A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A friend and I became super friends and confidants.His girlfriend left him for another guy 1 year ago and after having been his girlfriend for 7 years he cannot get over the loss, therefore I had refused to say anything about it. The big mistake I made was to become his web FWB (we masturbated with each others photos naked on the internet) when he told me he did not want anything with anyone and that he was seeing other girls enjoying being single.I was so stupid that I fell in love with him and the most idiot idea to tell him how I felt, so when he didn't answer back I assumed he does not feel the same way. I sent him a text saying please do not misunderstand the affection and friendship and that it is been sincere and had not expected anything in return and do not want to lose his friendship. He replied "Do not worry, friendship as usual" and sent a wink.I really want him so much and though he tells me that friendship is still he is leaving the door open to continue as a friend, will it be that if time and with some space he might give me the chance of winning his heart ?Can I still do something? He tells me he loves me, but I think as a friend. He's really hurt and I wish I had the opportunity to show him how much I love him and the thing is that he feels something and maybe something can be done and I love him very much. Can I conquer this man in such circumstances?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think you all are right. I have to move on for my own good. Thank you very much for open my eyes!
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (31 January 2012):
 I just want to second cerberus answer as it is 100% correct.
The guy doesn't want you and it's time to move on.
I am facing this myself at the moment and it's very very hard, but once you come to a decision to quit (and I believe you have more than enough evidence to do this- as pointed out by cerberus) you will start to feel stronger and can get on with your life.
Never mistake FWB with a loving relationship and don't buy all the cr*p about men taking a long time to recover from break-up. When he meets another woman who he really fancies and wants to be with, nothing will stop him, not even a lost love. Men do not invest as much emotion as women, so they move on quicker and need less time to recover. Sadly he just isn't into you and you have allowed yourself (like I have)to become the bed filler and comforter until his new love shows up.
The best and most empowering thing you can do is quit NOW, TODAY and don't waste another second of your life on him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2012): "he did not want anything with anyone" That means he doesn't want anything with you OP. He wouldn't have said that if he did because he wouldn't have wanted to lose his chance with you by saying that. He's on the rebound OP, you should never go near a person who is still hurt or hung up on their ex, seriously no matter how nice a guy may or how much you may like him as soon as you hear him talk that way about an ex always back off or what is happening now will happen again.
"will it be that if time and with some space he might give me the chance of winning his heart?"
No not at all. How do you expect that to work OP, winning someone's heart is about spending time with them, being with them and them wanting to be with you. Then again in these circumstances for your own benefit it would be a good idea to back way off.
"Can I conquer this man in such circumstances?" No you can't because you're not doing anything to win him over OP. This isn't the 1920's where you just show a bit of ankle, makes hints and guys will court you. You girls are free to pursue us these days too the only problem is he told you not to and that he's not interested in you from the very beginning, anything you think he feels or any signs you may think are there that he likes you are all part of the rebound. OP his heart still belongs to his ex. 7 years to be crushed by her leaving him is going to take a long time to get over and I simply can't see you getting what you want from him at all.
From my experience in rebounds OP you don't stand a chance and to advise you to stay there trying and tell you that you do have a chance in my mind is wrong and even a bit cruel. I think you know you don't though, don't you? This doesn't feel right to you, something feels off and your gut is telling you that this is not going to work out well for you.
Strongfp is right OP, you need to act and sooner rather than later, you're so scared of ruining your chances that you'd rather keep your mouth shut and wait and hope because you don't want to get hurt. But the "what ifs" are killing you right now aren't they? Not having someone you want is far worse when you don't know so you need to talk to him about this. You need some definitive answers and stop being a pussy about this. Life isn't like the movies OP waiting and hoping doesn't do anything. Why would he want a relationship with you when he gets all the benefits of that from you and he can still go off and see other girls? You said it yourself that was a mistake.
The only advice I can give you is to talk to him and let hi know how you feel and ask him if he feels the same and if he wants you. It is very important that you don't settle for less than what you want though OP, if he's flaky "maybe. I like you but not in that way. I'm not ready." or anything along those lines then you know he's not into you and you really should not put your heart on the line with him anymore.
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