A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I talked to a guy for a long time via text before actually meeting him. I loved talking to him and we share the same humour. Upon meeting him I continue to love his personality but I am not physically attracted to him. Can a relationship ever work like that? Can you grow to find someone attractive in that way? It saddens me to let go because of a physical appearance but there is no sexual chemistry.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 May 2017):
 I would give it a chance, sometimes sexual attraction does appear once our feelings grow. Give it three months, if you are still not feeling it then move on. At least then you can say you tried and you didn't give up. Who knows it may work out great for you both.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2017): No. For me personally someone does not have to be stunningly gorgeous but they must be acceptable for me. My attraction builds with getting to know someone but they have to be 'ok' for me. If I am dating someone I will ask myself ' would I have sex with this person? ' if the answer is anything other than 'yes' then you are totally wasting their time and being unfair.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (20 May 2017):
Please do not subject yourself or him to this. For average people sexual compatibility is an important part of a healthy romantic relationship. You can tell yourself it isn't important because the two of you have so much in common. But what you have in common will fade in importance after 6 months or a year or two of sexual frustration. Let this guy go to find someone who is attracted to him and you find someone whom you are both emotionally and sexually compatible with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2017): Okay to you and so many other ladies who write to DC for the same reason; there are times guys don't mind being placed in the friend-zone. If that guy is trying to romance you, be honest then and there. Don't try to hold on someone you decided to label a "friend" for your own selfish reasons.
It should not be thousands of dollars, dinners, vacations, jewels, and a new car later!!!
A full-fledged romantic-relationship 99% of the time will include sex; and the 1% that doesn't, includes elderly and impotent males. Women might be happy with sexless romantic-relationships. That's rarely on the male-agenda.
There are a lot of fellows out there who are a "good-catch."
They're kind, considerate, and generally good people.
They take care of you, listen to your problems, and will go an extra mile just to make you smile. There are selfish and needy-females who play them along, and even get jealous if the guy looks another direction. Not because they love him, or will ever fall in-low with him; but because they know they could go almost a lifetime before you'd ever get a guy in your life like him. No sweetheart, he was meant for somebody else to love him the way he deserves. If he wanted to be your friend, you wouldn't have to manipulate his emotions to place them where you could use them.
Give him a choice. Tell him that you are not attracted to him in the way he might want you to be. If he decides to move on, send him with your blessing. He will have a chance to correct his feelings, and may remain a friend and offer you his love with no strings attached. It should not be under false-pretenses.
Leading a guy on because you like the attention is selfish and deceptive. It's taking advantage of affections you know you do not deserve. If he wanted to be friends, you wouldn't have been writing your post. You wrote because you know otherwise.
Never take advantage of an infatuation. Nothing is more unfair to someone who has a good heart and a wonderful soul. He's a big-boy, he'll just have to understand and adjust his feelings. He will need distance to do that. That's where you'll need to be a big-girl. Get a gay male friend if you just want a great guy who takes care of you without ever wanting sex. That's whole different post, I'm sure will be triggered once I post this reply.
Tell him that you prefer things stay platonic. If he's not with that; you understand. Also tell him that it wouldn't be a good idea to only be friends hoping you'll change your feelings; because that will make you uncomfortable, and it would force you to end the connection to set him free to find someone willing to give him what he wants.
If you have the right kind of heart, you'll do that.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (20 May 2017):
 If he is an amazing lover then yes. I've dated guys that I was not physically attracted to at first. The ones that I fell in love with were absolutely amazing in bed. The ones that were just so so, I quickly lost interest.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 May 2017):
 To answer your headline question: no.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 May 2017):
 Short term? Yes, perhaps.
Long term? I don't think so. I think there HAS to be some physical attraction to build a strong relationship. Of course, there needs more than JUST a physical attraction as well. I say you need both. UNLESS you are both asexuals and not interested in a sexual relationship.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (20 May 2017):
 You can do, if you start to fall in love, but if it doesn't appear within a few months, it's probably best to let him go because the longer you hold on, the harder it'll be if/when it ends.
You both deserve to be found attractive by your partner.
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