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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hey,Okay so there's this guy who I dated than we broke up because he still 'loved' his ex. We stayed friends, which eventually turned to something more than friends... This 'thing' continued for over a year, he asked me to be his girlfriend, but he was leaving for college so I said no. He's now at college and he's all I think about... I can't stop imagining all the girls he must be with, it's seriously driving me crazy. We were both virgins and I loved that he was a virgin, I want to stay a virgin for a long time. ...Except, I've gone down on him quite a few times (ruins the whole innocent virgin thing I had going). He's so amazing and I like him so much, someday I want him to be the one I have my first time with. But I know he's probably already lost his and I want my first time to be the other persons first time too, he probably has girls all over him. Can I ask him if he's still a virgin? I know he's probably going to say he's not and I don't know how I would react... I would be so hurt even though we're not together, so there's no reason I should be. I just can't help it. Also, when he comes to vist, I don't want to 'go down' on him if he's been with a lot of girls. So my question is, can I ask him if he's had sex? Sorry for the rambling of ridiculousness. I just need advice before I go insane.
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both virgins, broke up, his ex, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 October 2011):
 you can ask but he might lie. the only thing you can do is ask for proof of STD testing for proof that he's safe.
but sadly : "I want him to be the one I have my first time with. But I know he's probably already lost his and I want my first time to be the other persons first time too" is unrealistic the older you get...
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 October 2011):
 You are right to not want to go down on him if he has been with lots of other girls, because you would risk your health then because you could catch an STI in the back of your throat or mouth. Well yes it is Ok for you to ask him if he is still a virgin but I would not recommend it, at the end of the day he asked you to be his girlfriend and you said no so now he is away and he is probably trying to get used to college life while also getting over you and if you come back and start asking him personal questions it is going to confuse him even more about what your intentions are. It is up to you what you want to do but if you want to be with him then tell him that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2011): You could ask, but don't be surprised if he gets offended or upset with you asking, as it is a personal thing and not really anyone's business but his. I can understand that you would like your first to be a virgin, everyone kind of wishes that, but it is a bit unrealistic as with many people, the person that they fall in love with that they do have their first time with very often isn't one. The most important thing is to love the person you have your first time with and that they treat you with respect and understanding. Before asking him anything I would try to calm down and find someone to get over this jealousy, as you don't even know if he has been with anyone, and as you said, your not his girlfriend. If you truly care for him don't scare him away by showing him this jealousy you have, just relax a bit. Good Luck
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