A
female
age
51-59,
*eepandmeaningful
writes:I wonder if anyone could give me a bit of advice. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years now, and have just found out for the 4th time that he has been texting an other women. The last incident happened about 3 months ago and this time again its with the same woman. The woman he has been texting is someone he works with, not directly but she works for the same company. He says there is nothing in it and i do actually believe him and he now knows how much he has hurt me doing this over and over. I think my question to everyone is not can a leopard change his spots its more of a is there anything he can do to stop this destructive behaviour. He says im his world and feels deeply ashamed at doing this to me. I told him if he wanted me to leave all he had to do was keep up what he was doing. I have tried to trust him but he knows he hasnt given me any reason to trust him. He does understand where im coming from and has promised to try to stop it, but after we spoke just last night he says he realises how i feel and is so sorry. We have tried between us to make sense of why he does this, could it be a confidence booster, i asked him if he was flattered because she is out of his league and he said no. I have asked him if he wants to be single and he has said no. Im at a loss as to why he does this but i do keep coming round to this destructive nature. Can anyone shed light on this plz as im trying hard to make sense of it all myself.
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female
reader, deepandmeaningful +, writes (4 October 2009):
deepandmeaningful is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks to the 2 people who have replied to my problem. I have asked him the nature of the texts and he says its nothing just friendly. I aslo asked him how he would feel if i did the same thing and he said it wouldnt bother him because there is nothing in it. I told him that its hurtful to my feelings and that this is his last chance i wont tolerate it forever, and if he wants to lose me he is going about it the right way. To caring guy, i have thought about me being his safety blanket and to an certain extent i think this may be true as i have already said i have told him this is it, he does it again and i wont hang about to be walked over. I do worry that i am just someone for him to be with while he is looking for that special someone and he told me that i am the best thing to ever happen to him and that he doesnt want to lose me. fingers crossed he will be true to his world and stop doing it or i will be forced to end it and move on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): I can see why you are upset . You feel that he is betraying you showing attention to other women . Are these texts informal flirting ? Even if it starts as fun, it can lead to a possible affair .
Approach the subject by saying you want a relationship based on trust . Ask about the nature of the relationships and ask if he would like it if you were to copy the behaviour . I am sure he would not .... if he won't stop this then say you are unwilling to tolerate his selfish behaviour . Your happiness comes first , and tell him to text you and flirt ! Good Luck !
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 October 2009):
This is going to sound a little harsh, and I don't want it to, but I'm not sure how else to explain it. You're his safety blanket. When it doesn't work out with one of these girls, he knows he has you. Don't be the safety blanket. Either he stops, or you go. And you have to say it and mean it. Please don't be second best to one man when you can be the world to another. I'm not really that sure he will change. If he wanted to, he would. Sit him down, give him the ultimatum. But think carefully. Don't be second best. You deserve more than that.
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