A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey! I'd love to hear from anyone that's experienced something similar to me! The thing is, all my life, I've never been that close to my parents, particularly my Dad, and I think that's the main reason I have low self esteem. I've never really had a father figure to teach me about respect, women, shaving, you name it! I've had to learn those things for myself. It's like my parents did just what was necessary to raise me and no more. They never made any effort with friends, or my girlfriend, when i was with her, never took me places, never got me involved in anything, (and they did have the money!).I've been broken up with my ex for about 8 months now, and I still love her! She broke up with me mostly because my family never welcomed her and my lack of confidence. We had an amazing relationship, but my insecurities practically destroyed it.Since we broke up I've made huge strides with my confidence, joined a dance class, made loads of friends, went to counselling, read plenty of books, but I just can't seem to fill the hole that my girlfriend breaking up with me left.I do my best to conquer my fears out in the world, and then I come home to an empty house, even though there are people there, it really gets me down. I'm doing my best to get over my ex, but i feel like another woman wouldn't accept me because i have no family life to offer her. I just dream of bcoming a confident man who beleives in himself, and i'd appreciate advice from anyone who would take the time to read this! I guess my main question is can a person become brilliant despite having little or no relationship with their parents?
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broke up, confidence, money, my ex, self esteem Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (10 July 2009):
 What is your definition of brilliant? Success at work? Money coming out of your ears? Girls falling at your feet? Or a happy family life?I was born into a huge family, single mother, lots of different fathers, we were brutally abused, but stuck together, three of us ended up with university degrees, and I played sport for my country. On top of that, we grew up as black kids in a very white community, (and all that comes with THAT). I have been very successful in my working life. That is all ok. The brilliant bit of my life is my son, and my lady. Despite all the difficulties in our lives, I believe that if we focus on what we really want, and stay positive when you feel like dying, things work out in the end. My early life was horrific, but not as bad as some people I have met in my life. I do not, and will not speak to either my psychotic mother, or my hopeless father. But I truly love my life now. All the bad things that happen make you the person you are. You have already shown signs of your own brilliance. Live your life to the max, and use your past to create a great future, with or without your parents. If an idiot like me can do good stuff, I'm sure that you can.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (10 July 2009):
 I definitely believe it's possible. It sounds like you are doing all the right things already, and your self-confidence will definitely increase with time and success. A good woman will understand that she's dating you, not your family, and despite your family being rather cold she will enjoy you for the fun, friendly, respectful, kind man that you are.
Be patient and positive and things will improve.
Good luck!
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