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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been seeing this guy for over two years. During our relationship we broke up twice. First time because he wanted his space, second time because he had someone else and now for the third time he says he wants his space and doesn't want the responsibility to have a girlfriend. He is is 47 and was married and has a child that both live abroad. He sent me an email saying that he was not in love with me but he did try to ride his feelings as he thought that I was the one and that my love was good for him. He also mentioned that there was nothing wrong with me but he felt that there was something I couldn't give him but he couldn't point his finger at and it's something in the soul. The day before we broke up we were together and he was telling me how lucky we are to have each other and our relationship was great. My question is what could have happened and is it true that a man can change his feelings overnight? He says he wants to keep our special and unique friendship. My problem is that I work with this guy and I have to see him everyday. Should i just forget him?Thank you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2006): it's simple - he's weak and completely unaware of his own feelings. lots of people are.nothing changed over night - he didn't go from being head over heels in love with you being completely apathetic about you. he went from being completely conflicted and confused but ignoring everything negative to being completely conflicted and confused but ignoring everything positive. and that, my dear, happens all the time.it could be any number of things. my guess is it's not you, it's him. he sounds immature - how many people get to 47 and still can't figure out their own emotions? he doesn't realize that you're a security blanket for him, or at least, he doesn't realize that he owes it to you to quit jerking you around b/c he hasn't got the cahonas to be a man and deal with the pain of being alone.you're not right for him, that much is clear. and he's not right for you, by definition. women always take that as an insult, to tell them they're not right for someone. it isn't - it's just a commentary. you guys have to work too hard. relationships take work, but not like this. my guess is, even though you've "broken up" three times, it's never really been a clean split. you both ride it out for as long as it feels like you can, and then it becomes unbearable, so you cave. and you fall back into each other's arms, and it feels really comfortable (after all, you've been there a while), and you start to confuse familiarity with compatibility.don't let this go on any longer. take out a profile on match.com or its equivalent and start dating. make a vow, though, that you won't settle down with anyone (that means you won't see them more than once a week) for at least 6 months. you need that time to heal, to play the field, and to figure out what went wrong in the last relationship that kept you holding on when you should have been looking for something more.good luck!!
A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (28 April 2006):
 This man is just not worth wasting any more of your life on.
How old are you?
By now you would have thought that he could at least be grown up enough to know what on earth he is doing. This man is 47 not in his 20's.
He has split with you twice before and now this third time, you have only been with him for 2 years so after the second time and him finding someone else why did you accept him back?
I am sorry to say but this man wants to continue being a player and whilst he wants to do that you will never have a solid relationship with him.
Of course he wants to stay on friendly terms with you as you are a safety net for him but the fact of him saying you are lacking something within the soul etc is his way of saying I want out of this.
Move on and move forward. I realise you see him everyday but if you enjoy your job just keep your head down and don't let him get to you. Start to enjoy your freedom again and being able to be independent.
You will be amazed at how much we give up when we are in a relationship. Go out with your female friends and do things for you again, pamper yourself and feel like you are a million dollars, so that when everything is going downhill again for him and he wants to try and get back with you because you look and exude such confidence you will strong enough to say get lost.
If you don't like your job think about moving to something more exciting instead. He had his chance and now he has blown it.
There are loads of decent guys out there and just give yourself time to be yourself again and then think about the next man in your life but next time I think you will find someone who is so much more grown up.
Let me know how you get on eh!!
BFN
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