A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy in 3 months ago went on a first date who was the perfect gentlemen went home and ended up having sex.We contacted each other the next week, then left it for a couple weeks and then he asked me out again. I just said it was a drunken fling and was not that interested and said I was seeing someone else. Even though I was just to put the double standards in reverse to see what he would do. However, I did confess to him it was amazing, well it was good, the best ever.Now he can not stop contacting me saying how much he loved it, how good I am in bed and how much he loved to do it again. Well I do admit I do keep flirting with him as it was good but I have not given him anything since that night and it has now been a couple months.I am amazed by his sexual obsession with me. He keeps asking. Do many guys do this? Strangely I am curious by this. I tend to think guys will not go back to a woman if it was just ok or bad, no matter what ppl say if you offer it on a plate then they will come back as from my experience they don't. They only come back if it is good right? I am now tempted to meet him again, just to see what it was between us? It is so confusing. In all honesty I have never ever experienced anyone that good in bed. We seemed to have an emotional connection when we talked beforehand but now it has just turned into whether we are going to fuck again or not. But, then that is what relationships are half about whether you can get on sexually as well as emotionally.
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (31 May 2008):
 If you aren't sure about his intentions, and he has acted in a rather jealous or possesive boyfriend kind of way with the whole texting you when you're out with someone else, you could meet him for a coffee (not a drink) and have a long conversation with him. Tell him flat out that although the sex was terrific, and you enjoyed (obviously) his company and conversation, you have extreme misgivings about the night because it's not something that you have done before or had planned on ever doing - having sex the very first time that you had met someone. Then ask him if he is willing to take the next part of the relationship slowly. Suggest that you would like to date exclusively, so neither of you are seeing other people, and that you date for "X" amount of time before you cosider having sex again - say one or two months? Then watch his reaction and see if he is willing to try the relationship again under these conditions. Might be worth a try if he is willing! I'm sure most guys would think that this is horrible game playing, but the alternative is having a relationship based solely on sex, which does happen most of the time in this situation. But, you are right, there are always exceptions! Best of luck and hope our opinions gave you some other ideas and options.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIf he just wants a FWB relationship, why would he be bothered about texting me when he knew I was on a date.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThnx for your advice girls again.
But, I actually did not give him the impression I wanted to sleep him again for a good month.
But, I did say yes we did have a good night and maybe we should meet again but gave no promises I would sleep with him again.
He did ask me for a drink again, but then when you get chatting you know it is on the back of his mind.
It was only when I got really mean and told him I was seeing other ppl and why should I bother about him when there were others who wanted to go out with me, did I concede a few weeks later.
He sent me a text when he knew I had a date asking for a drink?
My email was so mean, I felt so bad. So I had to contact him to ask him why and he was surprised that he even got a response from me. I asked why he kept contacting me he just said he loved it.
Aren't all guys like that as you soon as you sleep with them they change come on now most new couples become like rabbits.
I have had a couple of first night sex situations before and they just were not good, to be honest they were plan boring. They never ever called me back and I have even tried to call then and they did not respond. So I disagree with ppl who say men will do anything just to have bad sex as they don't.
And then I even had a friend who after 6 mths of being a friend of mine propositioned me for FWB.
I even once turned down a friend of a couple years who wanted a relationship from me and he never spoke to me again.
So it hard to go back to being friends after anything sexual takes place.
Then look at all the ppl who got to know their partners first and complain about boring sex.
Maybe I should just go with it, most guys do not contact you for 3 months straight, I think it is too hard to go back. He was not being sleazy at all I do not even realise he was interested in me until he kissed me that night.
I am so confused about this and wondered if anyone else had been in a similar situation.
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A
female
reader, Twirly +, writes (29 May 2008):
 Ooo I do think that Birdynumnums has a point, and I think that the only way to find out is to go on a date and see what happens.
He may well just be after sex, but if you go out with him again and play it cool and don't give in, and then see if he still pursues you then you will definitely know one way or the other after that!
If he is just after sex and you want more than that then you can then walk away, but if he's genuine it could be the start of something good!
Good luck and let us know what happens! xx
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (29 May 2008):
By the way, I wrote the answer before I read the follow-ups and my computer was closed on your question. I hope that you follow Twirly's advice.
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female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (29 May 2008):
I doubt very much that he would come back to you if the sex was bad, but the fact that you noticed he is only going on and on about the sex is a BIG HUGE FLASHING BILLBOARD. He is very, very interested in having sex, and because you did have a one night stand, he thinks that you are willing to have sex with him again. Unfortunately, you have also stated that he seems uninterested in anything emotional now, and that is often the case with someone that you sleep with before you have actually had a relationship first, the relationship becomes all about the sex for a guy. Sorry, but I think that if you do decide to continue seeing him, you should probably accept that it's going to be all about sex. If you are sure that YOU can deal with that probability and not let YOUR heart get involved or expect any kind of commitment from this guy, then by all means, consider it a friends with benefits relationship - just don't kid yourself that it will develop into anything more. Sorry if this wasn't the advice that you were hoping for, but I'm assuming that you wanted an honest opinion. Good Luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou are so right Twirly. I am obsessed with worry for sleeping with him on the first night at the time it just seemed like the right thing to do. He was the perfect gentlemen was not being sleazy at all was asking me everything about myself sounded like he was really interested in me as a person. So I just went with it. He sent me all these texts the next day saying he loved it. I was amazed as most guys who are just after sex for a one night stand don't do that. Well I think anyway.But then after not hearing from him for a few weeks and then suddenly out the blue being asked for a drink when I though I was really only a one night stand I decided to see if treating him mean worked. Now we text nearly every few days. I was trying to just meet him as a friend, but now it has got to complex well since I started really flirting with him back telling him he was amazing as well. (He really was though).It is impossible to have a conversation with him without something flirty coming up about our night. I have just never had that before, especially when it has now been a couple months since it has happened. I was going to meet him last night, but chickened out in the end.I really like him and want to get with him, but now just scared.
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female
reader, Twirly +, writes (29 May 2008):
PS I also think that you've totally overcome the worry of sleeping with him on the first date. He's now chasing you like mad so although he was initially cool, your coolness has made him pursue you, so perhaps you could just forget about the first night sex and start all over again with him. Let him take you out, don't sleep with him and then take it from the next date onwards! x
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female
reader, Twirly +, writes (29 May 2008):
Oh I see! That's much clearer now!
In your original message, the bit about you leaving it for a couple of weeks seemed mutual, but yes, I can see how you would have been pissed off!
In that case, it seems to me like you've succeeded in making him really want you by playing hard to get!
I think you should maybe just go for it, if you still like him, as he's obviously very into you now!
I guess it proves that the saying 'treat em mean to keep em keen' really works!
Im not sure how to explain his overt sexual talk with you, other than to think it's his attempt to woo you back!
Do keep us posted on what you decided to do!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah it was because we did not see each other for a couple weeks so I got a bit pissed off, so I decided to play hard to get, you know don't want to be the clingy female, trying to test him out.So after weeks of not seeing each other and after he asked me out for a drink I told him I thought it was a drunken fling (even though I knew it wasn't we were sober in the morning) I said it just to see what he would do. But, I did tell him we did have a good time and maybe we should meet up with friends first and then see if we like each other. He just said we can't go back and how good it was.Then I went so far as to say I could not go out with him as I was seeing someone else because it had been a couple of weeks to try and tell him a lot can happen if you do not hear from anyone, I am going to move on. You know if he is not going to call then I am going to look elsewhere, what am I suppose to do.After that endless texts message and he texted when he knew I had a date to ask me for a drink. After that I decided to concede and told him I really though he was amazing in bed. Now I get loads of flirty sexual texts from him in fact that is all he talks about, however isn't that what all relationships are based on. Relationships without sex or boring sex lives don't work. I guess I just confused by it as none of my past boyfriends were that explicit about wanting sex.
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female
reader, Twirly +, writes (29 May 2008):
Im a little confused by your question, Im not quite sure why you told him you were seeing someone else and that it was just a fling. Was that bit true or are you saying you only said that to see what he would do?
If it was the latter, Im not sure why you would do that if you liked him and had a good time!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut he hasn't since 3 months ago. He has not got a thing from me! So why would you keep calling after so long. You would text a girl for 3 months for bad sex, your rather sad.
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