A
female
age
51-59,
*ate1971
writes:Hello there. I apologise if I've contacted you before. I've been in touch with many, in the hope of finding someone who can relate to my problem. I'm a 42 year old woman. I can 'fancy' some (not many) men, and 'fancy' loads more women. I understand that it's the 'person' that is the most important aspect of someone, but when it comes to the physical appearance alone, if I see a male who is pleasing to my eye, I THINK to myself: 'ooh, he's nice.' But however, when I see a woman who is pleasing to my eye, the feeling in my heart totally surpasses any thought process, and I FEEL a weak crush type sensation - my feeling with regard to the physical presence of a nice woman is a totally different type of fancying to that of the male. I find this to be so frustrating, as to me the sex act with the man is so mindblowingly intimate, yet I just cannot relate to the male face being at all sexually appealing. I've never had those excited infatuated crush feelings on a male, but love the body of the man. I just cannot relate to how the male face is 'fancied' at all. When I do 'like' a man's face, it's in the same vein as if I like a cute animal, nothing further. I cannot believe that heterosexual women can see in a man what I see in a woman. And, I cannot believe that I'm alone in this - is this common, but just not explored or spoken about? It really upsets me that I just can't get the same emotional connection to the look of the man, as then sex would be such a wonderful thing. I'm so jealous of these straight women, as they must feel for men what I feel for women, with the advantage of the awesome penis involved for the amazing ultimate act of intimacy. Two women (I believe) just cannot achieve that level of intimacy - there can never be that same genital penetration - any attempt is merely a simulation of the genuine act. Any help or light shed on this would be hugely appreciated. Many thanks, and I trust this finds you well.All best wishes,Debra. x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (24 July 2013):
Hi there. There isn't much you CAN do about this.
You see attractive things in both men and women, but sexually only in women.
And nothing can really take the place of an erect penis, when it comes to the sexual side of things.
Perhaps as you like to experience the best of both worlds, you could find a man whose body you like, and ask him to wear a mask over his face, with a life size colour photo of a woman's face, whom you would feel attracted to.
And in a partly darkened room, so you don't see the elastic around his head.
This way you get the best of both worlds.
It sounds rather silly perhaps, nevertheless, it might work.
And you still get the very satisfying sex.
I can't really see any other way to work it out.
I am NOT trying to be funny, but it could actually work, you just never know.
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