A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:can a relationship ever be the same when a partner has cheated.my boyfriend cheated on me about 9 months ago. we had been together for 3 years and hes my first love. he said he was sooo sorry and that he loved me. we got back together but it was never really the same. ive got such strong feelings for him and really love him and i know he loves me too. we recently split again and i find it so hard to not be with him and i know he wants me to, so weve got back together again. can it ever work. during our second split i met a guy who is goodlooking and unbelievably nice and genuine. he really likes me and we met up for a few weeks. hes the only guy ive really liked since my bf and if i had met him without being so messed in the head i would like to be with him. hes soo nice. but ive broken it off with him to go back to my ex because my feelings for him are too strong. can it be the same? have i missed out on an amazing guy because of my feelings for my bf. im so confused.
View related questions:
cheated on me, got back together, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): There are people who make up after one of them has cheated. It is all down to whether you feel you can trust him again.Don't complicate things by going off with someone else as that will solve nothing.
A
female
reader, Hurt4life  +, writes (20 May 2008):
 I wish u good luck, also i hope that he learned that cheating is not the right thing to do in a relationship, i am so hurt because the only man i truly loves, have cheated on me, plenty of times, i always forgive him, but now i can take anymore, i feel like he has make me sick, i can't even move on, anymore... A least ur boyfriend loves u, and don't use u, only for sex, write back, be strong
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): If you can forgive him and allow yourself to move on with trust in him, then yes, the relationship can carry on and even become stronger. This is not about him any longer, it is about your inner feelings and you must not deny yourself - listen to what your heart is telling you. Can you forgive him? Could you trust him again?
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (20 May 2008):
 When a bone is broken and joined back correctly ,
it will become stronger.
If you are willing to forgive him and he is genuine ,
then your marriage can become stronger.
Whether there is cheating or not ,
a relationship will grow and change everyday.
It is like a living thing, you cannot stay at the same spot,
you need to move on.
Some people may tempt with fate and face death ;
when they came back from the point of death ,
they realized the importance of what life is all about.
They learned to value life more.
We are only human and sometimes we are faced with new
challenges or circumstances where we have not experienced and failed the test.
Does this mean that we do not give them another chance to pass this test?
Put yourself in his shoes, would you want him to forgive you?
Let go off the past ,whatever happened in the past you cannot change it .
The important thing is learn how to deal with it and move on.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): Hey, I am currently experiencing similar confusion and pain - my partner of almost a decade cheated on me for several months before I found out - and it has been the most painful and devastating thing I have ever gone through...and I have been through quite a bit!
I cannot answer your question - I am wondering the same thing myself...but what I can say is that there ARE couples who do actually get past an infidelity and have a "stronger" relationship as a result. It takes a lot of work by BOTH to look at the relationship prior and see what lead to the infidelity in the first place...and it takes alot of small steps to rebuild trust and closeness. My partner and I are trying to work through things and we have lots of good days (now about 7 months since affair disclosed)...but there are days I don't know if I can ever forgive him too. I think if you have strong feelings and still have love for your BF you should give it all time....hopefully he is trying vey hard to show you he regrets his actions and that you can trust him from here on in.
I think I do believe that some people who have affairs (yes for selfish reasons)really DO regret their mistake...and feel an incredible amount of pain about hurting their loved one and causing such damage to the relationship. I DO NOT agree with one of the other writers that your BF must not have loved you.....infidelity happens for so many reasons...it's a terrible thing to do but I believe he probably did love you and still does, he just lost his way for some reason.
Don't get me wrong - I am VERY angry at my man - and hurt beyond description - I know I will never again be the same person I was prior to this...but I am not prepared to give up on things just yet...and who knows, maybe we will be closer, better, stronger than before - we both have realised how close we came to losing each other and how much we don;t want that...so good luck whatever you do. My heart goes out to you. x
...............................
A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (20 May 2008):
 You didn't miss out on an amazing guy, the timing was just very very off. If it is meant to be then this guy will come back into your life when you are ready. You are not over your ex so there really is no way you could be in another relationship right now so don't blame yourself or worry you let go of a great guy. Jumping straight into another relationship when you are not over the first always spells disaster and would not have worked out anyway most likely. Like you said, if you had met him when you weren't messed up in the head it would have worked out so obviously this isn't the right time for you 2. As for you and your boyfriend, the relationship can go on if the other person has cheated. The ONLY way it can is if you honestly forgive him. If you can get past the betrayal and trust him there is no reason the relationship couldn't work out, aside from if he continued cheating but I don't know the situation or what happened etc etc. I'm not saying it was right of him to cheat or that you should forgive him, just simply that there is no way the relationship will last if you have no trust and continue to bring up past issues having never really gotten over it. Will you trust him when he goes out on his own? Or if he is out with friends at a bar? These are things you need to consider before getting back into the relationship. Make sure you forgive him completely. Hopefully he will not make the same mistake twice. I wouldn't be able to forgive such a mistrust but some can. Good luck with everything.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): If your boyfriend loved you, why would he choose to do something to you that he knew good and well would be so devastatingly hurtful to you as cheating? That's not love; that's him having his cake and eating it, too.
...............................
|
