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female
,
anonymous
writes: I am an attractive 53 year old woman who is finding it impossible to meet someone who will commit to them. I have no trouble attracting men, but they only ever want sex. As that's not what I'm about I very rarely see them again. What is it about me that men don't want to be in a proper relationship with me? Reply to this Question
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reader, wwww.datinghaven.com +, writes (23 September 2005):
If i may say something, that a suggestion might be of help.
I dont know you and i dont know how you come across to people so im not saying you are like the following etc. just a suggestion.
Theres to main CASE scenerios (cant spell lol):
ONLINE DATING:
Women have a human right to look good, (same with men also), many dating sites allow nude pictures etc. and some women feel sexy when they are naked or semi-naked, theres nothing wrong with this, but some people can type people, many guys who see women naked on those sites see them as 'sluts' or 'a shag'. Also excessive posing can give the wrong impression. Simple stuff like having your hand dont your underwear or trousers/skirt can do wonders for the males imagination and it simply means you want it (it being sex if you were unsure), same with touching your breasts. Also please note many men and women on these sites are specifically only looking for sex or to cheat.
OFFLINE:
Well, you didnt mentioned phone or cyber sex so to have sex you must have met those online thats if you use that method.
If you do offline dating and stuff your appearence could be why.
BUT TO CUT A LONG STORY SHORT....
WHY do you have SEX so EASILY with these MEN?? That makes you a SLUT in many MENS books.
Some of these guys probably date many girls before picking one to become their girlfriend, getting in bed so easily will likely make the bloke think you are that s word and leave you out of the picking process OR judge you by the sex, if the other girls better at sex then you, he probably choose the best one @ sex! But if you didnt have sex he wouldve more likely rated upon looks and personality!!
If you want a RELATIONSHIP you need more RESPECT for YOURSELF. These men you choosing dont want you in a relationship, many probably dont even like you.. they only after the SHAG!
You need to make men wait longer, many guys rather date those playing hard 2 get then just so easily getting into bed, as the sex means alot more, this excludes those just wanting sex btw. You should date them for a month first before sleeping with them.
Hope this helps, and sorry for the S word, but i think if you considered my points you would have more luck...
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (21 September 2005):
 I don't think there's anything about You that's wrong. You're entitled to want what you want, and with a worldwide population of nearly 3 billion men, there's bound to be a few out there who want the same things. Hold out for your desires!
Be sure that you're going out with men who already have similar tastes and mindsets to your own, by looking for potential dates at social events that interest you. Avoid pubs, clubs and other alcohol-fuelled meat markets like you would The Pox. Drunks do not make good relationship choices.
If you need to take an evening class in Auto Maintenance or Hindi or Pagan Rituals to meet someone that has an outlook similar to yours, then do that. As Irish said (below), if I guy disappears when you won't have sex immediately, consider that you've dodged a bullet and keep looking.
I wouldn't advise it as an exclusive avenue of dating, but consider getting to know people online too, as one of your methods of finding men to date. Simply because the textual medium requires it, things move much more slowly that way, and I find it's a good way to get to know men as friends. From there, well, it can progress.
Don't feel pressured and don't feel like a failure. The men who are passing you by are the failurres. Just be strong, keep a positive outlook and plan on being happy with whatever you do. That's a pretty irresistable combination to anyone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2005): Dear, I think you are selecting the wrong men to date. Then again, if you don't date a variety how will you find the right one? You will know HIM when he saunters into your life. He'll be the guy, that will want to spend time with you and get to know you...just for YOU. He'll be the one that has respect for YOU. But it is a fact, that the majority of men do date to get sex! Why do men do this? Because they can. But for a lot of guys, that's just the minimum relationship requirement. You just got to find the right one.
And if you have the self-respect and dignity to NOT give some men what they want (sex) right out of the starting gate-then hats off to you, woman! Men who want only sex aren't worth it. Be content to know that you are a beautiful, strong woman and you know what you want in a relationship and that is...love & committment. So if you date some guy and you DON'T bed them and he leaves...then take it as a blessing. He's a player and he's just wasting your time. Move on to the next one.
So never, ever think there is something wrong with you, dear. You just have to be patient and wait for the "right' one to come along...and he will. Give it time. But in the meantime-get out and date casually (no sex!)-have fun meeting new social contacts and making wonderful friends.
Keep a positive attitude, smile, laugh and enjoy life. It will happen. Take Care.
Hugs,
Irish
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