A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There is the man about 40, a married one- married with 2 children. The couple are not well matched but they have been together for about 14 years now. I have always fancied him but I never suspected he may be in love with me. Recently he has told me I was important for him. he was after a few drinks but he seemed sober when he was telling me that. He asked whether I would be with him if he had divorced his wife. I was stunned and I still am. Since that night we have had some opportunities to talk and spend some time together and I must admit I have never suspected that 2 people may be so close. He is the only friend I have ever had. He told me he had fallen for me the moment we met. Just to cut the long story short I will skip the details and ask my question: is it possible that he feel the way I do:with butterflies in his stomach and so on? I may be naive but need to know that!please, men, help! I shall appreciate every response
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): I am the one who has written that question. I would like to 'update' it.the guy sent me some msgs telling me he missed me and that I was the only source of joy and balance in his life.but that is it. the next day he acted as if nothing had happened.and he keeps treating me as a friend. what should I think?Is it possible to get over such a crush as his so quickly??help me.i would really appreciate responses frm men and their point of view
A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (18 November 2008):
 My apologies "beginning to" rather than "begging to" in the previous post.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj +, writes (17 November 2008):
As a man of about 40, happily married, with 3 beautiful children and 2 current affairs with young women in the same age range as you, I have to tell you either to stay away from him altogether or at most to have a BRIEF glorious affair that is over and done in weeks at most.
Young women in the mid-20s are incredibly attractive to men of 40. You are still full of life, have the physical perfection of youth and yet you are a women rather than a girl and are begging to develop character in your face and in your soul. Of course he will fall for you. You represent an escape from the pressures and responsibilities and disappointments that he feels in his life. You represent youth that he is losing and you represent possibilities that he feels are closing to him.
He is unlikely to leave his wife. If he does leave his wife and marry you then, as one of the ladies who wrote earlier said, you should not be surprised if in a few years time he cheats on you with someone else because you will no longer represent his escape.
If you must have an affair then make it short and beautiful and wonderful but recognise at the beginning that it must end and must end beautifully. It should be a piece of time outside time that you will always remember rather than something sordid. You must take the responsibility for the end because he is unlikely to do so. You should view the end of the affair and the returning of this man to his wife with their marriage undamaged or perhaps even improved, as the successful conclusion.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2008): doesn't reflect on his character too well if he's telling you he's falling for you while he's still married. If he really did love you, he would wait until after he's taken care of everything in the last relationship.
Move on. You'll save yourself a lot of agony. If he does leave his wife, he will probably stray from you as well.
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A
female
reader, straight to the truth  +, writes (17 November 2008):
He is a married man and you should leave him alone, if he wasn't happy in his marriage he should get a divorce and not try to line someone else up on the mean time. If the marriage is bad enough to concider an affair then they shouldn't be together. If they are still together then you should not even concider seeing this man in anything more than a distant friend.
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