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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi,I'm a 35 year old single woman. I've been having an on/off relationship with a married man for 2 years. He's a hindu. One minute he says it's just sex he wants, then he says that he cares for me greatly. His actions and his words are often contradictory. He says he can't ever get divorced. Is it impossible for a hindu man to get divorced?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008): Technically his wife can divorce him on the grounds of adultery, however there are likely to be many other reasons why divorce is not feasible. A lot depends on where your Hindu married man lives and how his family and Hindu community view divorce. e.g if he lives in rural India and is of a high caste respectible family, the chances are that the stigma involved could be catastrophic and cause much suffering for the whole family. Divorced women in this type of community may never be able to remarry.
In hindu culture marriages are often arranged by the family. I'm not saying this is a good or bad thing but there can be positive and negative consequences. The Hindu marriage has to be viewed in context - hindu scriptures suggest marriage as a means of creating heirs and building and sustaining a family economy. Love? ...well this may or may not come into it ...certainly isn't to be expected, and sex? ...well this doesn't have to be enjoyed to make heirs.
Confession time. I have been having a relationship with a married hindu man for two years and have thought long and hard about the morals and the potentials. I have come to a conclusion that the nature of human attraction being what it is then this kind of thing is inevitable in rigid systems (religious or otherwise). From what i have seen there is definately a subculture of extra-marital love interest for both the husband and the wife in many hindu marriages (though it seems more often to be the husband).
In my case i do really believe that my(?) married man loves me and we have a genuine and deep affection for each other. However ...I also understand that his wife and family would be devastated by a divorce. This is why I have no expectations of a traditional 'happily ever after' or even of ever being able to live openly with the man i love. For now I am happy with those moments of utter bliss and mentally prepare myself for a time when they may be gone. For those who would like to make a moral judgement on our behaviour ...please feel free ...it is nothing i haven't done already. But you know ...love cannot be parcelled so neatly into strict codes and rigid disciplines and who can say that the inevitable consequence of love between two people is ...a shared bank account, grandchildren and slippers by the fire, we can leave that to marriage.
Back to your love affair - he may be using you, he may love you but it sounds like divorce is not going to happen. Try to fathom your own feelings. Does he really make you happy? Can you live with a part time relationship? Can you accept the likeliehood that you will never live with him? Do you really love him? I think you will find your path here regardless of moralities and legalities.
best of luck!
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (16 July 2006):
 Looks like the answer is Yes, under certain conditions. Check out "Hinduism and Divorce".
http://hinduwebsite.com/hinduism/h_divorce.asp
Also, The Bharat:
http://www.thebharat.com/legal/personallaw/divorce.html
Willywombat has a good point about adultery, by the way. It's one of the few good reasons that Hindus allow divorce, so in effect, your married lover's wife could divorce *him*.
The upshot appears to be that he's just using you, and doesn't really care much about you, his wife or his religion. Maybe it's time to rethink your relationship..?
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A
female
reader, bonym  +, writes (15 July 2006):
 Why are you having an affair with a married man, is that a decent thing to do? No it isnt, whether he can get divorced or not, what you are both doing is wrong and you need to get out of this big mess you are in. He is clearly using you, is religion is not the issue here, its his intergrity. xXx
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (15 July 2006):
 Look, this guy is wanting his cake and eating it!!
If he tells you he cannot get divorced then how about he cannot ccommit adultery either....think about it! He will obey one edict of his religion but not another!!
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