A
male
age
41-50,
*eftforanother
writes:My ex and I dated for 3.5 years. She went out with work and met someone. She started to treat me like garbage the next 3 weeks and then finally broke up with me. This was confirmed that it was the first time they had met. She stayed in contact with me for the next two months and we saw each other about 3 days a week and went away together 3 different weekends during that time. She insisted she wasn't seeing anybody, the breakup didn't have anything to do with anybody and that she didn't want to be in a relationship. She was always Brutally honest so I believed her. Less than 2 months after she broke up with me, she got married to him. We were talking about getting married right before she started to act mean towards me. How can she do this? Everyone insists it won't last and that she will come back. But how do I even let that happen? She even wanted to remain friends and regarded this guy as 'just friends' 4 days before they got married. And he was standing right next to him. Can anybody give me any insight as to what the heck happened?
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female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (11 December 2011):
 Hi leftforanother,
Lies, betrayal, deceitful, my best friend, that's exactly how I feel...
I am so glad to hear that you are doing well... I think everybody in life will go trough financial hardship once, I am just happy you were strong enough and you were able to turn your life around and that you are happy now.
I believe that if you love someone, you will always support, accept, encourage, be there no matter what... If you were not doing well financially, she can take charge, and help you and support you until you get back on your feet. If the partner is stress, no spending as much as time, etc... You should be patience...that's about loving someone and being in a relationship. Relationship is being a partner...
You said, you had financial problems, stress, and didn't give her as much as attention as she deserves? You are reasonable and kind man to think this way, but it doesn't excuse what she has done.... If she waited 2 mos? True love waits forever....
This is so confusing...
* 3 1/2 years girlfriends breaks up with you, meet new man within days/weeks. She gets married to new man after knowing him 2 mos?
* green card excuse? Nonsense....
* prenuptial? So she has no financial gain?
* how can she moved on to another man so quickly after being w/you 3 1/2 years and even consider marriage.
* after being married for 1 mo, she comes purposely to see you, and ask others about you....
You described her as strong, honest, stable, ambitious ... But, lately her behavior describe a different person. To me, she's weak, confused, and it's wrong that she comes looking for you after being married to this new guy... She's being dishonest with both men.
Be strong, do not contact her, and try to stay away from her. She's not being rational now, and if you be in touch with her will only make things harder for you... Cheer up.... You will meet someone that truly deserves you.....
Best wishes
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2011): Oh love or rather romantic love it,s the stuff that authors have written for centuries about. Let it go. Your in a better place now. Your relationship couldn't,t have been all that if she married another after a brief mtg , It was fate Her destiny and yours. There will be someone else in your life and you will be better in the long run. Unfortunately, for your ex it looks like she has made the biggest mistake of her life, it was her fate.
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A
male
reader, leftforanother +, writes (10 December 2011):
leftforanother is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe was always brutally honest while we were together. It wasn't until after she met this guy that she started lying to me and becoming wishy washy with her reasoning for everything. I was heavily overworked and my time to dedicate to our relationship was compromised. Money was a problem and I was heavily stressed about it all. I know she was sick and tired of waiting for my promises to come true. But I was unable to do anything about that until recently, when I changed my job and got out of my previous role in the business that I own. If I hadn't, I would be bankrupt and living on the street. No exaggeration. I too can accept the breakup, but it is the lies, betrayal, and deceit that I can't get past. She was my best friend. She also married this guy so quickly because he is here on a work visa and it was to expire. He's from England. She got herself a prenuptual agreement, doesn't take his last name, and hardly wears her ring. It is all so completely weird and unbelieveable. What she doesn't know is that her prenup doesn't save her after he gets his green card. She will financially responsible for him for the next 10 years. She didn't even think it through.Up until all this happened, she was the most stable, ambitious, and honest person I have ever met. I could not have been happier, other than me having to get out of my situation. What makes it even harder is that I am now making more than twice the money, working half the hours, happier than ever with my job, and she is now nowhere to be found. I now finally have the time for our relationship. If she were just honest or waited 2 more months, we could still be best of friends and getting married.Her entire family tried to talk her out of it but she declined and went through with it anyway. It doesn't make sense to be so gung-ho about a marriage but getting herself a prenup and 'falling in love' over the length of a cup of coffee.Marriage is supposed to be forever. This sounds like it was a temporary fix to her then current disappointment and her resentment towards me for not being able to put more into our relationship.She showed up on purpose looking for me 1 month after her marriage to a place where she knew I would be. I just said hi and bye and left. She thought I was to be there the following day as well and she showed up again. I did not go. Before she left, she asked all sorts of questions about me mainly involving where I was moving to and what I was up to. I thought that was very telling, but maybe not.My love for her was unconditional. I haven't spoken to or heard from her in 1.5 months.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (10 December 2011):
Hi leftforanother,
I am sorry for the pain you are going through. I wish I had answers to your questions. I can only imagine how you feel. I am not going to say, I know how you feel, because each individual endures their pain in different ways. I had just ended a 10 years relationship, so its difficult.
You describe a perfect relationship. After being together 3 1/2 years seems like a healthy relationship to consider marriage, you both did talk and in matter of weeks she broke up with you? That's unbelievable....
I know you are in pain, but you mentioned she's extremely honest with you? In my opinion, I do not agree. Why? I cannot understand how someone can get married after knowing each other 2 months? I know it's past, it won't make a different trying to figure this out, but during the last few months of your relationship with her you never noticed anything strange? Her pattern, behavior, phone calls, nonsense excuses, something? Really, who gets married after 2 months dating? Sorry, I know I am not helping you deal with your pain.
In my experience, I don't mind the break up. I accept that, no problem. What hurts me the most was the betrayal. After so many years, so many memories, so many experiences good and bad, so much..... How can the person you love, care, trust the most lie in your face? That's what hurts... That's what goes beyond my mind, how can one person be so cruel, and have no compassion after so many years?.... I am heart broken, not because the one i love left me, but because they had the audacity to disrespect me.... I think if people are more honest with each other we wouldn't have so much heartache.... Being honest would've save a lot of pain, a lot of energy, a lot of time....
Just know that you haven't done anything wrong and this is not your fault. I hope this experience have not changed you. I hope you can be yourself and allow to open your heart for the next love of your life. I don't feel anger in your post, which is a good sign. Being angry will only cause you more pain, you don't deserve that. I hope you give yourself enough time to heal, because it's normal to feel this way for a while. A lot of people feel the need to rush and doing so it only delays the process. it's better to take our time so we can be in peace and go through this hard time in a healthy way... Just know that if you keep re-playing this in your mind will only cause you more pain, you get stuck and you become your own and only enemy. Try to spend time with friends and family. Go out and meet people. Hope you feel better and best wishes... Happy holidays...
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2011): Sounds like your gf was either purposely deceiving you, or it was a convenience marriage for whatever reason. I do sympathize as to what you are going through and your pain. Just remember time heals all sorrows and in time you will find your true soulmate whom will not hurt you in such a way. Stay strong and stay positive and immerse yourself in activities you enjoy doing.
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