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Can 2 people, of different beliefs and morals, be in a relationship?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 February 2011) 4 Answers - (Newest, 12 February 2011)
A male age 26-29, *eperic writes:

Well, I've got a problem, like everyone else on the site here, but, I'd like more opinions than my own, so, here I state my problem:

Can 2 people, of different beliefs and morals, be in a relationship? Especially in High school, where people are at their most self-righteous, and when both parties have been raised in such a way?

I'm Agnostic, who usually says he's Pastafarian for the giggles, she's a ~very~ hardcore Christian girl, as her parents raised her to be.

She's a very Conservative, anti-gays, anti-just about anything the bible doesn't support person, who left her Social Studies class because they went over another religion. I'm just barely to liberal to consider myself mainstream republican, and come from the internet subculture, which is known for having very interesting ideas of how the world should work, which usually conflict with her beliefs.

My friends think that those facts alone should make me want to avoid her, but, she's just such a wonderful person that I can't avoid trying to go out with her. We talk often, and share many different ideas at times, and have humors that match perfectly, as long as I avoid insulting her directly. I have tried to open the subject of a relationship in-directly, but she hasn't responded positively or negatively, so, I have decided to get outside advice: Should I continue with this match made for a talk-radio debate, or will it turn out to be a failure from the start from our differences?

View related questions: christian, the internet

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A male reader, Leperic  +, writes (12 February 2011):

Leperic is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well, thank you for the help. I like the idea of taking classes, but I can't find any my area, so I'm just going to read up as much as I can on her specific "flavor" of Christianity, and maybe try the after-mass meeting idea.

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A male reader, Leperic  +, writes (10 February 2011):

Leperic is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I thank you all for your advice, and I have a small update:

One of my friends tried to broach the subject with her last night, telling her out right I was romantically interested in her, and she told my friend that she could never date an atheist. She didn't give any specific reasons why, but, I don't think one had to guess why she reacted as such.

But, I tried to give her a note, saying I was willing to put aside our religious differences, to try and make a relationship work. After her avoiding me the whole day, I just got around to talking to the same friend about it, and evidently I wasn't to be told about the conversation, so a fight occurred while I was out at lunch, and now my Catholic and my friend are no longer talking to each other.

So, Atheist/Agnostic confusion aside, should I let them duke it out, and leave them be for a while, and then try again, or take some of my friend's advice, and just go with the "No" flow, and try and move on?

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (9 February 2011):

LazyGuy agony auntAh! Beliefs AND morals.

No. Morals go deeper then beliefs.

But you claim she is just such a wonderful person. Just filled with loath bile and hatred for everyone who doesn't fit in her narrow vision of the world. A bit of a contradiction? Haters can't be lovers and she sounds like a hater.

Either you are not as liberal as you think you are or love has blinded you.

In the end, my experience is that this kind of stuff just doesn't work out. Try to think of when a child comes into the relationship. How is the child raised? People often come into conflict about it because sending the child to school X, forbidding it from watching TV show Y brings out the fundamental differences. Will you allow your child to be raised with the idea that creationism is science? Then you are not Agnostic.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2011):

You absolutely should go for it! Especially being so young! Differences make the world go round, and you may learn some things from each other. :)

Of course, if it ceases to work at some point down the road, you aren't stuck with each other forever. I highly recommend, if you decide to give it a shot, BOTH of you go in with this in mind.

And speaking from experience, I would worry if she (or you!) has never challenged her (your!) own beliefs before. But I just regard that as vital to human development.

Good luck!

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