A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Something puzzles me...I have known this man who has been married for more than 20 years.They had a son together and stopped having sex after his birth.They have lived in a sexless marriage ever since.Because she wanted it that way.Refusing help or counseling.Is that normal?Is his staying with her despite the fact there's no intimacy even natural?And most of all, can one be in love with someone that shares no physical contact with?Is he to blame if he leaves her?To have a complete relationship with someone else? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks AngelofLove,
it will take time...but I will forgive myself eventually.
Was it so wrong to love someone that wasn't mine in the first place?Is it my fault that I couldn't be just a play toy for him.Is it so wrong that I confessed my feelings, never making any demands?
Was it so terrible for him that he chickened out with hardly anything to say?
And what's most important-does it really matter?Would I even be here if he were the man I thought he was?
It hurts...it really does.
A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (26 December 2008):
 Dear Anon
I wish you happiness, you deserve to be happy and loved but perhaps not with this guy.
My heart goes out to you, one must feel sadness before appreciating joy. Set your standards high always though, never never setle with someone who may look at you as second best. You are the perfect version of yourself and you yourself deserve the best.
Try to look at this experience as a an opportunity lesson in life that will make your stronger.
You can put a stop to feeling used, stop this person from using you. It may hurt so much at first but the important thing is to regain control of your life.
Before you are ready for a relationship, you need to forgive yourself. It is human to make mistakes. It takes bravery to recoknise when situation is wrong and put is right, even when it hurts.
Positive thinking and a fresh environment will help you find happiness.
Hugs
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks, AngelofLove,my words exactly...I wouldn't...But I am, more than I ever wanted.He can't see it and is in denial.I was very open about it and said that, if what he had was so perfect....why was he even considering being with me.He obviously misses the physical part but intimacy as well.He is obviously not happy with the arrangement....but won't leave.I can't find happiness...just yet.I feel so sad, used and dirty.
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (14 December 2008):
The question can only truly be answered by this man.
Can one love another without having sex with him/her? Of course!
Usually when passion is not returned, love is still there from one or both parties.
It is possible that 2 people can love each other without sex. Providing same 2 people are happy with this arrangement.
Guilt of this man should not be about wanting sex with another person but ending a relationship with his wife before getting involved with anyone else.
Whether there is a third party involved, a lot of honesty and understanding needs to be discussed between husband and wife.
The question you need to ask yourself, if that it the couple were having a perfect relationship with passion and healthy sex life, would you be involved at all?
Hope you find happiness within your heart.
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