A
male
age
41-50,
*cott11
writes:Hello, I've been in a relationship for 6 years with this woman who is now 31. She was a single mom of 3 kids with three different fathers, a high school drop out. I became daddy #4 four years ago. In our house there is a total of 6 different personalities,kids ages are 4,7,10,14, which created a lot of stress between myself and her. I enforced discipline and respect, she was more laid back and would tell the kids 10 times to do something. She would often tell her kids not to listen to me, where does that come from? I am providing a lot for all of them. I was unable to go to sleep in my room at 9:30pm due to kids would just run in and start talking. They would run through the house like it was a playground. It was always hectic but I never wanted to leave. About 6 months ago she says she is depressed, and that she doesn't want to do anything, just lay in bed. So four nights a week I would clean house, laundry, cook for everyone all that after an 8.5hr work day. It became too much for me to deal with, I started to drink every night and complain to her constantly. She wanted me to leave on numerous occasions. I had left the relationship twice before at her request, only to find her begging me back within 3 months. This time I was not going to leave, I love her and the kids and I wanted the relationship to work. She says she doesn't love me anymore, wants me gone. It hurts me, but she has always said things to hurt me. In turn lead to a lot of argueing. Two weeks ago I am served with a temporary restraining order to vacate her house. Completely surprised for I had never abused her. With her track record of four kids with four different fathers and admission to being depressed, What should I do? Move on? I love her and I want her to realize that this isn't right. I am so broken. How many men will step up to the plate and invest into the future with this kind of woman?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2009): 4 kids with 4 different fathers says it all! Its not your fault this hasn't worked she cant make it work with anyone!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2009): So this hit home a little personally since I know this couple. Yes, I read it when you asked me too.... Anyways, you know what I think, but I KNOW how you feel. If you could get her back to who she was in the beginning then I say fight for it, because back then you two were good together. If she isn't willing to fight for you then let her go so that you can move on to someone who deserves you. You are an amazing man and any woman would be lucky to have you. You have so much to offer and give and if she can't see that then it is her loss. But I know that you love her and sometimes love makes us do things that we normally wouldn't do. You know I am here if you ever need ANYTHING!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (3 July 2009):
 How many men will step up to the plate and invest into the future with this kind of woman? You ask? Well, I wonder if that is how you feel about her "this kind of woman" why you did. Think deep and hard about why you are with her. I wonder if you lack self esteem and settled for a woman that you thought should be greatful for you....in your eyes.
Once you figure out why you are with this woman, then ask yourself if this is the future you were thinking about. Perhaps you thought she would be greatful for you and treat you better. I believe she has severe depression and if you care about these kids like you say you do, try to get her some help. You'll be helping out the kids too.
Everyone here is quick to blame this woman for all your problems but I honestly think there is some blame to go around, always is when two people are involved. If you thought you were doing this woman a favor being with her because she is "this kind of woman" perhaps she feels that and it can't be good for her to see the man she loves (yes she does love you-the woman protests too much) think of her as you do.
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A
male
reader, scott11 +, writes (3 July 2009):
scott11 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate everyone's feed back, it is so awesome to read your insights into this relationships. My mind is seeing things in a lighter perspective. Thank you
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (3 July 2009):
 OMG! You have to get away from this woman and don't look back! You will never change this woman, she has serious personality issues and is only going to continue to make you miserable. I once had a dear friend who was involved with a woman who sounds exactly like yours! Three kids,all different fathers, she as eratic, lazy, and horrible to him. Like you thought he could "resuce" her somehow, if he loved her enough things would be "okay" but it wasn't okay. It was living hell. She wiped him out emotionally, emptied his bank account, took everything in HIS house that wasn't nailed down, left him owing huge debts (All things he bought to keep her happy) and almost ruined his reputation in our community with false legal charges against him. To this day, I think he'd take her back if she walked through the door. I want to kick him every time he mentions her name with fondness in his voice. Please do not go back to this woman, you will miss out on being with someone NORMAL who will truly love you if you keep holding onto her. Be strong. Let go, and don't look back!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2009): You are free to do whatever you want to with your life. This woman has chosen her life, and you are choosing yours. If you are unhappy with the way the kids treat you, then change it. If you dislike your relationship with her, change it. You are not doing her any kind of favour by just being around. She has made it clear to you that she wants you gone - so why are you pushing? It's your problem, not hers.
I suspect you are looking for people to validate your complaint, to tell you that she must be crazy for letting a nice guy like you go. I won't tell you that, I just wonder why you have chosen to embroil yourself with a woman with issues, four kids and who doesn't want you?
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A
female
reader, babymama99 +, writes (3 July 2009):
 With the restraining order I guess you have no choice but to leave.But I do feel for you, there are men out there that don't want to take care of their own children much less someone else's children. I applaud you for that.The only thing you can try to do now is get a place of your own and continue to take care of your son or daughter. I also feel for the oldest 3 children because up til now you have been the man in their lives, and this will effect them greatly. expecially the 7 year old who won't remember a life without you in it. even the 10 year old will only have vague memories of his or her developing years.Depression can cause people to act in many ways. maybe this time she will come begging you back once again. but my advice is that before you go back for the 3rd time make sure she gets some help for her depression and can become a little more stable.
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A
female
reader, laura585 +, writes (3 July 2009):
I know a guy in a similar situation, altho he is father #3 and the baby is due in two months. It seems to be the same deal, she enforces absolutely no discipline on her two children, she admits to depression- my friend and her go back and forth between happy and hating eachother and theyve only been together about a year. He has asked me the same question basically- "why wont she just be happy that I'm there for her? I dont know anyone else who would want to deal with someone crazy like her!" the only thing I could tell him is- I just think some people are so used to being hurt then when someone really does love them they dont know how to react. Maybe your girl is like that too? You dont have to live in an environment that you cant stand. You've tried, you've done your part- continue to do your part with your child but maybe its time for you to find someone who is better for you.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (3 July 2009):
 Unfortuantely, you have been blinded by your emotions. 3 kids with 3 different men before you met? sounds like a red flag right there. Where I come from thats called DAMAGED GOODS and men are urged to stay away from women like that as if they have leprosy. Basically you served your purpose with her. Im sorry you have had to endure what you are going through, but you should have seen the signs before getting involved with her(of course that hindsight being 20/20). I do understand as I had a point in my life I was blinded, but I grew a pair and took action.so now you are stuck with her being part of your life becuase you have a kid together. This makes it all the more trickier.Saying you are depressed and laying in bed watching you do all the work is alot different from recognizing the terrible effect it has on relationships and individuals and doing something about it./ She is doing NOTHING about it but making your life hellI hate to tell you that it is not an issue of "Stepping Up To The Plate". For that describes someone you envision a future with. I am afraid you need to let this malignant woman go and you need to get custody of YOUR child. You cant make someone realize something if they dont want to look...and that is exactly what she is doing.She is doing you a favor by serving you with a restraining order. You should heed this advice and get your kid, and NEVER LOOK BACK!This woman is a cancer on your child's future, not only yours.You need to man up, and understand that no matter what begging or pleading you are doing, it wont help. Restraining orders carry an air of FINALITY. Please do yourself and your child a favor and extinguish the flame you have for her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2009): If she is suffering from depression, please encourage her to seek medical assistance. Her depression may have led to her erractic and hurtful behavior. Antidepressants will stabilize her mood, help her think more clearly, and enable her to feel better about herself, her kids, and her man. Best of luck to you!
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