A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Married in 1956, yep that long ago. Now after that long ago, I found out that my wife called a guy she dated and was intimate with prior to our marriage. First she said she loved this guy and was keeping in contact, after a lot of talking she then claimed he was just a friend, then it was ok for her to love two men while being married to one. Finally she said she doesent care about this man even though he called her lately and invited her to a bar to have a drink. He calls and i answer the phone and he demands to talk to Joyce alone she laughs and seems to greatly enjoy his conversations, this has been going on for 8 months and i have ask her many times to tell him it is over and she wont. I must mention that she has been very sick for the past 3 years and has only had a few times that she could be with him. She claims that even though she loved him she had not seem him since we married. Can a woman love a man for 51+ years and not see him? and what do i do now.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2008): Start taking control of your life and your feelings. Set your own boundaries and communicate them to your wife. Tell her what you will and will not accept within your marriage. Stick to your words. If she fails to respect you then ask her to leave. Tolerating this is perpetuating it and she is being utterly selfish - because she knows she can be. Unless you force this to a conclusion it will eat you up.
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (21 November 2008):
 It is absolutely possible that anyone can carry an infatuation throughout their lifetime. I have no idea what you can do about it, but I still cherish lovers I knew nearly 45 years ago. If only I knew where they are today . . .
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A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (21 November 2008):
 Oh, I didn't notice that he demands to speak to her. That is RUDE and unacceptable.
You might have to tell her if she wants to talk to him so bad to move out of your home this minute and go be with him.
I didn't quite get it reading it the first time. These people are walking over you and being very rude and unkind. Tell her to get lost and see what happens. Don't let anyone treat you like this, unless you're not telling the whole story and she is very angry with you for some serious reason.
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A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (21 November 2008):
She might be trying to resolve some very old feelings that have been haunting her in a way that she might not have felt she completely moved on?
I doubt she is going to leave you and start up fresh. But it seems everyone has at least one unresolved love some point in their life.
I had a huge crush on a fellow when I was 18 and I never could get him out of my mind for some reason. Never even had a relationship. The years went by and I think I was 31 or so and called him out of the blue out of curiosity.
He was going to be in the city I lived for christmas and said he'd be interested to get together. We spent the day and evening together and after that i never thought about him again.
These days, the man I'd been in a friends with benefits situation with over the past 5 years is someone I've never loved so much in all of my life. He never has felt the same. But even so, no matter who I meet and if I can even love again, I think a part of me will love this man for the rest of my life.
Basically, unresolved feelings can last a lifetime. That's what it sounds to me like or someone who shared things in common that is fun to reminisce about those old days?
Have you told her this has you worried? That it makes you feel insecure and wonder what this says about your marriage?
hopefully she will snap out of this soon, it is the holiday season and people act strange around this time and dwell in the past alot.
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A
female
reader, LittleHelper16 +, writes (21 November 2008):
 it is possible for her to love two people but she should have thought about that when she married you . Getting married means that she wants you and only you. or atleast thats what it's supposed to mean. she is being completly unfair to you ! thats not right at all. Her talking to him alone and possibly has met him before it's just crazy. if I were you I wouldnt' put up with it. Your her husband not him and if she doesn't understand that then you need to move on frfom her because this is not a healthy realtionship for you.
I hope I helped in some way
feel free to message me if you wish
I wish you the best of luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2008): There's something about a 1st Love that's hard to forget (if he was her 1st serious boyfriend)
But I wouldn't worry, 51 years together through all of lives ups and downs creates a strong bond not easily broken. I think she feels flattered he wants her attention. Since she's not hiding anything from you, I think he's just a friend. It seems she's already compared you to him...and she Chose You.
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