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male
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*reenman
writes:Help. I'm 35 and I'm so confused. I felt i was being neglected by my g/f whom at times didn't seem interested in me. I felt emotionally disatisfied and told her. Our love life was also non existent. She went away, evaluated our relationship and we agreed to split after she said things could not be resolved. I must have scared her offI am still distraught, although i was not so happy before. Why aren't i happy or relieved it's over despite being unhappy before? I want her, miss her, cant stop thinking of her, thinking of great times in past-holidays etc Now she's gone i'm gutted. She was so strong and adament we should split. How can i win her back? Can i win her back? and whyam i not somewhat relieved to be out of this situation? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): Man rule out any thoughts of "moving on" You feel and you believe with everything you have that she is the one. Then you fight, and you fight hard. Women are smart and VERY complex Never will the opposite sex fully understand eachother but its your chance to be unique and find within yourself what she desires. You her soulmate, you were built for her, everything you need to win her back is inside you. Believe in yourself and dont take other peoples coming back together as examples, they are all very much different. Dig deep within your heart and mind, you seem very intelligent and dont need other people to tell you how to win your woman back. The answer is in you, your heart. And she knows that.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008): Definitely don't be her 'friend' because you will only help her get over you while she looks for someone else. Don't say I will love you forever and always be there for you, because if you do she knows you will always be her fall back guy.
Don't plead to get her back or use tricks such as sending flowers or 'having a talk' with her about how things can be. You will just end up pushing her away more.
Let her know you're ok with her decision, but don't ignore her totally.
Start by looking at yourself and work out what went wrong. Perhaps it was both your faults rather than just one of you.
When she's ready let her suggest a lunch date or something and keep the conversation light and happy. No moods or drama because she will run a mile.
Think about what you did at the beginning of the relationship that made you attractive to her and do those things again.
Finally, if you do get back together don't let the relationship slip back to it's bad stage again. Keep thins fresh and happy.
Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2006): You don't provide a lot of detail here except that your relationship did not feel as close with her as you needed or would have liked so you told her how dissatisfied you were.
I think possibly your girlfriend broke up with you because she felt you were not right for her because you told her that you were not happy with her. Now she is gone, and you are missing her, and remembering good times.
It is actually great that you are thinking about the good things and not about want went wrong. If you cannot salvage your relationship, that knowledge will help you find what you are looking for in a new woman and what you need from a new relationship.
Since you are 35, you probably know yourself well enough to know how you want to be loved, and what makes you happy, it is really your job to try and help the woman give those things to you by teaching her how you want to be treated. Maybe you tried that with this woman, but maybe you just complained and did not say what it was you wanted, I don't know, but for some reason she did not think she could deliver what you needed from the relationship. Perhaps it was just bad timing, which happens to a lot of us. As painful as it might be, you may have to let her go and who knows once you begin dating again and showing her that you can live without her, maybe she will come back around and wonder why she let you go.
No amount of convincing or pleading will get her back, but if you stay in contact with her, but behave as if you are busy, happy and dating again, she may start wanting what she cannot have-you. You just never know.
Try to get over you feelings of being gutted, it is not that tragic is it? Just remember the good stuff and be glad you had that, you are just one step closer to the relationship of your life, think of it that way.
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female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (31 October 2006):
 Try to stay friends and try to win her back slow
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female
reader, Tine +, writes (31 October 2006):
 i think that you do miss her although i think its her company that you miss. If she left you feel disatisfyed etc. then why would you want to get back with her? if you do then you will go right back to the way you were feeling before, and it will only disappoint you!
If you both agreed that your relationship could not be saved then i suggest that you pick up your life and move on from her. You probably have so many memories of when you were together and maybe you are just hating the fact that you haven't got the company that you once had and this is what you are missing. Also i think that if she was so strong and adament that you both should split then what can you do to change her mind? Has she contacted you to ask you for a reconciliation? If not then turth is that maybe she feels that there is just no point! Try and go on for a while longer without her and get out and try to find yourself somebody who will satisfy you and give you the things you need to be happy, if that doesnt work and you are still longing for this girl back then just ask her out again and see what she says
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2006): i think you are just lonely and although you were happy i think you felt in some way happy to have a companion. are you really sure you want her back?
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