A
female
age
,
*absjrp
writes:I feel, when I read or listen some of these question, very awkward: husband/boy friend cheating, girls and wives cheating, etc.My situation is a little different from those: I have been marriage for 21 years (23 yrs. together, 1 son 16 years old, going through his own battles of adolescence). My husband has some psychological problems: likes to wear women's lingerie, as well as other "kinky" behaviors. After so many years of trying to accept those behaviors and his emotional a psychological abuse, I do not feel like having sex with him at all. Our last couple's therapy was a blast; finally I put the cards on the table, and was very truthful on those regards. I do not feel comfortable, because he is a "bully" and some wants to have sex *he calls it "making love"). I do not know where "love" is in our relationship. Could I get some advice? HELP!!! Thank you all, tabsjpr Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tabsjrp +, writes (12 July 2011):
tabsjrp is verified as being by the original poster of the question Once again, I have to thank you all for the answers. Actually I feel better, since I placed my first question and the responses I received. At least I start to see a "little light at the end of the tunnel". I am seriously thinking about dropping out from college and get again a full time job. For the past year, since I am a translator for the agencies of the state I live, I have been doing only translations and interpreter work, which is not constant. Some months I make 3 times more I was doing in my past jobs; others I make $100, $ 200. I need to find a way to provide for me and my son. I don't even know if my husband would be ordered by a court to pay alimony and child support. I am still getting unemployment, but it isn't much and it isn't forever, as we all know.
Best to all of you and God bless you for the good advices. Jane (tabsjrp)
A
female
reader, tabsjrp +, writes (5 July 2011):
tabsjrp is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thank you all for your advises. I really was in crisis yesterday. Finally I had chance to talk to my husband and clarify some of the problems we are going through and the past crisis. He recognizes that he has been a a...hole, a jerk. I do not until when this good talk will last, but I am looking for help too, through an agency we have in my city "Family Stabilization Team".This agency is not a "mediation" agency. They provide family counseling and guidance. The only thing I need to see if we would need to give up on our actual therapists and use just them. I feel that 23 years together is a life time and do not believe in divorce that can not be amicable. My background is different than his. He was abused as a child, by his father and oldest brother. Even though I do not think that should be used as an excuse for how he treats me. I will keep you, "friends" posted. I hope to come back with better news and some solutions. Thank you, and God bless you all. tabsjrp (Jane)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2011): If you are worn down by him, find his ways unacceptable and feel bullied into having sex with him. Don't have sex with him. Maybe question instead if you two are really compatible. You mention therapy, so good for you for trying! But if it is not working that might be because things are just too broken to be fixed. It is OK to throw in the towel and give up on something that is not making you happy and can't be fixed.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (4 July 2011):
 By letting your husband bully and psychologically abuse you in front of an impressionable teenage boy - you are, in fact, showing him that this is acceptable and showing him how to treat women (which is a frightening thought in this situation).
Actions speak far louder than words, especially when during the course of an abusive marriage, a child absorbs and learns by a bad example. As a mother, love IS the thing you should be teaching him, and if you don't have it in your relationship, you should probably follow you own instincts and protect your son and keep yourself out of harm's way. You have to protect yourself and your son until he is a legal adult; get a lawyer and go for full custody.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2011): Well its justified why you wouldn't want to have sex with him. He can't be emotionally and psychologically abusive and expect you to do what he wants. Until he shows respect to you and learns to MAINTAIN it, he shouldn't get sex or any other treat from you. Stand your ground and don't give in until he realizes what a jerk he's been. Hope I helped.
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