A
male
age
41-50,
*tupac09
writes:Me and my girlfriend are looking at purchasing our first home together. My parents have graciously offered to give us a down payment. They want the house to be in my name which I understand. What should I do if anything so she can't come and get the original downpayment? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008): hey before moving in the home you should get a prenuptial agreement on the down payment that your parents give you, so when the place is being sold, you would get that off the top of the profits. That would make it illegal but both of you would have to sign with a witness.
good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): Would you be able to afford the place without your girlfriend helping with expenses?
Would you be able to get a house without your parents help?
If the answer is no, DO NOT buy a house. If the answer is yes... the two of you should split food, utilities and other living expenses. I'm not sure if she should pay rent. But like some send earlier, if she does, it should be much less than what you will pay, becasue the taxes and insurance are the responsibility of the homeowner(you). For example, if renting a 2 bedroom apartment in your area is approximately 500, have her pay a rent of 250.
As a side note, she should NOT pay for home maintenances either, because it is not her house. These things add up fast with a home and it is the responsibility of the landlord! For example, if you need a new furnace, or a pipe bursts, this will cost you (or your parents) thousands.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2008): You should make it very clear to your girlfriend that she is NOT going to have any part of this home, even if she is makng payments toward it as well. And that you fear her trying to touch your money if you two split. Does she know you feel this way? If you're having her help with payments, I feel she should get something. Why should she help you pay YOUR home off, and help you to make that investment while she gets nothing from it? If you are making her pay toward the mortgage, I feel the fairest thing would be for you to not split it in half, but you should pay most of it because if she were just renting a place, she wouldn't be paying property taxes or home owner's insurance which, on my mortgage is 1/3 of my monthly payment. So, for example if your house pmt. including taxes & insurance costs $1,200.00 & say $400.00 of that money is from property taxes and insurance, I believe her part of the payment should be $400.00 which is 1/2 of the original mortgage payment. As well as half of your utility bills, if you decide to. Make that clear to her, that this is YOUR home, and the way to protect yourself in this situation, (at least in the US) is to have a contract drawn up by a lawyer, and have it notorized by a licensed notory. I had to do that when I was making payments on my ex boyfriend's vehicle that was to be put into my name when I paid it off in full. We broke up, and to protect myself from him taking my car away (it was n his name) I drew up a contract myself stating the agreement, and I had him go with me to a licensed notory, which was just at an insuracne office (banks can do it too) and the notory had to witness us both sign the contract, then they stamped it. It's fairly simple. With a home though, I'd advise that you have a lawyer draw up that contract! Oh by the way, me ex boyfriend made me give him $300.00 before he would agree to go to the notory with me. Talk about selfish..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2008): You're absolutely right to be considering these aspects Stupac. It's called being responsible. Wish I had. I put in the deposit for our house. These were my savings which had taken me 7 years. The relationship lasted 3 years. She got half the house!!
Don't get married. That's even worse. Men gain nothing from getting married.You're just the provider. You take all the risk.
Friends with benefits. Thats the way to do it now. Equality has arrived. We can all buy our own place.
Buy your own place. Pay your own mortgage. Let this girl move in if she wants. Rent free if you want. Or she can pay half running costs and food. Love her like no other. But if, one day, she decides she doessn't love you like she used to. Or if she suddenly says in a couple of years, things are diffrent now. Then OK - you can't stop her moving on. Just don't let her take your money as well as your heart.
This website has input from all over the world and your question is essentially a legal one. Therefore you should take advice from someone who knows the laws in your own state.
The same advice applies to women. You might love someone so much, and they love you so much. But some people, male and female, are just irresponsible with money even though they are lovely people in all other ways. And some people get bored in relationships, or make mistakes with choosing a partner. Thats what we all have to put up with. But then they take half the assets with them, even when they haven't contributed. Cynically, some make a habit of these realtionships and have done quite well.
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A
female
reader, ebi510 +, writes (7 February 2008):
 If you are not ready to marry this woman, why would you think of buying a house and living with her. Do you not respect her or yourself enough to make a true committment? However, the only way is for her to sign an agreement. If I were her, I would tell you to take a flying leap. Your parents are crazy.
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A
female
reader, ebi510 +, writes (7 February 2008):
You should not live with someone until you are ready for a committment. This way you do not have to worry about things like this. However, she would need to sign an agreement or the house is soley put into your name and not hers and then she can just pay you rent.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2008): Is your girlfriend going to be helping you make payments? Wait, I bet you convinced her that it will be like she's paying rent, right? Genius. You don't need our help to screw your girlfriend over. You're a natural.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (7 February 2008):
 Gee, maybe I should take it back. I just didnt realise how cold and calculated people can be these days. I still dont get why you want to set up house with a person you apparently love and you are already thinking about what will happen when you split up.
Your parents obviously love her and trust her very much to do this:)
What a world we live in.
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A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (7 February 2008):
 Ouch Collaroy!
Hmm, you might want to check the laws in your state governing these such issues.
If she establishes residence in the home and contributes to the home, there will be nothing you can do to keep her from getting half the home's value should you decide to break up later. But again, check the laws in your state regarding this statement.
I for one would NOT purchase a home with someone with whom I am not married. It opens the doors for some very ugly issues later on. If you two plan on getting married - do that first then buy the house.
Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, Stupac09 +, writes (7 February 2008):
Stupac09 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshe understands. Her parents aren't helping us out. My parents made the request. If u don't believe me fine. All i asked is there anything I should do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2008): Well if you are already making plans to seperate money and property from your girlfriend, then it doesn't sound like you have long term plans and goals to spend the rest of your life with her. So why are you buying a place with her?? It sounds pointless and like a headache to get into that with somebody that you don't even see in your future.
And if you do see her in your future and you do want to be with her forever, then I don't see any reason whatsoever for you to be dividing up down payments and what not. Is that how your dad and mom did things with their own property's? Is it all in one person's name? I doubt it.
So if you don't see her in your future, DO NOT buy a place with her. And if you do see her in your future, then that's no way to treat a girl that you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you want to be with her, you absolutely should include her in all your transactions. She is part of the family too. I am lucky all of my bf's family's have treated me that way. That's just my opinion.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (7 February 2008):
Hi,
mate are you for real? I don't think I have heard anything so mean in a long time. Here's how I see it: You want to set up home with your girlfriend but you don't want to have the house in both names right? O.K if you are paying for the mortgage entirely by yourself you have a fair point (and I take my comment back about you being mean). However, if she is going to be contributing to it I hope she tells you to go take a jump when you tell her that you want the house in your own name.
As for your parents, you are their son alright.
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