A
male
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*eithym
writes:Hi there, just wandering where i'm going wrong trying to attract the opposite sex. Its all been going wrong in so many ways pretty much all through my lifeonline dating -Tried this and the girls seem sooo picky on there, even the average looking ones. I even get messed around by girls winking and viewing me lots but not replying to my emails, (even though they're obviously able to reply as the sites show they've opened my messages indicating a paying memeber) what's that all about! so overall dont get many replies and if i do, ans we exchange a few emails, the conversation always ends of fizzling out cos the girl arent prepared to catch up or give they're number out. theres only soo much you can say by exchanging emails bac kand forth, dont you agree?? ..so fruestrating/ I've told my pic is good so i dont know what more i can do.. im a nice guy with good values!Try to make Eye contact - I dont meet many girls so feel under pressure to make an effort all the time to look for signals by making eye contact with girls passing by. Girls seem to hate showing any eye contact with me. In fact it is often quite obvious that they go out of their way to look in the other direction or dont smile back at me. Its not that i'm a creappy guy or anything. why be so rude! try to be a gentleman - I always hold doors open for ladies, or help women with prams prams onto a bus or up a set of stairs stairs but most of the time get no gratitude or smile back to acknowledge it. why do i bother!Throughout my whole life i have found attracting ladies unbelievably difficult. Its like having a sign saying 'unattractive' constantly on my forehead head. But its soul destroying as im trynig so hard and its like hitting my head against a brick wall. I'm 32 and bored of being single for so long, so im determined to work out where the hell im going wrong as its making me feel so miserable and ruining my life.So here you have it, here is one frustrated guy. Any advice out there would be gratefully received? and also it would be great if any girls out there can expalain why they women behave like this? what's the big secret I dont seem to haver been told?Thanks for reading Reply to this Question
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male
reader, rivi  +, writes (14 December 2010):
All yr friends are married............. well can't you just ask them and thru them their wives if any of them know any eligible / suitable women .Almost certainly some in that group will know some single woman and could maybe ( if they like you ) arrange some non-threatening dinner parties or whatever ? I think your ad is a bit bland - it doesn't really give a picture of who you are ........... if you don't mind my being blunt I wd say it comes across as a bit 'goody goody' .Why not be specific about what your job actually is, where exactly you live, where you went to College, etc etc ?And continuing on the blunt theme, although the pic is a bit small..... it wouldn't do your chances any harm if you lost 15 to 20 pounds. So I still think a mixed gym could help plus maybe diet / lay off the sauce for three months. I think during the 3 months workout program you could totally have a vacation from looking hard for women..... do something maybe totally new to expand your mind a bit.... join mixed sex interest groups and make new friends with males - they all might know suitable females down the line. You are thirty something not forty something - so you still have plenty of time. The more you fret and panic the more you make things worse. R E L A X !!!!
A
male
reader, Keithym +, writes (13 December 2010):
Keithym is verified as being by the original poster of the question Chippy2, thanks for your advice but believe me , i have tried just going weith the flow and believing that thimgs will just happen by fate for years, and here i am stil single.
I know this sounds like im being so negative, but the fact is that all my friends are married off and hardly go out anymore. I therefor dont get to to meet girls and so feel i need to force the issue to maek somethnig happen. I am so bored and miserable about being single that If i was to joing a group, i would feel that it the only reason i am there is to try and hitch up with someone which shouldnt be the reason for joining. But if you can suggest some that would be good ;-)
I therefore feel my only forum for meeting girls is by online dating which is in itself demoralisnig as i dont seeem to have any luck. t weould be good if you girls could give me an honest opiniion about my pic and profile that i have to se where i'm going wrong
Please see below
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tagline - Well preserved but not yet pickled!
"Just a normal guy! Easy going, honest, hard working and like to treat people well. I have a great career, happy in my job but it doesnt rule my life.
I love the outdoors, experiencing new countries and doing random weekends away, whether it is mountain biking in the Lake District, or just a stroll in the park. Enjoy nothing more than going out for a nice meal, or Sunday lunch at a country pub
What I'm looking for? I have no massive expectations for a partner but generally if you're easy going, kind natured and fun loving then I would love to hear from you "
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Thanks for your help ;-)
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A
male
reader, Keithym +, writes (13 December 2010):
Keithym is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys but i've never been desperate in the past until now. There only so many rejections you can take befor you crave romance. My friends are all married up so dont think i'll be gettnig any help from them. I just feel inadequate and dont know why i find it so hard when so many people find it easy. im not that shy either!
I just fristrates me when women say they are just looking for a 'nice' guy. Well I can tell you that i'm a nice honest guy, backed up from my friends and have no luck whats over. Basically i believe women are after physical attractiveness a lot more than they want to admit!
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A
male
reader, Kevin1981  +, writes (13 December 2010):
 Hey Dude
I don;t want to sound cocky here, because I don't consider myself a ladies man. But I never sought of had bad luck with women either.
What I've learnt is that you just have to be yourself, and not pretend and try so hard at things. Women, well some women like the simple things in life (which I'm guessing that you're a simple guy, which is a great thing)
Normally I just act myself, and do the naturally stupid things that we all do as people. And for some reason it works, I have tried the online dating thing once and didn't like it. I mean people have just your picture to judge you one and that kinda sells yourself short, yeah I know your profile shows and stuff but be honest who really reads that :)
Just be dude, just be
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A
female
reader, Chippy2 +, writes (13 December 2010):
U are trying too hard and looking in the wrong places. When you are happy with just being with you or being in the moment with helping others or with friends, U will instantly look confident and attractive.
Don't waste another minute on those online dating sites. Do what always suggested. Do what makes you happy. Join some groups. When you are not 'desperate' to find someone it will happen.
Keep your eyes open but don't force eye contact. Smell the flowers at the market. Hone up on your senses. Take a wine class. Anything that will make you more interesting. I am sure you have plenty to offer, but the ladies can sense that you feel unattractive.
The secret is not to look at EVERY woman as a potential but to recognize THE one when she is near. U will see her notice you. But if you both are not whole - it wont work anyway.
So get busy living. Think about what you would like in a woman - the qualities. Write it down. But DONT go hunting.
AND when you do meet someone - DO NOT arrange your life totally to meet her needs. You should both keep up some things of your own. U must value your time and hers. If you value yourself she will too.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (13 December 2010):
Well the prob now is that whatever objectively you have to offer the ladies you're understandably giving off needy or nervous or 'loser' vibes .
As what you are currently doing by way of tactics isn't working you have to start doing different things. Here's a couple of suggestions :
Forget advertising on the internet for gfs for a while : instead try advertising or responding to ads for some nsa sex partners..... getting off with a few females for just 30 mins or an hour's worth of meaningless pants off activity may not be ideal but it will at least reduce the sexual frustration and make you more relaxed. If any of these sex buddies ask to repeat the experience that could boost your confidence.
Try going to a mixed gym : if you are already buff you might attract some admiring glances which might lead to a drink or whatever. If not.... well now's your opportunity to get buff and boost your confidence .
Ask a male friend ( and his gf ) to set up a 4 some evening meal or movies visit or whatever..... some activity you'll enjoy even if it doesn't lead to sex.
Book yourself onto a singles group holiday..... choose one with an activity you like; or maybe something you've never done before like a pottery course or learning a new language or canoeing or whatever - just something new .
Try all of the above and report back on yr findings ! Good luck !
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