feels put upon and disgraced. (yet he has stayed with you...he must feel deeply for you even though he has "Cheated". He is still With you. Rather than saying..."Oh he's let me down so many times." think of it in a diffrent way. "He has had the oppertunity to explore new relationships and I always WIN! I have beat all those women and I am the one with his heart!" Just that little change in perspective is quite an ego boost isn't it?)
Now other people will be quite against a move like this...it is not what middle of the road society expects. Some people are done after ONE cheat. But, you were not? Do you love him without conditions or do you enjoy playing the martyr? You must figure out what modivates you to stay before even considering what you can accept.
What would he do if you cheated? Does he expect you to be home waiting with a hot meal while he samples from the all you care to eat buffet? Does he love you enough to adore you faults and all? If he does, he's very special. If not you are wasting your exceptional heart.
If you have never had an affair to his 80...try one if you think you might be able to accept this arrangement. I think you will find that sex for it's own sake is fun but not the huge deal you believe it to be. Sex with Love is the most precious thing you will ever find but even the most wonderful ambrosia can become boring if you eat a steady diet of it. For some, the adventure and conquest keeps them feeling alive. Does it make them selfish? If they set out to hurt people yes...but there are few options if you only think inside the box. Outside the box can be a very difficult, frightening and yet rewarding and exciting world. Needless to say, you MUST practice safe sex....I really hope you already are doing so...don't count on him to protect you...protect yourself.
If this option shocks you or makes you feel shattered it is not for you. In which case you should leave and see if there is a person more in line with your own hopes. But if you know in your heart that faults and girlfriends and everything, you want to stay...maybe it's worth a try.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2006): Uhhh, no. No chance with this one...80 times? He is not even trying, my dear. Agree with Shania...time to boot Porno Boy to the curb where he can cheat to his little heart's content, and never look back. I have a theory with people who cheat on me...I forgive and forget. In other words, I forgive you, then I forget you. One strike is all you get--I know people make mistakes but a mistake is forgetting to pick up milk or take the garbage out. Cheating involves putting part of your body inside someone else's body--that is calculated and not at all a mistake. Run like hell from this one! You deserve better.
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A
female
reader, shania +, writes (19 February 2006):
 You dont need counselling.....you need another boyfriend! This fella of yours,cannot keep his trousers zipped up.You have given him so many chances....and yet he still sleeps with other girls,he hasnt any respect for you....if he did he wouldnt be treating you like this.Im afraid a leopard never changes his spots....this guy loves his women too much and he will never be satisfied with only one woman.I think its best that you should end it....he is bringing you nothing but heartache.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, ShrinkingViolet +, writes (19 February 2006):
 What!! I can’t believe what you’re saying! It’s obvious that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship and is trying out for a career in the Porn Industry. I don’t think this has ANY reflection on you as a person, and you need to stop thinking about and let it go. You may have low self esteem, and therefore this comes as a big dent to the ego. Forget self-pity, I am woman hear me roar, get angry, you’re not a doormat! There are so many men out there and the world is a beautiful place, and you’ve got the rest of your life to experience wonderful things, don’t waste what precious time you have on someone who makes you feel like this.
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A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (19 February 2006):
 Dearie, if he has cheated on you so many times as u say, this guy isnt even trying to be faithful to u. You seem like a genuine nice and patient person to be able to stay put in this relationship but my own advise is that u should move on.
The mistake you are making is that you arent the one with the problem here,therefore u cant do anything. The decision to change has always been his.
You shouldnt feel any pain and regrets in life and the world because of what happened. first it has nothing to do with u for he is the one with the problem. second,everything that happened should be taken as experience.such should help one to become a better and stronger person to be able to handle and deal with such encounters and much more.
Please remember that they are alot of nice guys out there that will be faithful to u, dont give up or waste your time with this guy.
Go out with friends and meet people. try to occupy yourself with alot of activities this will help u move on.
Take care now and i sincerely wish u all the best.
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