A
female
age
36-40,
*oti
writes:hi my boyfriend just told me i was overbearing sometimes. i try to not be, but apparently i still come off that way. i mean... i'm not a fan of weed. i'm not gonna be thrilled when he smokes (which is not that often) but if he wants to do it, he knows he can. but he says i have a look on my face that makes him feel bad. he says when we go out he also feels restraint. but i tell him it's fine, he can have fun. but he says when he's with me he feels he cannot have too much fun (getting too drunk and smoke) because i'm a bit of a goody goody (not that much i think).i know i AM very jealous and possessive. and we go out i do cling a bit. i was cheated on before and i just went to treatment for an eating disorder this summer.... so yeah... i'm not all good. i'm super insecure. he's been very supportive in all this and always tells me everything so that i'll trust him. and part of me does, but another part is sooo afraid i'll lose him. how can i change. and how much is there for me to change, and how much is there for him to make any changes. or should it just be me??thank you
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drunk, insecure, jealous, smokes Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 January 2009):
 It takes time to change one's way of thinking about things, the fact that you realize you need to work on this is half the battle. I think you will be just fine, keep plugging away.
A
female
reader, toti +, writes (6 January 2009):
toti is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your reply
yeah, i know i'm still not all good. i am doing therapy but it's still hard to break those feelings away. i'm still oversensitive which is why i ask ppl what they think. i know that what i think right now is most probably not right.
thanks again
-toti
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 January 2009):
Eating disorders and jealousy have a common underlying theme and that is control, the need to be in control. The more the need, the more intense the jealousy/eating disorder. Self-esteem is usually in the toilet as well. I would continue with some therapy and see if you can feel better about yourself. If he has never given you a reason not to trust him, then it looks like you are the one who needs to really work on the situation.
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