A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,So i'm 20 and lost my virginity recently. It was with a guy I sort of know. I was drunk at the time and so was he. He didn't know I was a virgin and I haven't told him. I don't think it's a good idea he knows.Is there a way he could tell? I didn't bleed or anything but still maybe I was bad?I will see him again and I hope things are not awkward.Do guys think about things as much as girls do? We over think everything.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2010): Not all virgins bleed so this isn't a 100% accurate way to tell and you can get hymen reconstruction surgery anyway so not totally accurate at all.
Normally you can tell by body language (being shy etc.) and performance (Did she just laid down there? Her breathing? Good at oral? etc.)
There is no real specific perfect way to tell. Like I said bleeding can be the original hymen broken or latter if applicable, could be period etc. and someone experienced at sex would likely be good at oral sex although its possible to be good at oral sex without ever having penetrative sex.
Some women find sex painful for various different reasons even decades on after losing their virginity so if the first time was painful it doesn't specifically imply virginity neither.
A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (14 May 2010):
How drunk were each of you?
He probably noticed SOMETHING was a bit unusual. Whether he passed it off as due to his drunkenness, or your drunkenness, or you're being not very good in bed is hard to say.
I'm truly sad your first experience was like that. When you say you'll "see him again", do you mean that you'll encounter him in normal daily activities, or that you intend to continue a sexual relationship with him?
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (14 May 2010):
 I agree with The Realist! If you didn't bleed, there is no way he would know! Since you were both drunk...he probably didn't even notice your inexperience.
If you want to appear more experienced...read up on the art of making love. There are so many books on the subject, I'm sure you can find one! You can even go online!
Yes, we woman overthink everything! Stop worrying! Just consider yourself lucky that he wants to see you again, after a drunken first encounter!
I would suggest you drink less next time! You will want to keep your wits about you!
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 May 2010):
 You were both drunk, but guys can tell. They dont overthink things, and Im not sure if he is chatting on about it with his guy friends really. But Im pretty sure he can tell. Usually virgins are virgins at basically everything, don't know where to kiss, tocuh, how to move, what to do... They are amateurs. No offense, but how can you be great in bed when you've never had sex before. And everyone can tell the difference between someone good in bed and someone who's bad in bed.
Don't tell him if you dont want to, but he might suspect something. Unless you are familiar with sexual interaction from blowjobs, handjobs, anal sex, or anything else. Just the tightness of your vagina wont give you away, its how you act in bed that will give you away.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (14 May 2010):
 There wouldn't be any way that he would know unless someone told him specifically.
Now chances are he wasn't a virgin so he won't think too much of it while it was your first time so it will form a deep memory. As for being bad if you were both drunk I don't think it would matter or he would even notice. I'm sure you performed just fine. Things shouldn't be awkward at all unless you bring up the virginity thing with him and make a big deal about it. Some guys think about things alot but the majority don't.
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