A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:When most men that are approaching me seems to be using the same line the last one used to get me. I am a very successful young woman. A Christian, Community organizer, ambitious with awesome career since out of high school.My last relationship really have made it bad for everyone. You meet a guy, he tells opens up to you. He lost his job and still searching. You accept him, helped him get a job but the whole time he was seeing other women. He travels back and forth and I was supporting me and him for our future together as planned. Who knew?Now I meet a really nice guy who likes me. He has a job but tells me he plans on travelling to his country back and forth for business. Same Bullshit line so now I ran. Who wants to blame me for running?Why do people think this will not affect future relationships? I didn't ask for this life. Someone did me this way. There are predators out there that will woo you and tell you what you want to hear but they are empty barells preying on the innocent to make themselves feel good.If you have same experience please share your happy ending. Because right now I trust no one.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2013): You are right not to trust anyone, its a survival mechanism.But at some point if your mistrust is holding you back in life then its time to lose the fear so you can live normally.You can give in to the fear by forever barricading yourself and avoiding everyone or every situation that triggers the fear. Or you can learn to neutralize the triggers and the fear. It depends on where you're at. Maybe you're still so terrified that your need to avoid outweighs any desire to move forward. I have to respectfully disagree with the poster who says your partner should constantly have to show you proof that he is where he said he will be and with whom he said. That is a sign you are still mistrusting. That is the definition of mistrust which is to say "I don't believe you when you say you're at work, show me proof then I will believe." That's a pretty stressful way to live, not much better than where you're at now. It also isn't fair to the other partner to have to constantly be proving that he is innocent. This constant invalidation of your partner (how much proof will ever be enough?) is damaging to their feelings toward you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGeltlegiant, I might have to try that. The sexually charged comments does give it away for me now. I may have to devise a strategy myself. I think it's luck when you find one that's ready and serious and most of all there's a connection. Thanks for sharing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all. I am just afraid. I have read a lot of relationship books and have pin pointed some of the mistakes I've made. But the minute I let my guards down something crazy happens again. This is when I think I know and have seen it all then another wrench gets thrown in the pieces.Game after game after game. It's too much to discern. When will it stop. Why do I have to live my life watching you to see what you've got under your sleeves.I'm direct why can't people do the same. I just want to live my life.
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A
male
reader, GentleGiant  +, writes (23 September 2013):
You have gone through a lot, yes there are plenty of men out there that just want you bent over or on your back and will tell you anything to get what they want. But do not think that there are not women who do the same thing. I am not going t brag but i am on the handsome side and have experienced almost the same you have. And let me make it clear that the bulk of the meetings or introductions were done by friends and acquaintances and i did not go anywhere near a bar. I am human and i have urges like lets say other people might. But let me make it perfectly clear. I dont confuse or mix sexuality into the dating equation when i first meet somebody. Sex is the last thing on my mind. I am fit and keep my self healthy in eating and life style. The women i first met were almost sweet as honey and like your men promised the sun and moon. I fly all over the country i am only in town once a week and all the other bullshit stories you can think of i have had thrown at me. But the underlying motive is that they want to pork, nothing more nothing less and it is plain as the night and moon is. You knew that yourself you have experienced what i have experienced. Of course like you i was infatuated at first that a 25 year old woman would possibly want to create a relationship with a 19 year old man. But after the first encounter like yourself i became bitter and felt used and abused. The second and third time i started playing their game and throwing some of the bullshit back to where it came from. Then i got a little smarter and just used my iphone and tapped some of the crap coming out of these skanks mouth and fwd to my friends who gave the introductions and just basically put everyone on notice. Some or most apologized and didn't realize that these women were really just perverts and sexual deviates looking for victims. Others didn't reply and today they are no longer my friends or acquaintances. I don't miss them at all. But i have a strategy which i feel works well. First no matter what you think now not all men are a holes or all women skanks. On my first date with a woman i met through family and friends we both agree to do something fun in public and of course it depends on the time of the year. I had not tried this but went on a group date with two other couples who i knew and they were in my age bracket and friends. I told the date that we were going to the beach for some swimming,watersking and volley ball.I looked for her reaction and watched and observed her body language. At our first prelimnary meeting at starbucks we talked, talked and talked. She talked and so did i. I knew we had spark, i should say i really noticed it first and after she felt it also. No where or at anytime at this point did i mention my place ,her place or was there any sexually charged comments or implications. Since the star bucks was close to a large park with a lot of people we went for a walk and finished our drinks. By this point we had been talking , flirting and laughing and just feeling good around each other. I held her hand and told her how i felt comfortable around her and i bent over and gave her a little kiss and she responded and liked it also. So anyways we agreed on the beach date and i suggested she drive her own car in case of what ever and she agreed. This group date was the best thing because the other two couples are truly my friends and we are all close in age. They made her feel welcome and there was the mutual respect,trust stuff that went around. It was a great day for all involved. I saw things about her and my friends saw things about her and it seemed everybody was on the same page and their was no special or hidden agendas. Today almost four years late this great woman is standing beside me now as i try and retell a story i never thought could or would happen. We are happy and this little formula might just might be something you can use in your dating portfolio. I am not sure about your situation but I am sure there is hope for you also. Please reply i would be more than happy to share or offer any other advice if you were interested. Excuse me , i have a star bucks mini date to go to with my sweetheart. I wish you nothing the best in your search for love and happiness. I know deep inside there is somebody out there for you also. Move forward,be brave be strong. xo
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2013): I'm sure everyone woman has experienced some sort of situation that has effected her future whether it be cheating or from a job or other issues. Some people are sent into your life to teach you lessons. for example; to not be so naïve, to remember not everyone is trustworthy, to know your worth, and to be smart about any given situation. I don't know anyone who hasn't been cheated on, but the thing is, just because some "boys" do it , doesn't mean all "men" do it. You don't just hand your trust to anyone, but be smart about it, make them earn it... He could of been telling the truth. I was with this guy for about 2 years, and he was cheating on me all the time when he said he was out with his friends and "working", or, "hanging out with family". Same with the next guy I've dated.The guy I'm with now says the same things but just because they said it doesn't mean he's lying too, but, I do need to be open minded and smart about the situation. If you're with your friends, show me proof, if your with your family call me, if your out working show me what you're working on? Seems like a lot but its really not, eventually you get to that point where you trust again... And if he's honest and faithful, he would have no problem proving it to you... He has even asked me many times to show him proof about things and I was more than willing. Don't let a few past relationships ruin your future, you let them win that way, but pick your head up and take chances. Life's to short to be afraid, to hold back to let the past play a part in the future. it the past for a reason, leave it there!
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (23 September 2013):
 I've met plenty of liars. My ex cheated on me the entire two years we lived together with multiple other partners. I never trusted or believed a soul after that. Not for a long time, at least. Until I realized that I can't keep going on assuming the absolute worst in everyone. if I assume the worst, the worst is what I'll get. So I started to try to have faith again. Since then, I met a wonderful, faithful and honest person. I've managed to let go and leave my trust issues behind. I think when the time is right, you'll be able to do the same. carrying around that baggage is a heavy burden to bare. The world is so much lighter letting go of all of that and not lugging it around everywhere. yes, you may get let down. But it doesn't mean everyone is like that.
Good luck.
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