A
female
age
41-50,
*atientlywaiting
writes:I am going through a divorce right now. I have three children from my previous marriage. The father was a very abusive guy in every way. The past four years I had my eyes looking elseware but did nothing with it until a month after I filed my divorce. This guy used to be best friends with my ex. This guy already knew before I divorced that I have feelings for him. He was very scared (understandable.) Due to the fact of all of the drama my ex hubby brings; he told my ex to never go to his house anymore. To make a long story short, two weeks ago he started coming around. He came over and had a couple of beers with my friend and I. My friend went to bed and he stayed over until like 3:30am type thing. He was confortable enough for me to give him a massage shortly afterwards he left. Three days later he comes over and we just sat and talked. We got really close and even gazed ourselves to a kiss. Afterwards was weird though, (no intimacy yet) he had said that he was feeling guilty somewhat because of my ex. What is weird is he was feeling so good, like those feelings you get in your chest, he felt that. We came close to intimacy. Didnt go all of the way. He left late hours again. He then returned three nights later and seemed so scared because of my ex going to his house and harrassing him. I got him to calm down and then we seemed all over each other. He even invited me to go out to his work and was so funny the way he asked me. I got out there and we bothe were just all over each other and did get intimate. Both of us didnt finish our desires when he stopped and was starting to get up and was telling me this is harder than he thought. I was really confused. Before you know it we were walking outside and he was telling me it has nothing to do with me it is him. He thought we were moving too fast and I agreed. He wanted some time to think about things. He wanted to take things slow. I pretty much didnt understand any of what happened since we did get intimate, but we never finished. I had told him that I have waited patiently this long for him, I will wait longer. He knows I love him too. The thing with him is he is not the kind of guy who can get any girl. He actually used to tell me as friends "can you get me a chick?" This is while I was still with my ex. He is too shy to go look for girls himself. He showed me the last couple times I saw him that he has feelings for me. I am thinking he is scared to be with me right now because of me ex. I am also thinking he is scared because his past relationship screwed him up. She took his verginity type thing and his friends (which are mutually my friends too because of my ex) told me that was the last girl he was with and it's been like three years for him. My questions are:Where do you think we are going with this?How much time should I wait for him?Does this seem like to you we could get serious someday?
View related questions:
best friend, divorce, my ex, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (30 January 2007):
 This guy is scared to get involved with you in case your ex beats the shit out of him, after all, he's already paid him a visit and told him to stay well away! Your ex is also his friend so there will be an element of guilt there too. If you and your exhusband are definitely over and you have filed for divorce then you are a free woman again. You need to let your friend know this. Let him know you don't "belong" to your ex husband or anyone else for that matter.
He doesn't seem to have a lot of experience with women so I would take it slowly here. Of course he'll try to get intimate with you, he's a man with hormones! Let him know you really like him and would love to get to know him better. Build up a friendship with him first but take things really slowly. There are children involved here too so be very careful that they don't see you both all over each other as this will have a negative effect on them if this happens too soon.
It might be a good idea to have a talk with your ex too and let him know that you are now well over him and that both of you need to move on, he has no hold over you any more. How much time should you wait for this friend? That depends if you really want to be with one another. If you do then fight to make it work, become close friends (kissing yes but no intimacy until the trust builds with him.) Yes, you can make this work if both of you have true feelings for one another, just take things slowly and let the relationship grow.
Eve
A
female
reader, xkimx +, writes (30 January 2007):
 my mum was going through the same thing i had to grow up watching this she has 4 kids and 3 ex husbands thats were all either abusive or cheat on her now me and my sisters and brother grew to them likw they were our dads which was unfair but now im old enough i can protect my mum and i can see what men do to my mum, i no i would be hard but why dont you play hard to get for a while let men chase you act sexy and act like every man on the planet wants you make them give a reason why you should be with them dont take anyone that comes along think of your kids ,my mum starts to get depressed now and is always going out clubbin with her mates or to the the pub all her money is going on drink , im only 16 years old and it brakes my heart to see my mum like that because my sisters think its normal , when i was fourteen years old my mum was always going out so i could always do what i want i was always getting pissed and sleeping with boys not going to school and starteed on drugs , dont let your kids follow like that , i no you think you strong at the moment and you wont go like that but you'll be surprised x x plz reply
...............................
A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (30 January 2007):
 Hello there
Where do you think we are going with this?
I think what u need to do right now is to take things as slow as you can. Don’t stress too much about where this is going because you don’t seem to be emotionally ready for this as well, you went thru a painful marriage and you manage to be close with someone I think that is enough right now. Take your time to heal he has a baggage too. Let him work through that before anything becomes serious between the two of you. The fact that you didn’t fnish it shows that something is not right with him; maybe he is feeling guilty about this whole thing, you were his friend’s wife not so long ago, and now things have changed and he is trying to adjust as well that’s why he told u its not your fault when he has to stop. So relax and everything will be alright, as long as you don’t sweep anything under the carpet.
How much time should I wait for him?
Taking things slow to his pace will determine the time you will have to wait for him. And don’t just wait think about what u need to do with your life, your hopes and dreams for the future? Your children included is this the kind of man you will want near your children? You might find that he is not the man you want in your life, give yourself more time to think before getting into a serious relationship.
Does this seem like to you we could get serious someday?
You might get serious someday if you allow each other to heal from the previous experiences. Don’t be together because it feels right but be together because it feels right and you are all comfortable with each other it is important.
...............................
|
