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female
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*arge-n-lonely
writes: Lately, I've had time to think about my love life or lack thereof. I'm 18 and I can't find a relationship when it seems like everybody has a surplus of them. I date all the time, but I can't seem to be anything but a sex object. All the guys I meet only want me for sex. My friends and family tell me that I'm a great catch but when I realize that a guy is only talking to me because he might get laid, it's kinda hard to believe that I'm worth a relationship. Can you give me some advice on finding a guy who won't only see me as just a good lay? Reply to this Question
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reader, robinlovescena +, writes (28 April 2006):
 Well, im not saying that you do this, but during the day. try to cover most of your body. Make conversations with guys, instead of sexy flirting. Let the guys that you like or are dating that you do not want to have sex, just a good relationship, that could be more one day. Go for the guys that you know are not interested in sex and that kind of stuff. good luckRobinaka advice gurl
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2006): I concur with Yos. Very good advice. Friendship first is important and using careful selection is the key. Always try hard to find your equal and someone who shares your relationship values. Asking your heart, soul, and body to wait for real love doesn’t seem nearly as hurtful, in comparison to being continually demeaned from warding off some guy who do not value you and only wants to get laid. Listening to several trusted opinions and comments (friends, family) about the guy is equally important. Keep your emotions/ feelings in check...don't get 'blindsided' by love..know what you want and hold out for it. Get to know them but keep using your smarts and commonsense. In other words, think with your brain not your heart, hun. This is the only way. Judging character traits, evaluating flaws and making informed choices about a mate seems far better, than the lust and false love of many relationships that are driven by physical desire and neediness. Do not compromise your values and your heart. If you do this, you likely will go through a whack of guys until you find the right one, just be strong and know what you want. Do not sleep with them, even if he looks gorgeous, is charming and makes all the right moves. Stay confident, stay true to you. Good luck.
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (28 April 2006):
 I recommend dating but holding off on the sex. You'll find out if the guy sees you as more than a sex object if dating you doesn't entail sex. If he is only into you for sex then he'll lose patience quickly. If he stays around and you have fun together with your clothes on, then you'll get to know each other and you'll find out whether the two of you will work in a relationship.
Once you know he wants to be with you for more than just sex, then sex can be added (and will be much better too).
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