A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I really need some help!Should I forgive my boyfriend of 2 years for cheating on me???The story is quite long unfortunately.3 years ago I met my current boyfriend when I was on holiday, unfortunately I was with someone else at the time who I married a few months later. After 6 months my marriage took the turn for the worst and I was left alone and unhappy. All the while I had been speaking to my holiday beau and he would tell me that he loved me and wanted to be with me. 3 months after my marriage break up I moved from the North to the South to be with my bofriend, so I gave up everything for him.Since we started living together our relationship has been a complete nightmare and I would break up with him at least once a day but as I was living with him, nothing would ever happen and we would still be together.I recently returned home to the North and my boyfriend gave me a lot of hassle so I told him it was over in a shot of complete and utter anger! But I knew that he loved me and would take this on the head!I returned home after a two week holiday and my boyfriend moved out 2 days after I got back. I was talking to my housemates who said they had heard him with another girl!I didn't want to believe it, but I ran to find him and after an hour he admitted to it. He then went on to say that he hadn't cheated because I had split up with him and he wasn't going to feel bad about it!Since then he tells me that he loves me and is so sorry for doing what he did but he still believes he never cheated. He wants to make a go of things and in a moment despair I agreed. He came to visit me last night and we spent all night having "make up sex".Have I just made the biggest mistake of my life or should I give him the benefit of the doubt as he has never done this before???Please help!
View related questions:
moved out, on holiday, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, angelfire1123  +, writes (20 March 2008):
My ex- husband said the same thing when we "split up" and he cheated. Sweared up and down that it wasn't cheating. But face it, it was and he can't even admit that he made a mistake means he's likely to do it again cause he doesn't see anything wrong with it. What happens if ya'll split up again, is he going to run to this other woman again and if so will you take him back again? Do you even really know if he is done with her? When you are really in love with someone you can't be with someone without thinking about that person and if he was thinking about you he would feel guilty about cheating , and obviously he doesn't feel guilty or even sorry for what happened. I know it's hard and that you'll hurt but you have to be strong for you. You should be looking for someone who will treat you with respect and honor and cheating is not a part of that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your help, but the problem is that we weren't actually broken up when he slept with the other girl, I had said it in an angry twist and he had continued to ring me and tell me that he loved me and that he wanted me home, so in my mind and in his, it seemed that he had ignored it.
Also, in relation to the comment about my husband, the reason we broke up was because he had cheated on me and got another girl pregnant while I worked in Ireland for 3 months.
But thanks for your comments.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): I guess technically you both were broken up while he had sex with this other girl in Your Bed....so I can't tell you if you should let him off on a technicality, you know him better than I do.
What bothers me is the relationship, not the cheating. You were in a brand new marriage and the whole time you were talking to a guy who met you on holiday and knowing that you were married tried to steal you away from your new husband with I love yous.....and you wonder why your marriage tanked?
First off, I think it says alot about both of you and your level of maturity that you "gave up everything" to move to be with this guy you barely knew and moved in with him right away and then your relationship was a completer nightmare breaking up with him daily but not being able to follow through because of your living arrangement.
Now you have run off from him and he punishes you by sleeping with a girl in your house knowing that your mates would tell you about it, and then moving out 2 days after your return.
You don't have much love going on here, nor do you have much of a relationship. It sounds to me that you have a very sort of codependent relationship where you puposely fight and punish each other. This isn't healthy, the constant breaking up is a hallmark of an unhealthy relationship, it isn't stable, there is no respect trust loyalty, cherishment or commitment here...only drama.
I hope that you will stop having sex of any kind make up or otherwise with this guy....you two seem to have based your relationship on that too much, if you were honest, that is all you two have, good sex and not much else. That is not going to make a relationship for you, it is great that it is great, but it is not enough to be happy.
It is your life and your decision, but I think you can find someone more stable....Are either of you children of an alchoholic? If you are, you may have codependency issues and could benefit from getting into therapy to learn how to stop your destructive relationship patterns.
Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear, but it is my unprofessional opinion and I hope what ever you decide it works to your benefit.
Take care.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): I think if you love him, you have to give him a chance. You broke it off with him and he had no idea that you were coming back. He tried to move on. He was hurt and was just looking for comfort. Now that you are back, he wants to work things out with you. He could have just said, "Screw it...I'm with someone new." Just watch for sign that he's not really into it...making excuses not to spend time with you, unexplained absences...etc. By the way...I am a woman so this is coming from a woman's mind...Best wishes.
...............................
|
