A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So...My lovelife hasn't exactly been the best... My first girlfriend I dated for two years and she had intimacy problems. She said she'd rather play video games then hold my hand and we never kissed. After two years of dating, I thought if i remained committed it might work, but I fell apart when I realized she had sex with another guy, so there I was emotionally shattered.My second was a lovely girl, who on Valentine's Day a couple years ago she asked me for sex (I was a virgin) and I thought seeing as I wasn't ready, I said no. She screamed at me for being 'inconsiderate' and threw me out of her house and dumped me.Several girls followed, a couple more dumped me because after a few days they wanted sex, and again I wasn't ready and I was dumped each time. The girls that however did not indeed want sex, broke it off early after a week, and for no reason at all, and they all explained I'd never did anything wrong, and was perfect and that they just weren't in a dating phase... despite all of them having a new boyfriend by the next day or the end of the week...And then there was one special girl. She was sweet, funny, beautiful and brilliant! We became best friends (we'll call her Alyssa here hypothetically), and we were very very close. Whilst best friends we shared everything. We both dated different people, and we'd share our thoughts. Until one day, we realized we loved eachother... She came over one day, and burst into tears and told me that we should have dated from the beginning and that I was the one for her. So touched, and so happy was I that I lost my virginity to her that evening...After we'd finished, she wouldn't stop smiling, she said I was brilliant, the best she'd ever had. A couple of days later though, Alyssa came up to me and said there was another guy she kinda liked, and had asked out that very day, and that she'd rather me be the backup boyfriend. So horrified at this revelations, and heartbroken I said if she saw me as Option B I wouldn't see her as an Option at all.... For some reason, like before, I was called inconsiderate for not considering her feelings about 'me being a backup' and refused to speak to me again...So here I am... virginity lost... but the only girl who I've ever loved truly... Or thought I did... I'm emotionally shattered... dating just seems to have ruined me... I can't focus, eat, sleep, I'm so desperate to find someone but I know I'm just going to get hurt in such a way again. Can anyone tell me what I'm doing wrong??
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best friend, heartbroken, lost my virginity, sex with another, video games Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): You might be seeming too available to girls. This can sometimes lower your social value. When you first meet a girl you need to be more of a challenge and a bit harder to get.Your main priority is to make her laugh. You can do this by friendly taking the mick out of her. A bit of tounge and cheek humour will go along way. When texting you should vary the amount of time you text back. Text back straight away sometimes and take 6 hours the next... think when a girl has made you wait ages.. you start going over in your head....what if i put her off..what if i scared her away...so you look in your sent messages to see if you said something bad... then you get a text a while later and your relieved.... instead of her doing this to you...you need to do that to them and they will go through that same turmoil. this all goes towards building attraction for you..then you can let your feelings out. but your social value will be high because you will find she will be chasing you all the time. then reward her with some love.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (6 June 2011):
 Doesn't sound to me like you're doing anything wrong, just sounds like you're picking the wrong girls.
Gotta hand it to you for saying no to sex until you found the right person, a lot of guys would immediately give in and be thrilled at the prospect.
All I can say really is that there is somebody out there for you and you're eventually going to find them and they're going to like you for who you and and it's just going to work.
Don't worry about looking too hard so soon in your life, you're still very young and there's plenty of time to find a girl to settle down with, just enjoy yourself whilst you are young and concentrate on finding a girl when the time is right.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (6 June 2011):
 I do not think you did anything wrong. You had a bad experience.
Obviously, you do not take sex too lighly and had to have your heart involved to participate.
Just like you realized you were not ready that first Valentines Day long ago, Alyssa was not ready for a relationship with you.
My advice: Be appreciative you DID have such a nice experience your first time with someone you cared about, etc. Most first experiences are not our "forever" people. Broken hearts are part of growing.
Next time, date a person awhile and see how they fit with you before taking it to the next level.
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, zebralove  +, writes (6 June 2011):
 I wouldn't be able to tell you what your doing wrong since I don't know you, but I can tell you that we have all been hurt in menny way by love. You must not be desperate because that is one thing girls wont like and wont want to date someone who is desperate. I don't agree with the way your exs called you inconsiderate, you have values and respect for your self wich is a great thing and they should of respected that. I think maybe what you'r doing wrong is dating the wrong wommen? Maybe try different social places then what you are doing now?
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