A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My bf of nine years had "more than a friendship" with a girl at work. He claims they never slept together and after a lot of revelations and tears, he is trying to make our relationship work again. He says he has cut off all contact with *her* and was visibly distant and depressed for a while. I believe him. Slowly, he is becoming more like the man he used to be.I love him so much but he says he isn't sure he still loves me. But he says he wants to try to love me again. It hurts a lot when I tell him I love him and he doesn't say it back. Sometimes, I get uneasy and ask him questions about how things were with her. We'll start arguing (he defends her!) and he'll end the conversation, saying he doesn't want to talk about it any more until we have a counselor to guide us. We're going to start counselling after the holidays. Can he really ever love me again?
View related questions:
at work, depressed, girl at work Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): I know you have a USA flag, but a mate of mine is going through the same thing with his girlfriend here in UK, it could just be their story, im shocked
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): I think it will take you nowhere asking about this woman, just be ready to let it go or not. If you are, just take it out of your mind...
Now if he says he doesn’t know if he still loves you, maybe he is trying to say something without hurting you... if he is really genuine about it, he needs to figure it out.
Ask yourself about how your relationship is? Are you both walking in the same direction? You’ve been together for almost 10 yrs, do you have the same plans for the future? Just try to be as honest as you can with this. I’ve through it, and I know its hard, we try to fool ourselves, make excuses, try not to see the truth.
Do you guys live together? Why dont you give him sometime? Maybe he will miss you so much and realize what he is missing.
I know its a normal reaction to blame the "other woman" but keep in mind that he is the one committed to you, not her.
Best of luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (12 November 2009):
I'm glad that you're going to start counseling. Yes, he can love you again, but it will take a lot of work and understanding before he does. A lot of things are going to be said,and neither of you may like what you hear. But you can get through it and yes he can lov you again. Work hard at it, and don't expect changes overnight. All the best.
...............................
A
female
reader, Elainey  +, writes (12 November 2009):
It depends on whether are you willing to give him a chance to try anot? Apparantly, he is very honest with you that he isn't sure he still loves me but he says that he is willing to try to love you which means that in his heart you are still important to him. However, love is not about physical responsibility to one another it is also about being faithful in the heart. If there is a change of heart, will that make you happy to be with him again? Two is not always better than one ya.
...............................
|
