A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Can a married man have a mistress for say 10 years and be in love with her? Otherwise if it was just sex, wouldn't he had dumped her ages ago?
View related questions:
married man, mistress Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (26 August 2015):
If you are the mistress who keeps writing in with the same age group, then move on already. 10 years is too long to waste on any kind of rubbish.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 August 2015):
 I would say yes in a way, but he doesn't LOVE you as he loves his wife. Why do I say that? Because he is STILL married to HER.
He loves the fact that he DOESN'T have to commit to the mistress, can decide exactly how often, where and when they see each other. He gets full control. She ORBITS him, not the other way around.
A mistress IS a dirty secret who gets the leftovers. It's not some great romance or a high distinction for a woman.
She is with a man for the wrong reasons. She is part of a problem (cheating) and while I DO think the main "blame" for affairs is on the married party - I have little respect for woman who thinks because a married guy makes them feel "special" that it's somehow OK for her to BE a mistress.
If you are 36-40 and have spend 10 years as a mistress I feel sorry for you, to have spend those GREAT years of your life WASTING them on a man who doesn't LOVE you enough to be with you, and only you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2015): Just as a friend always says "Sex Is Not A way Of Proving Love". Because he's having sex with her for so long doesn't mean he Wil fall in love with her. He could be enjoying her sex for as long as she is always there to satisfy him but that doesn't mean he loves her.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 August 2015):
 He may love her but he does not love her enough. Or the right way.
...............................
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (26 August 2015):
 These sorts of husband-mistress questions pop here all the time with the similar invective as yours: either the wife wants to be assured that it is just sex so she can win him over OR the mistress seeks assurances that there is more to her affair then just sex.
Both of these, regrettably, seek assurances so they can maintain their victim status in this flawed relationship and thus validate the cheater.
The proper course of action is not to wonder what motivates the cheater. Cheaters have such diverse and unique reasons for what they do that discussing those is to, effectively, play on their turf. People get entangled into cheaters' Why and forget that they are, in fact, emotionally abusing their spouse and the mistress.
As an outside observer to your question, I therefore don't care if the cheater has feelings or is it just sex. Whatever it is he should wonder all on his own because the proper course of action is for all the women involved with him is to dump him, so he can think the answer to that question himself.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2015): Turn the question around about the wife of said man: "if it wasn't love, wouldn't he have just left her?" or "if he loved the mistress, wouldn't he have proved it by leaving his wife?"
Or about the mistress (presumably you): "if she had respect for herself, why would she let herself be a mistress for a decade without getting the love she deserves from a man devoted to her alone?"
He stayed because he liked the sex and wasn't made to leave his wife, which is the "problem" for many selfish people who take lovers on the side; they want the sex without commitment and most lovers will eventually bring up that they want commitment - making them "trouble" and not worth it any more.
...............................
|
