A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone! Im 22 and the guy that im in a long distance relationship with someone who is 23. I live in Pittsburgh, and he lives in Seattle. We have been together for 2 1/2 months. We met each another last month for the first time. He was supposed to be visiting this weekend from thrusday-sunday. He's been talking about starting a business for a while now.Well we made plans a month ago after his last visit that we would visit each anothor at the end of every month. Just to let you know how our relationship is we talk everyday text a lot durning the day, he always tells me when he is on his way to when he gets to work and when he is on his way home and when he gets home. Whenever he texts me to see how im doing or something he always puts the word baby somewhere in his text to me. He always says goodnight too. This past Sunday he was pretty busy from what he told me. Which is fine. I was having family crisis over here and i wanted nothing but to talk to him. He was playing phone tag between me and his little sister who lives in Texas. Everytime i called he was on the phone with her and everytime she called he was on the phone with me. I dont have a problem with him being active with his family but at that moment i really needed him. So the last time i was on the phone with him that night i was really upset and in the middle of the convo his sister beeped in and i said do you want me to let you go and he said are you ok and i said ill be fine but i was hoping he would stay on the phone with me cuz you could just tell i was really upset but he said ok and went off to talk to his sister without thinking twice about it. I just didnt want to get in the middle of him and his family so i just let it go.Now Monday night i was having another family crisis with a family member who lived in New York. One of my family members got shot(there ok now) but i told him and he wasnt very comforting towards me. He said he couldnt give me his full attention cuz he was doing some paperwork. So once again i just let it go. I just went off to bed. So him and i both said our goodnights like usual. I found out the next day he told me that his sister called him around 3 his time from texas and they talked....Well Tuesday i didnt hear a word from him all day. I waited til about 3pm my time to see how he was doing. I didnt get a word back from him til about 6 or 7 that night my time. He said he was at irs opening his business and getting his business license and all the tax stuff to get his business opened. I told him he should have told me that morning so i didnt bug him. He said he was sorry. That night he also told me that he wasnt going to be able to make it here this trip. He said he was very sorry and would come asap. He said he had to start business class on thruday. We talked that night about everything that happend with him that day. I fell asleep durning our texting. He always will text goodnight if i dont text him back due to falling asleep. That night he never texted me it. Wednesday never got a goodmorning or nothing. He texted me tell me he was his way to work. I talked to him before he started work. Thoughtout the day he wasnt very talkactive to me like he usually was. I told him to call me after work cuz i could tell there was something was wrong. At the end of his work all i got was a text that said "Hey whats up". I called him and we talked. I dont know why he didnt call me or anything. We talked for a while on the phone. He was once again he was not talkactive. Usually he is talking my ear off. He got home and we went to met online to talk like we usually do. He im's "whats up" its always "hey baby" or "whats up baby" but no its was just "whats up". We talk a lot online but last night it was very short and very few words were said. I tryed explaining how i was feeling and that i was really upset. He wasnt very comforting towards me once again. I asked him what he was doing he said "shopping for insurance online" he also talked to me about "he needs to go thought with this 100% or it wont work" it was just very few words said about his reasons about the "business". So around 1 my time he said im going off to bed cuz he was very tired and he had to wake up early at 9 his time to be at class. So we said our goodnights and went off to bed. This morning i wake up about 11:30 my time and didnt see once again no goodmornings or nothing, didnt tell me he was on his way to class or nothing. I waited til 11:50 my time to text him. I texted him "goodmorning baby i love you i wish you luck in class today" he texted back and said " thank you i love you" I sent him one last time saying "I love you too, i want my boyfriend back. Thats all iv heard from him today. Its now 2:45pm my time.I feel my heart is breaking. Every few mins i get all teary eyed. Ive been crying a lot and trying to find ways to just reach out to him and to let him know im still here and that i stand by his side no matter what. I wanna send him an email about how im feeling and make it a very heart touching letter. Ive tryed talking on the phone with him about how i feel and what im going through, but i get all choked up and i just lose my track of mind. I cant reach out to my "boyfriend". He is not acting himself. I just need advice on how to make a really good touchy letter and how to start it off and how to end it. Its the only way i can get it all out there for him without texting all of it. I love this man with all my heart and i know we can make it though this. Ill be starting my classes up for Ultrasound Techanican in Jan. So we wll both be very busy with me going to school and him with his business. We know we are soulmates. We are very connected. I know he feels the same. I trust him 100%! No doubt in my mind he is the one for me. Has anyone else been thought something like this before? and if so how did you handle all of it?I just need really good advice on how to deal.Thank You
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2008): From what you describe a long distance is not the best option for you, as you don't seem to handle the distance well. Now you are avid to feel loved and prioritised, and any action, gesture or detail that does not confirm this will make you depressed and cause disquiet. You should try and solve these anxiety issues as it is not healthy for you or your relationship that you are consumed with petite details that you chew over again instead of dragging them in the open and say what concerns you from the start, to avoid this tremendous restlessness. However, he can grow tired of reassuring you all the time and if you discuss these from the beginning you may realise the details that agitated you, he may not have even noticed. Don't hold back all your complains until you might eventually shout them in his face, one after the other: "You didn't call, you didn't do this or that." Best talk over every problem in its own time, but make sure you filter and bring at the table relevant issues, if at all possible. You needn't write a heart touching letter so as to impress him, simply describe what you feel in a way that doesn't put pressure on him or on the relationship, already challenged by the long distance circumstances. Your condition may be the result of the long dstance that you can't tolerate well; but if you have been displaying similar manifestations in geografically close relationships that you experienced before, you clearly need to solve these anxiety issues before they exacerbate. The distance itself that you can't cope with is very likely the factor that has triggered your state of tenseness, rather than his gestures or supposed changes in behaviour!You are practically upset that he did not pry into your intimity when you told him you were fine, to discover in reality you were not. You must realise that, while feeling blue in LDRs is not uncommon when you are apart, this should not escalate into constant worries or fault-finding. Relationships should enrich your life and boost your moral, they are not supposed to hurt. REthink your relationship and if you can cope with the distance. Look for books and tips that help in LDRs, too. I have found this for you: http://www.longdistancerelationships.net/index.html
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe wants me to visit him badly but my parents wont let me go til he visits at least one more time before. They adore him and they like him more then another boyfriend iv had.
I respect my parents enought not to go without permisson even tho im an adult...
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