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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My bf broke up with me, but he still calls me every once and a while. Why is he still calling ? He has made it clear that he doesn't want me and my hurt starts all over again when I talk to him because I still love him. Should I avoid his calls?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): My ex boyfriend did the same thing after he broke up with me. You are the best judge of why he is doing it. It sort of matters how long you have dated, why you broke up and whether or not you think there is the possibility of reconcilliation.
Sometimes relationships that break up are caused by fights or a major disagreement or some misunderstandingn or misdeed and peoplel have an emotional reaction and break up, if this is the first time this happened and fits this scenario, it could mean that he is having regrets about breaking up with you and wants to keep you in his life and perhaps get back together with you. If you feel that he still loves you and is just angry with you, then you could start by telling him once and only once that you are sorry for hurting him if you did....do not promise to change or beg him to come back, just a simple apology and leave it at that. If he comes back around to see you, then tell him you don't want to talk about the break up and do act as if he is just your friend and start dating again, take things slowly and rekindle your trust and romance. At some point you will know when it feels right, bring up the break up and ask him why it happened, allow him to get his anger out, if you don't then you are looking at having a break up again in the near future....you also need to tell him if you were unhappy and why....if he really loves you he will be back and he will be open to this.
However, if you are feeling it is truly over, if this is the second or third time you've broken up then it really is too painful to take his calls and you need to tell him you don't want to talk to him and to please stop calling that you need to get over him and it is too painful to stay in contact. Unless he is stupid, he is going to understand this and respect your wishes.
You don't owe him friendship. You just need to take care of yourself first and that you owe to yourself. You will feel pretty down for awhile, it is normal.....but it gets easier with time and activity and support of friends and family and if you feel ready to date, then date! Not a great idea to jump right into another relationship to avoid pain though, this isn't fair to that person because once you fell better, you may have realized you didn't choose correctly and will be ready to move on yourself.
Just try to have some fun and some laughs, don't beat yourself up for the break up as you will go through feelings of guilt, and shame and denial and anger and it can be awfully confusing. I am going through it myself.
In my case he called me several times a day every day and asked for my help and advice and support and wanted to talk my ear off when he had hurt me very badly and told me he did not want to be in a relationship. He may have still had feelings for me, I am pretty sure he did and I know he was in pain, too, but it may have been more about him than about me, that is what I felt. I truly feel it is over for good and I asked him to stop calling me and he did. When I finally thought I could be friends a month later he had started seeing a new girl (I think he is on the rebound and needs to massage his hurt ego, because I asked him to move out, but I did not want to break up with him, just get my own space back, it wasn't working out living together at this stage so I took care of myself and asked him to move) and he would call me occassionally and act like he wanted to be friends, then all of a sudden he asked me to leave him alone, I don't know why except that I think he still is confused a bit and has some mixed feelings about me, it has been three months and we are still not yet friends....and that may be the way it remains....because he has broken my heart and I his.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): I'm no genius on this matter, but maybe it's possible he still wants to be friends with you? You shouldn't avoid his calls because you don't want to make him feel as though you hate him or something. I broke up with my boyfriend a while ago but we're now best friends, even though he loves me, he understands that I didn't love him in the same way. Treat him the same as any other friend, because he could feel awkward if you make it obvious you're still in love.
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