A
male
age
36-40,
*enuine87
writes:I don't know where to really start. But my ex of 3 yrs told me she wanted a break in March of this year. Our relationship had been going on for 1-1/2 yrs long distance b/c I went off to college, but we had decided to stay together. Our 3 yr anniversary was on Valentine’s day of this year, she had cam up to stay with me for the weekend and everything went great I just knew she loved me but that was probably the last time I felt that way from her. To get back to the story when she told me she wanted a break in March I was shocked, but I went on to allow the break to happen, since she had told me we would most likely be getting back together though so I tried to just stand by and support her so she could focus on her life @ the time, since long distance can get to some people at times. Later in May I made a trip back home to visit her only to find out she had been dating someone else. This hurt me even more since I was in love with her. I went on without calling her for awhile, but she ended up calling me telling me that she still loved me and that she knew she was going to marry me one day... All of the sweet talk had me suckered right back in to feeling like well as soon as I graduate, which will be in the spring we would be back together, she even told me one of the reasons why she wanted a break the first time was b/c I took too long to pop the question before hand. The thing is however she was still talking to the guy she claimed she had no real feelings for but claimed him as a homeboy, which she got caught up in the moment with because he was able to be there for her when I couldn't be. I continued to let it slide b/c we would talk everyday and she would continually tell me the two of them won't last and she was just trying to help him get out of the situation he was in. So now to date Oct. I found out that the main reason for the break was for her to not feel as guilty when I found out, even though she never came out truthfully and just told me she didn't want to be with me. I found this out not from her truthfully telling me, but from txt messages I had saw dating back to Mar and from the guys facebook posting of an anniversary date of March. She had kept on denying that the person the guy was referring to was not her and I naively believed her. I'm torn up inside right now and don't know if I can trust someone again. I feel like I’ve wasted so much time and effort in resolving anything between us. I hurt mostly knowing that I was faithful to her even up till today still thinking that we would be back together. I don't want to be with her anymore after this, but now I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore especially with my whole heart. I feel as if now I'm damaged goods to the next person I meet b/c they will never get all of my love. I also wonder will I ever really get over this part of my life (3years)? I feel like I missed out on a normal college experience now b/c I was being faithful to her back home, I didn't even take much time to socialize with many women while being up here in college so she would never think I was cheating and now I'm close to graduating without feeling like I've really experienced everything being in college on my own had to offer. They say things like this make you stronger and wiser, but I'm having a difficult time thinking of anything positive to take from all of this. all I can think of taking from this is never trusting anyone fully, never try long-distance again, take everything someone tells me as a grain of salt when it comes to feelings, and other negative things. I don't want to turn into someone that ends up doing others wrong b/c I'd have a preconceived notion that there just bound to do it to me. If there has been anyone in a similar situation what positive did you take from everything? What ways can you say you learned something that ended up being positive?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010): Positives:You have 3 years of relationship experience which will help you maintain any new oneYou know never to try long distance relationships again (yes dude, this is a positive- not a negative)Going through this is character building, you'll be a stronger, wiser and better person when you come out of this- provided you stay positive."Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes." Alexandre Dumas FilsAnd yes, you will get over this... though you won't forget it. But one day when you're snuggling in bed with your new girlfriend who you love to pieces... take a second to think how you'd probably never have even met her if not for this 3 year relationship breaking down. That my friend is the biggest positive of them all. There's so many unique, quirky, funny, beautiful women out there... and now is your chance to find the perfect one for you. Stay optimistic and positive, stop moping, burn or store anything that reminds you of her, buy a new outfit and meet some new girls! Best of luck aye
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