A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have huge issues about porn which date back many years ago which turn my stomach and I don't feel I can discuss here. I have explained all this to my boyfriend of two years and told him I cannot have porn in my life and if he wants to watch it I can't live with him or be with him. Some women like or can tolerate porn, some can't. I don't pretend that I can. He knows how I feel but when I met him he had a huge library of it as his ex liked it too and he said it was an aid to getting off, that was all and he could take it or leave it and recently he has promised he doesn't use it at all after our long discussion and realising how much it offended me.Am I kidding myself that he can go from using it 3 times a week for over 10 years to nothing at all. We have talked about moving in and I am really worried that if we do and then I suddenly find out he still uses it that all the trust will be gone. I know some people will think I am controlling and can't tell another person what to do but do you think I am being totally unrealistic here.... I would be interested to hear your views on this. He is a lovely guy and has never given me any reason not to trust him and seems very honest. He said our relationship means everything to him and he has never been happier.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011): Stop after 10 years? I very much doubt it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): Thanks for replying. I agree it has to come from him. Time will tell. Thanks guys : )
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): I would disagree with the previous posters, it's not an addiction at all for most of us (for some it is), it's not something we need it's just an aid. I mean women don't need vibrators to masturbate they can do it without it, like porn they can stop using it to get off.
If he says he can give it up then he can and will but if you use a vibrator or dildo to get off, then you can sweeten the deal by giving those up too. If you want him to masturbate without using any kind of enhancement or tool at all then it's only fair that you do the same. Plus it will be a lot easier for him not to if he knows you're doing the same for him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): You can only be honest and ask for the same in return. One mans meat is another mans poison. You dont have to like or agree with porn. He doesnt have to give it up. Its all about choices.
If he loves you more than porn, he will give it up for you. If he has never lied to you and the library of porn has disappeared. Then i would trust him and try not to worry about things that he did in the past.
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A
male
reader, FamousWarrior  +, writes (31 March 2011):
 I agree MonkDabomb, you cant force him, it has to come to him, he has to realize, you can create opportunities when he gets it
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A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb  +, writes (31 March 2011):
 Just like any other addiction or "drug" like alcohol, cigarettes, etc., your boyfriend can give up porn. It just takes some time and patience and especially willing on his part. He wants to WANT to give it up - if you're forcing him to do something he really doesn't want to do, then you won't get anywhere and he'll still look at it. Don't expect him to be porn-free overnight - it will certainly take time, but give him confidence that he can overcome it and let him know that you're proud of him and love him.
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