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*ion
writes:I have been involved in a sexual relationship with my younger brother for nearly twenty years now. We first had sex when he was twelve and I sixteen. I became pregnant with his child and gave birth to a healthy baby boy. Unsure as to what I should do, I left the baby with my mother in Namibia and went to live in Cape Town. A couple of years later my brother came to visit me there and I became pregnant again. In 1990 I gave birth to a baby girl, and the following year, after having moved to Pretoria, to another. By 1993 my brother and I were living openly together as husband and wife, a situation our family was unaware of. In 1993 I gave birth to our third daughter. We are very happy together as a family, but would like the rest of our family to know that we have have been together as husband and wife. But more importantly, after years of living together, we would like to get married. Please help.Viona Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2006): To each his own. Do not let others dictate to you. Make your own decisions and live by it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2006): I think what it means is that it is easy to dispense our views and with it; our prejudices and our inconsideration or we can have compassion and forgive and say...there is another who is greater who can give justice and mercy and he is the one who is SOLE JUDGE.
That there is pain and anguish in this post; confusion-a desire to do what is right...has moved me and I chose to have mercy over justice.
Let your will be your own...and let the one who has the power and knowledge to do his will.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2006): Reading through the responses to this question, I am amazed to see how the answers have gradually changed from outright condemnation to near acceptance.
Does this mean that in time to come people will find incest acceptable?
With so-called respected academics recommending that incest be legalized, this is exactly where we are heading.
Personally, I don’t find anything wrong with it, as long as it is between consenting adults. After all, all that we are hoping and looking for is happiness. And if you find that happiness with a family member, then so be it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2006): Who am I to judge. I just left my husband and moved in with my ob/gyn. I'm pregnant by him. I told him about your story and he said that there could be genetic problems due to the incest but your children obviously seem to be unaffected. Since you have a large family with your brother, it would not be advisable to change anything other than telling your parents/relatives about your marital relationship with your brother. You are obviously very happy together and that's all that counts. Good luck to you!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2006): Marriage does not constitute happiness.
For too long now, man has dictated what is acceptable. Make your own decision and live by it. Live your lives as you wish, and all will be well.
The wellbeing of your children, though, should be of paramount importance to you. Perhaps, it would be better not to tell your family.
May God bless you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2006): My usual response to such a thing will not be stated herein.
All I can now see are two accountable adults who have determined what they want in life and what happiness will bring. Congratulations; not to many people in North America and UK can say the same thing.
You will do what you deem is best.
It sounds like you have suffered and endured many trials and heartaches over this decision.
Have peace.
All can be forgiven; focus on your children and be the best parents you can both be. Again; it takes more than two people living in a home with a piece of paper that declared them married and who have children...so many children live in homes where parents don't love, respect, and support one another.
Best Wishes.
*hugs*
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2006): Responding and giving advice to questions is not something I usually do. But his particular post begs a response.There are a lot of moral issues that have come under the magnifying glass over the last couple of years. And in most instances people’s perception towards these have changed.Incest though, is the one subject which is still considered in many quarters to be taboo and not something to debate. Over time, man’s views on the subject will change though, as it has done in many other instances.Viona and Lincoln, you are, I’m afraid, twenty years ahead of your time. Bringing your relationship out into the open would cause more damage to you, and especially your kids, than you can possibly imagine.Marriage of course, is out of the question. It would be impossible for you to marry. A piece of paper though, doesn’t constitute happiness. You have been together all this time and really do not need to change anything.Therefore, my advice to you is to keep your secret, and if you feel it is right, and you are happy leading this kind of life, then do so. I would like to wish the two of you the very best for the future.
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female
reader, Lemonpixie  +, writes (4 November 2006):
 This is a tough situation. A few days ago I read a post about a brother and sister who just became intimate recently and I told them not to tell their parents however you 2 have children and are basically married. I can say that marriage to your brother is not legal, unfortunately. But hey in most countries neither is gay marriage and that is something you'll just have to face. But i think living openly as a brother and sister/couple may be a bad idea. You will most likely lose close friends and face rejection from those you love, and scarily enough face some brutal discrimination. This may put your own children in danger as well. I know you two love each other and it is difficult to keep secrets like this...but at least you can be seen in public together. Only 50 years ago black/white couples were murdered for being together and gay's up until recently and still in some places cant even hold hands walking down the street without someone yelling something awful or possibly beat up!
Count your blessings is basically what im getting at. Letting everyone know will only make your lives more difficult! And it could possibly devastate your children. I don;t mean to sound like a mood killer here. I don't really condone whats happened but it has and you two need support, and someone with a level head who wont tell you how wrong you are. I am just asking you to look at the risks your family may face if you reveal this to the world.
Hope all goes well good luck
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female
reader, Sexybum  +, writes (3 November 2006):
 Hey I haven't been on this site for a few weeks but do try to come on as much as I can.... This is one post that has really stood out and if I were to choose to answer any of the questions it would be this one.
First of all to all the people who answered this question by slanderring it and saying that these people are sick I don't know why you bothered to do that. What is the point in giving replies like that and what moderator let the answers go through?!?! You should all be ashamed of yourselves for being so childish anmd offensive!
For all the people who said 'how could you just come out openly like that? or how can you admit it??... I'd say to you who are YOU contradicting!! Dear Cupid is a site that anyone can come to for advice... Viona hasn't been lurid or explicit in any detail... and who is she harming by typing a question on here for advice... only about 100 other people each day ask for advice so who are all of you to decide that Viona is not entiltled to ask for advice...... It is up to the moderators which questions and answers go through... I for one wouldn't have let half these unhelpful and offensive answers go through... and I am a moderator.
If you are going to answer a deep question than you should be prepared and mature enough to answer it in depth. DO NOT ANSWER QUESTIONS THAT ARE OUT OF YOUR DEPTHS.
Now my advice to Viona and Licoln.... I am not one to condone incest, I can be open about that.. However it does happen. I don't condone it so I don't do it... But it doesn't mean others have to live by my rules.... You two have been together for a very long time....Would it actually matter to you if you had your parents approval?
There is one thing that crosses my mind... You have had three healthy children and not a single problem with any of them? I am naive in this situation my knowledge is not the best... but do inter family births generally have defects due to the genes not merging properly? If so I wonder why none of your children have these defects....Have you thought about this... just thinking that you two might not actually be brother and sister!!!?? Is this possible in any way... This might also help explain the sexual attraction.... Sorry if I offend you with this comment.
To wrap up my advice is to be very careful... Think about what you will do if you don't get your parents approval... You need to have a contingency plan and to be prepared as some have already commented.. Homesexuality wasn't accepted for a long time.. Incest is not accepted by the majority at present so I urge you to be strong enough to face the insults and possible abuse that may come your way... If you guys work together and do seek professional counselling for hard times.. You may get through..
I also feel that it may be worth searching the net and seeing if there are any better equippesd web sites to help you with this particular anxiety.
From Sexybum
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female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (3 November 2006):
 Hi
I believe u are based in south africa, and according to their marriage act I am not so sure if this union can be legalised you can visit www.polity.org.za and view all the marriage bills if u havent done that.I dont know how to say this without feeling like im judging u, i dont think having a 4th child is the right move are the other children proud of u? if they dont have a problem maybe u can proceed, i just want u guys to pause a bit and consider ur children's feelings a bit, have u guys told them that they are not just siblings they are also first cousins? talk to ur children first b4 u move to the 4th one forget your feelings 4 a while bcos its not gonna make u happy to have a house filled with children who resent themselves, so this is not just about u and how happy u make each other ur children should be involved. good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2006):
Wow, I hope a lot of the people replying don't have any plans to get in to counseling or helping people professionally! You are terrible for making such awful judgements, that is not what this website is for.
Vion, if I were you I would find out the law with regards to what would happen if your family reported your relationship with your brother to the authorities - is there any risk that your children could be taken away from you? In some countries your brother can also be criminally charged for sexual abuse even if you say it has all been consenual.
If you want to tell your family you have to be prepared for the worst case scenario - that they will turn their backs on you. So you need to look in to the legal side of things incase they take things very badly. Some families reject their children for far less reasons. I'm only guessing but I would imagine they probably wouldn't be OK with you two being together.
I don't really know enough about the law regarding marriage but I can only guess it is illegal. Marriage in western culture has predominantly is Christian in origin and Christianity isn't exactly a fan of incest. Homosexuals are still fighting for the right to marriage, and look in the U.S. - the law has actually become more oppressive to homosexuals in the recent years. Incest is way too taboo at the moment for people to be able to approach.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2006): Grown-ups ought to know the difference between right and wrong. You obviously dont. I know it's been mentioned in other responses, but you guy must get help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2006): I strongly disagree with the question posted b4 me by Rumiko hus only 15. im only 15 2 nd i dnt argree with nasty things like this. u say u feel sorry for them are you sure u r not as messed up as them? hu could fell sorry 4 these sick twisted FREAKS! i believe incest is the most thing in the world to commit nd it goes against the bible. i aint religious, but for god sake.
if u care about ur family which i really doubt y would u dream of telling dem about dis mess up relationship. END IT NOW! nd DONT have any more kids. the ones u have now have 2 go through enough wid your current situation, y bring another child in the wrld 2 suffer like them.
you should b scorned!!!!!!!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2006): I feel so bad for you having comments like " are you sick ??" and nasty things like that. I may be able to see this as not wrong because im not held down by a book saying what i can and cant do and believe.
I hope things work out and you and your brother have many years of happiness together. In my opinion, your family is going to love you no matter what your choices are. So the longer you keep this from them, the bigger the shock and recovery will get. I don't have much experience with this type of situation because im only 15, but I hope my advice helped a little and I wish you the best !
Much love and luck,
Rumiko
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2006): I find it absolurely amazing that these two people can come out into the open like this and admit freely to incest. This is a crime, not only according to man's thinking, but the Bible itself.
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female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (2 November 2006):
 There are most certainly NOT moves in my country to make this kind of thing legal! I just wanted to clarify that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2006): OMG!!, I cant believe what I am reading this really is sick, Does mental illness run in your family? because this really is just disgusting.
What was it that made you deicide to start a relationship with your BROTHER!!.
I just dont get it.
If you do come out in public and tell everyone you do realise that you will be at risk of being charged with incest?, IT IS AGAINST THE LAW IN THE UK AT LEAST. I'm not really sure why you posted this question on here to be honest I think that people like you should be arrested and thrown in prison.
SICK!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2006): A colleague at work circulated this post at the office. I find it disturbing and morally wrong. There are certain standards that we all need to live by and you are not excluded from this. Sex with your brother is wrong and I condemn your actions in the strongest possible manner.
I see that you considering having another child. Please, think carefully about this. If your other children were born without any genetic defects, you and especially them were extremely lucky. The new child might not be that lucky.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2006): I have to agree with the previous post. This is sick. This woman is obviously in need of serious help, and the help I'm referring to is not the advice people would give on this site. Get professional help, we are unable to help you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2006): i can describe this in one word
SICK
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (31 October 2006):
 See! He's/she's going to post again in a couple days! Obviously someone just looking to get their rocks off. And just as obviously NOT someone looking for help or advice. To "Viona and Lincoln" (whatever) Why don't post your drivel on a nice incest porn site and leave this site to people with real problems and questions?
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female
reader, vion +, writes (31 October 2006):
vion is verified as being by the original poster of the question We would like to thank dearcupid.org for the opportunity to post our question. This was the very first time that we have shared our secret with others. We wanted to see what other people’s reactions would be, how other would respond to us.
We feel it is time to stop living in secret, to come out and tell our mother about us. We are not ashamed of what we are doing. We love each other and are very happy together. We would like our children to know the truth, of whom they are and where they come from. We are also seriously considering having another baby.
We would like to thank all who responded to our post. The overwhelming response was one of outright condemnation, as was to be expected, although there were some real heartwarming replies, and here we would like to single out and thank Jadzia1127, Martini and the anonymous female reader (30 October). Your understanding and compassion are truly appreciated.
Then there are also others who seem to think that the whole thing might be a hoax. Far from it, we are very real.
Then there were also others who would like to know more about us. This we are quite happy to share further detail with those interested. We’ll post an update in a couple of day’s time.
Viona & Lincoln.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2006): I find this very hard to believe. If this is for real, please tell us more about yourself. How you grew up, your relationships with the rest of your family and whter you think this will really work.
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female
reader, vina_101 +, writes (31 October 2006):
 Is this for real? OR have you posted this to see people's reactions? Oh my God. I can't believe this! Are you serious? HOW? WHY? How did your parents raise you? What kind of values did they teach you? I'm not trying to be rude I'm just trying to understand how this happened and why you think it is okay to be sexually involved with your BROTHER!What was the relationship like (as brother and sister)when you were young children? Did you watch a lot of TV? WHat influenced you to have these kind of moral ideas? Seriously I would like to know. I am dumbstruck by this.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2006): Wow, this is serious shit. If this is true, I admire you for living "your dream". However, I have to agree with the previous post. This is wrong, and I condemn your actions in strongest possible way. Let your brother go, and try to start anew.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2006): As the elder of two, you should have known better, Viona. This will scar your children for life. As to getting married, no country allows for sibling marriages. Leave your brother alone, and try to start a new life for you and your kids. It is always the children that suffer. I feel sorry for them.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2006): This is disguting! You should be ashamed of yourself. You, your brother and your children are in need of serious counselling. Please seek professional help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2006): This is a truly remarkable story. I feel sorry for the both of you and can only wish you the best in your endeavours. Follows your hearts wherever it may lead and may God be your guiding light.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2006): Please seek some professional therapy to deal with whatever happened before you had sex with your brother for the first time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2006): this is totally DISGUSTING,Is this some kind of a joke?i really hope so
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reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (29 October 2006):
I agree with Max, I think this is from the same person who is just using this forum to get their rocks off. When there are sooo many sites on the internet to post crap like this it is a shame that he/she found us.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2006): Anyway, as Jadzia suggested, it will most likely be that the rest of your family will not support you, no matter how much u want this. To make things legal, you will have to do some research. Right now, things are illegal in most countries because of the risks involved with creating babies from having sex with siblings. Religiously, it's also immoral though still quite contradicting - like religion isn't eh?
If you feel between the two of you, that this isn't wrong, then it isn't. Others like most of the posts here will think it's wrong - there is no avoiding this. Just like homosexuals - for the longest time, many people think this is wrong, and many still think it IS wrong.
No I suggest you don't tell anyone about this, unless the community you're in is acceptable.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2006): I wonder if you'd be okay if your son and one of your daughters got together like you and your brother have? Probably not, and for good reason.
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male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (29 October 2006):
 Who is this sick wiener? This is like the third or fourth incest post about screwing siblings in like 3 days! Obviously by the same sicko. Here's a tip for you: Type up all the crap that's in your mind and post it on the website Literotica. They have a whole section for stories from sickos just like you
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2006): omg you both seem very young to have 3 children and with ya brother omg i think that what and you and your brother feel for each other is a misunderstanding of brotherly love and sigman frord would have alot to say about this!! i think that your family would be disgusted and how you could of left your child and moved away is beyond me! if you want to keep the peace with your family id keep ya marriage quiet!!!
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female
reader, Jadzia1127 +, writes (28 October 2006):
 I tried to figure out the math of your age and your brother's age and find you both a bit young (especially your brother) to be considering such a serious decision.
Anyone involved with someone under the age of 21, loves them and wants what is best, should let them live life with no strings attached. Let them continue education, and better themselves so they can handle the huge responsibilities of adulthood the best they can.
I DO NOT condone incest but throughout the generations of the world it has been seen in the European royalties, to the poorest mountains in the USA. There are families and tribes that only inter-marry amongst themselves, they do keep out of the public condemning eye.
I would suggest that if you truly love your brother that you let him go until he is more of an adult. If he at that time he wants this then he will come back. As for making it legal you will have to do the research to find the places that allow this inter-marrying when he is of age.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2006): I have 2 agree with the 2 posts its disgusting. hes your brother not your lover, dosen't that tell u anything. do u real think your family are going to accept your relationship, because i don't think so. for both of your sakes and your children i believe you don't tell anyone about your relationship or better stil stop the relationship that way no one will no and no one gets hurt. if you do decide to tell your family your children are bound to find out imagine how much it will embaressed and destroy them, coz if i was them i would b embaressed because its not natural or normal!
I cant give you any proper advise for this question as you are in the wrong. stop this ludicrous relationship now because its only going to end in tears.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2006): yes this is nasty how can u and yor BROTHER be together i have a brother and sister but will never ever do anything like that what would u do if your kids got together like that? i dont think no one in thier right mind would accept that and i dont think u could get permission to marry..
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2006): I cant believe i keep reading things like this, are you having a sick joke. Surely you cant honestly believe people would exept this if they knew the truth. What about your poor children, they could be damaged for the rest of there lives "if this is true". I have two brothers myself, and love them dearly. I would never do anything to harm them, and there respect for me as there older sister is very important to me. Why would you both do such a thing, its horrible.......amd beyond belief
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2006): I'm sorry but I cannot offer any good advice I'm usually happy to help all people with various problems. But this is DISGUSTING. you know this is INCEST right?
Think of the family and your children.
You're older than you're brother and you should have known better.
I have no support for you I'm sorry. The decisions you have made are wrong and you don't appear to understand that or even know how it will effect everyone around you.
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