A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and it's been a little rocky. The first year or so, although he never cheated on me, he was always texting and calling women he had been with in the past and it always caused problems. He didn't see the wrong but knew it made me uncomfortable and after numerous agruments it stopped. Well now it's year 3 and we have had some problems again. Nothing to do with anyone or anything specific, but just your basic relationship problems. Back in October he went to a family event, 4 hours away while we were arguing. He apparently met someone there and started calling her daily for the past 2 months while we were on a break due to our arguing. I found out and ended it with him completely because I believed it was more than a friendship (he went to see her 4 hrs away a couple of times during our break). He is still saying it was just a friendship, another women's perpective, a shoulder to cry on and nothing happened and he wants to get back together with me. I have trust issues because he's done this before, albiet it stopped for a long time but now I'm back to where i was 3 years ago. He claims he told her he would no longer contact her and she was not to either and he said she was fine with it because there was never really anything there. He wants to commit to me and promised he would never lie and would no longer be in touch with her becuase he knows how I feel about that. He's been away now for 2 weeks on business and my gut is telling me he's been calling and/or texting her even though he said he has not (mostly becuase I am hardly hearing from him). I am able to access his cell records but am reluctant to because I should either trust him or not. My question is, should I check his cell records from the past 2 weeks just for my own comfort before making my decision to get back with him, or should I just trust that he isn't and let it go and move forward with him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2011): check his phone records, if he's telling the truth, stay. if he's contacted her, leave.
A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (10 December 2011):
 Hi,
This is bad advice, but check his phone for your own sanity. It's frustrating, agonizing to always wonder and it becomes exhausting. He has betrayed your trust many times before, and it's not your fault that you became paranoid about his actions. It's unhealhy for you to live this way and it's not fair to you. After 3 years I think you should make a decision, you cannot continue the relationship this way. You stay, meaning trust him completely and try to make this relationship healthy, loving, caring, happy, successful.
Just know that if you check his phone is going to be a deal breaker. So, be ready for anything... ( if by the grace of God turns out to be good, do not tell him and it's your duty to never check again, give him another chance, and just fully trust him )
Anyways, this is only my opinion. I hope you can find the answers you are seeking and finally be in peace. Best wishes. Happy holidays..
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (10 December 2011):
 If you have to check his phone, you haven't got a relationship worth saving. Relationship are built on trust and love, or they are built on nothing at all.Either you trust him and believe she's a friend, or you let him go and save yourself headache and hardship.Your supposed to be a girlfriend, a love partner, not a jailer or his mother.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 December 2011):
 ONE thing i have learned over the years is that TRUST is critical in a relationship. If you do not trust your partner, you cannot have a relationship.
if you feel the need to check his phone records, then that says you don't trust him. And to make it worse for you, what if he knows you can check his phone records and he bought a ten dollar burn phone to use instead? Not trying to be mean, but I was married to a liar. There was NEVER any trust and it is no way to live.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2011): Check his records. If you walk away you will always wonder if he was being truthful. I too was trustful and hurt when I naively kept believing my man only to go out to the bar he hung out at w his bro and discover the truth. Trust is something I believe happens when you get to know a person and their character to be able to stand back and say "I know Joe and this is out of his character". Your still feeling this guy out "my gut feeling". I say check it out for your own piece of mind. If he is faithful you have the proof and can now trust him in the future. If you discover he lied then leave him quickly w/out looking back.
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