| A
male
,
anonymous
writes: I was in love with a woman and I was going to marry her. We had a really stressful year and I was very busy at work. This other woman from work was flirting with me and things went further than they should have done. I felt guilty and left the love of my life. I regretted it instantly, but people told me to give it some time to think about things. By the time I actually started trying to see my ex she did not want to see me. I panicked and the only person I could turn to was the other woman as all our friends were comforting my ex. I ended up sleeping with the other woman which I really regret. I left the other woman and continued trying to win back my ex, but she says, "how can I trust you again?" She also says that she likes a lot of things about how her life is now compared to when she was with me. Since she has been gone I haven't had a moment of happiness and if I ever got her back I would never ever do anything to loose her or hurt her again. How can I make her realise this and do you think the fact that she managed to remain happy without me means that she doesn't love me as much as I love her?
View related questions:
at work, flirt, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2005): I recently broke up with my boyfreind and I having got over him I really want to get back with him but thats what hurts so much.Who knows whether you can get back with him or not just don't make the mistake I made and bug you're ex if he wants you back then he'll come back to you, if not then move on it may be hard but it'll stop hurting eventually.Always remember the quote "If you love something then let it go, if it comes back its yours to keep and if it doesn't it wasn't meant to be"The best advice I can give you is not show your ex how you feel, keep an eye on them but never get obsessed act like you always have and DON'T plead if she isn't over you she'll come back but if she is there sin't anything you can do !!!Hope my experience has helped you
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2005): No one knows if you can ever get her back. She likely still loves you but she's resigned to the fact that you are no longer an 'asset' in her life-you have become a 'liability'. She sounds like a proud, strong woman so she's not asking you back for good reason. She probably had put a lot of faith into your love and you destroyed the respect and trust. She simply doesn't feel safe or secure with you any longer. Real and lasting relationship has everything to do with the commitments and decisions of the participant and the choices they make in their relationships. You 'chose' to allow yourself to get involved in a purely, sexual relationship. All it was to you, was a meaningless sexual attraction. You learned this the hard way-and you are paying a heavy price for that fantasy.
Trusting someone is a choice so you must give her time and space-because her anger, pain and grief, are clouding her choices right now. She needs the time to think and move on to the next place where she will allow herself to have a life that is open to relationship, love, and commitment with you and for her to do that-she will have to forgive. Not sure if you'll get that. While she is doing that, I advise you is to spend time looking at what happened why you did this to your relationship, and discover your true responsibility for its failure. In other words, what really was behind the motivation for having that affair?Take a good look at 'who' you really are. Then you will be able to clearly map out the ways you can avoid such pitfalls in the future.
Once you own up to your responsibility and learn and choose different behaviors, in the future, she may come around. You have to earn your trust back into her life, hun. And it will take a long time.You might win her back, once again by showing her your good heart, your warm, caring personality, your steadiness, loyalty and reliability; but most of all, by your new found honorable character-and it's so crucial that you are sincere, because she'll see through it. Start working on yourself.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2005): Bub: You have to pay the piper. You screwed up, and have lost this woman. Accept that. You don't hurt people who are emotionally committed to you, without paying a big price. Find someone else. She may never respect you again, and it sounds like she is not likely to take you back. Learn from this mistake- it sounds like you have- and think three times before you yield to tempation again. That is the best you can do under the circumstances. I am assuming you have at least written your former fiance a letter apologizing for having cheated on her, and explaining what you have said at the end of the post, No?
...............................
|
