A
female
age
41-50,
*nonymous Mouse
writes:A man and his wife had just moved in to manage a small volunteer group. There in the group, they met a several new friends, including me and some members of my family. They start to make good progress with the group. Very soon, he man and his wife became friends with my aunt and sister. As they become more familiar with the progress of each member of the group, the man and his wife compliments me on my good conduct and cheerful personality. Sometimes the man tries to offer me some assistance. I accepted at first. However, as time goes by, I decline the offers, not wanting to seem needy and be a burden on man and wife. Later, I live alone. Suddenly, the man starts to draw away in his communication with me. At times thereafter, the man becomes sad around me and finally, ignores me.Then later, a returning member rejoined the group. The returning member seems like a lot of attention and soon enough, makes friendship with the man and his wife. Now the man feels he has good friendships. However, it has been noted that the man is starting to cause division in the group. The man keeps close friendship with returning member and others who are not progressing in their assignments and responsibilities. He tries to keep his distance with the me and only speak to me when he needs to, and quickly walks away. Yet, there are times when he would hover behind me and watch me from a distance. The man tries to exclude me from group activities and giving me a hard time, while showing favor to his friends alone. The man’s strange personality starts to show to some group member. At the same time, I began to keep a low profile. By now the man seems confused as to why the I am is so quiet.I have a good relationship with almost all the group members, except for him. As times goes by, he begins to slowly take some privileges away from me, without using group guidelines for that. He knows there is no legal reason that any of the other group members would see for him doing this to me, so he tries to convince others to take up certain responsibilities to overshadow the woman. However, some of the other members are wondering about his strange behavior. They don’t seem to know about how he treats her, although some have noticed I'm the only one he does not seem to interact with, only a few times he says something to me. But he seems to be showing favoritism to the ones closer to him. While at the same time, he is making sure the I am so far from being in his circle. He is quite aware that I am contracted to be in it for a certain time. But he does not know for how long.One day he came to head a meeting with some members of the group. He had been gone for some weeks. I was there when he came to the meeting. The others were talking amongst themselves when he came. As he was approaching, he saw me, so out of courtesy, I said a greeting to him, he looked at me and did not answer me and looked away. Then about a minute or so later, a few of the group members asked him why he did not say a greeting to them. He replied that it was because they were talking amongst themselves and he did not want to interrupt. At that, I thought to myself, “If that is the case, why did he not reply to me when I directly offered the greeting?” Then I turned to look at him and he walked off. He acted so strange around me. Then after the small meeting, he gave me an assignment to do and partnered me with his wife. However, he still tried to ignore me.There is an interesting question or two…Is it normal that this man would have the my personal phone number in his possession if I did not give it to him? If yes, who would have done so and why he would care to have it?
View related questions:
moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Anonymous Mouse +, writes (30 August 2011):
Anonymous Mouse is verified as being by the original poster of the question He has been making prank calls to me today. How funny! when i call him back, I get a signal and he's not answering. He's leaving out of town for a month starting in a few days.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 August 2011):
 Ok then, let's assume that he is intentionally going out of his way to spite you. But, since you have absolutely no clue about what could have triggered this sudden turnaround, and do not mention any specific episode , accident or conversation ( except having turned down a lift home, which in general is not a good reason to start hating somebody ) then your guess is as good as ours, it could be anything including that maybe he is just mentally insane, or a sociopath.
Assuming instead that he is in his right mind.. I stick to my previous advice, you won't know if you won't ask if a ) he's got a problem with you b) why and c ) is there anything you can do to work things out.
I understand that an in person conversation may be difficult and awkward , or turn into an argument, so maybe I'll send him an e-mail. Not accusing or making him the bad guy- just wanting to know what is going on ,as you are surely entitled to be informed about it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): @CindyCares: when certain things started to happen, I thought I was reading into things. But as time went on, it was definitely not in my mind. He was trying to spite me. Even saying certain things out loud in front of the group that happen between us. For example: one of the first time that I refused a ride from him to take me home, he mentioned in the nest meeting before the group about accepting a ride from a friend to go home. another example was that when I had a situation going on that's good for the group, he also bring that up in an indirect way talking about it in a scenario, making it look like my accomplishment is not so great. there were certain times when he would do certain things to upset me, then turn and look at me with a sly smile. and certain times when I know he is mad at me for not saying certain things to him, he would stand behind me without me knowing until I turn around, frighten to see him there staring at me. And by the way, he has a habit of looking directly at me when I an talking and not replying. I am not reading into anything that's not there. I am in the situation, so I know exactly what's there. I would talk to him directly, but he's not so easy for me to approach since so many weird things have happened between us so long now.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (29 August 2011):
There is the definite possibility that you are overanalyzing and reading volumes into small things that do not mean particularly anything per se.. ..maybe he did not reply to your greeting because he was distracted or preoccupied, maybe he is having personal issues on his mind in this period and that makes him standoffish- or maybe he thought you were personable and likeable at first, then, alas, he changes his mind and took to disliking you- it happens.
Whatever the reason, if this situation is really troubling you and if you feel this man's behaviour is limiting your partecipation to the group and the benefits you can get from it, why don't you just TALK to him, in a non confrontational way ? " I have got this feeling that at times you avoid me / treat me differently, is it something the matter ? Is there anything we shoukd talk about, or anything I can do to be more efficient and integrated in the group ? "... or stuff like that.
Guess work is often a waste of time, just ASK.
...............................
|
