A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my guy for a few months. We've had sex 6 times, and each time he "finishes " after less than a minute. Until me he hadn't had sex for 4 years, and is 36 years old. How long is normal for this to happen after such a long period of inactivity? When should I start getting worried? Is there something I can do to change the problem? I don't wanna bring it up to him because I can tell he's embarrassed, so I don't know if this is a problem he's had in the past. Please help! I really hope this will get better. I would stay with him regardless of if it changes or not. I just would like to know what can be done if anything.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009): viagra doctor perscription or yohimbe suppliment from walmart vitamin section should solve problem
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, not my name, your situation is very similar to mine. It makes me feel hopeful when I hear your situation improved after being pretty much the same as where I am now. Thanks so much for the uplifting words!
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (9 December 2009):
 He may not have a problem at all. He may simply be getting over excited at having a new body to explore and having not done it for so long.
The guy I have been seeing for the past 5 months had a similar scene. 37, was in a loveless long term relationship in which he had not had sex with his partner for 4 years, and to top it off - did not like the idea of taking matters in to his own hands so to speak. In fact he said he had lost all interest in sex and it was like his 'dick was dead' coz he didn't even get random boners over any sort of stimulus. It was little wonder that once something (me) inspired his buddy back to life he only lasted a couple of minutes.
Over time tho, he slowly built up his staying power and now typically lasts 15-20 minutes - plenty of time for me to have multiples.
Like yourself I wondered initialy if he had a problem, but I was willing to give it some time and see if we could work on it, and it turned out there was no issues there at all. He was just getting over excited after abstaining so long. Give him a chance and perhaps time will tell what his true prowess is.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (8 December 2009):
 http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/relationships/tips-144.html
the basics, google on premature ejaculation for more tips.
Holding up an orgasm (within reason) makes it more intense for both men and women. So, a guy who knows how to control it would also do it during masturbation. And if he hasn't had sex in four years, he would have masturbated.
But if he never really learned to control it or think it was important then he might have forgotten or never learned it.
But as said, premature ejaculation can be dealt with. It was already a common question when I was young, and there are plenty of tips on methods.
Bring it close, stop, relax, bring it up again. Works on both men and women,although i think it should be against the law for women to need even longer :P , and makes the orgasm for both more intense (as long as you don't take it to extremes were you loose sensitivity).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell the second time around, its more around 3 minutes. I agree, he probably does need 2 be retrained. Its just very hard because I myself can never tell when its gonna happen until it is too late.Is it normal for this to happen after abstaining for so long? He seems to believe that is the problem.
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A
female
reader, 2boysmom +, writes (8 December 2009):
I agree with satindesire.
If he's considerate, he will help you get there FIRST however many times you desire, and then he gets his turn.
Most of the time, my hubby and I loosely have a rule of thumb that I orgasm at least 3-4 times (finger/tongue,toys) before he penetrates or gets finished orally.
It's not a hard-and-fast rule (pun intended) because we sometimes like it when he just throws me down and have his way but 80% of the time, that's how we end up. Sometimes, I get mine but he just wants to chill afterwards--works too.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (8 December 2009):
I don't think that you should be afraid to tell him. If he's your boyfriend and he cares about you, he should want to satisfied you in bed sexually. Of course you want to tell him tactfully that way you don't embarrass him or hurt his feelings. But does he ever mastrubate before you have sex? I've known some men that do this so they can last longer. It won't necessarily be 10 minutes longer, but hey, he might last 2 or 3 minutes instead...so possibly he can do that along with the retraining suggestion.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): I totally agree, and wanted to add...he probably 'trained' himself to be this way because if the only time he has ejaculated in the last four years was from some self flaggelation, then he probably got it over quickly.
He needs to re-train :)
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy +, writes (8 December 2009):
I would say that if a guy of 36 finishes in 1 minute, then he has always done this. Might be a reason why he hasn't had sex in such a long time.
On the other hand, if the tensions builds up a lot before you have sex, then guys can get overloaded. Hint: do NOT grind a guy all evening, then give him the blowjob of a lifetime and then expect intercourse to last. Give him time to cooldown as it were. Allow the pressure to escape gently.
And if he blows to fast, does it stop then? If so why? Is he too quick a second time as well?
Premature ejeculation is common enough and the rememdy is simple. Train him. Build up the excitement then when he is near, he must control it and you both must stop further excitement till the moment has passed and then start over. It won't do much for you, but it is as far as I know the official remedy still.
The easiest way might be with you on top, you can probably tell when he gets close. Then you STOP. Wait. Continue. STOP. Wait. Continue.
And finally, 1 minute is more then enough, if you need only 1 minute to finish. A great way to pass the time while he waits to cooldown is to spend time on you. Lot more interesting then watching him think of soccer scores.
Don't take this to far, you don't want to post in a year about your guy doing it for an hour plus and still not coming. Unless your groin is made of kevlar.
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