A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I hope you can help me with this, Can someone's love be so much that it depends on money? My ex-partner, destroyed everything that we built together over the past 2 years just over money issues!!! She suddenly changed her attitude towards me as soon as she realize I can’t match her in everything in terms of spending and finance, and all I can do to just do my very best of contributing of what I earn, and I always willingly shared that in our relationship but that wasn’t enough!!She knew my financial situation right from the start that we met, I was always open about it, and in fact I have even put myself under lots of financial strain to make sure I am doing even more than I could for her to be comfortable. But she said she loves me, and wants to be with me, and I believed her, but then when it came to her to put her weights on in our life she failed and she blamed everything on me. I was saying I do not have money, and what I have I am more than happy to share it with you in our life, is that not enough? If not why she got so much involved with me, I didn’t hide anything, in fact I had a happy life and was doing well before I meet her. She took all my happiness from me, and without any mercy, she destroyed me financially and emotionally. I am so devastated to see how cheap, shallow and empty this love was, but some how in my mind I can’t really believe that someone’s love can change like that over money issue.!! I was so in love with her, but never knew she is capable of destroying my life for money. I never ever took advantage of her.So we got separated, and it was a nasty separations, as she showed me her true character which I never thought of before. I still have feelings for her, because I loved her once. I like to move on with my life, but I can’t, because I really feel something in my mind hasn’t been answered or resolved, and that is:How can someone’s love change over money?? How can love be so cheap? I am sure the real love are not like that, but why she pretended to love me, and care for me and then destroyed my life over money? Please advice me ,Thanks very much
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007):
You have a lot of stuff in there- I'll just address "How can someone’s love change over money".
Money is a stand in for a lot of things. Money is just paper, so what she was really valuing was something that money was a stand in for.
That could be security. Perhaps she had a unstable childhood because of family financial problems and got scared of trying to build a family with you because of your low level of financial security.
Or money could be a stand in for how she is valued. A good part of her selfworth might come from other value other people show to her by the gifts and support they provide.
Why do women swoon for a big chunk of carbon? Because it stands in for something else.
So dont beat yourself up on this- it may not have been dollar bills as much as you guys not being in sync on a deeper level
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007): Sorry but money is the root of all evil! Personally i think you have had a lucky escape. She sounds very selfish and shallow. Just put all this down to experience and go on with your life but don't go back to her if it is an option. She will never change, only get worse. Go out there and meet someone who you so rightly deserve, remember, money isn't everything. I cannot bring you good health.
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (25 January 2007):
 hi there
i am sorry u feel the way you with good reasons of course; but believe me the rejection you feel its normal love is not cheap because its not for sale and can never be bought. your ex was after money and that was her motive from the start you didnt see it but all the signs were there.
however i think you shouldnt be blaming her for everything that went wrong in this relationship yes the love of money was a downfall for this relationship but you played a big part. u said She knew your financial situation right from the start that when u met, because you were always open about it, but u were so much excited about her that you couldnt see where this flaw was going, thats why you had to put yourself under lots of financial strain to make sure u were doing even more than u could for her to be comfortable.
that was the clue of what she really is and couldnt see so dont put yourself down so much that you allow her immaturity to shun the love you might have for someone who will love you for the person you are not the size of your wallet. dont worry this is the lesson most people only learn when the relationship is over just be happy that u didnt have anything auctioned by the banks trying to recover their monies believe me it could have been worse.
accept that you genuinley opened your heart to someone and learned to love unfortunately it was a wrong person for you. just learn not flaunt your money to get women im not implying thats what u did but i do know some men who does that and end up with women who wants that wallet when they end up broke like they blame on woman. you post reveal that you went up to the end of the world in order to bring enough cash for her which is good if u are doing it for someone responsible. maybe you should have paused a little just to ask yourself where the hard earned money was going maybe somehow it would have open your eyes a bit but anyway its done and you need to focus on your future.
forgive yourself for trusting her to much and learn something from this situation. it is only natural thats you still feel used and at the same time you love her time is the best healer, you will get over her in no time and work more harder and your finances will be in order soon.
good luck
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