A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I meet my husband while working abroad and was married for 8 years to a man depended on me for most things, then he got a good job where he was respected and met another woman there. He left me In a strange country with no family with our 4 year old son who has ADHD.He didn't tell me for 6 months that he was with someone else and told me over the last year 4 time that he wanted to come back to us. We have had to move out of the house we built together and it is up for sale, and because there are still bills to pay on the house he has not paid child support in over a year but still makes demands on seeing his son where and when.I wish I could just forget about him and move on with my boy, he was never very hands on with him anyway.Why has he turned his back on us and why we he not pay for his son. Can I get him out of our lives????
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (10 December 2010):
 I think you should consider moving back to your native country. You probably have family and friends there. You might be able to qualify for State financial welfare support until you become independent again. I am all for fathers having access to children but they should support them too. You can take him to family court to get payment arrangements put into place and organise access in a formal way. If you left the country then he would have to travel to see the child. This would be his decision. He freeloaded off you for years so it is hardly surprising that someone like that has gone on to behave badly. If he didn't have any self respect for all those years, he hasn't got enough now to help out financially with his child. There are lots of treatments available for childhood ADHD. You don't have to go down the medication route - diets and therapy can be very helpful in managing the behaviour. Seek professional help and seriously consider going home and starting again on familiar territory.
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