A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: dear agony aunts and uncles its been 5 hours and i just ended things with my fiancé of 1 yr and 3 months whose in the army . He was caught off guard when i told him and told me that we would talk about this later he said he'd call me . and to be honest i was expecting a phone call by now or something to show me he didn't want to give up on us or something like that but he hasn't . is it safe to say he doesn't care and he gives up ? people are telling me it was really bad timing and he probably has alot on his mind due to his job because they ask alot from him . my family is telling me that army men are more complex and think diffrently then regular guys because of the things they've been through ? my question is should i wait or move on ? should i give him time do i call him ? are army men really different?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (19 October 2010):
So then end it? If he treated you that badly before, he won't change now.
You can't play games like this. Ever. You dump a man, he won't suddenly get on his knees and beg. He'll take it at face value and walk away.
You shouldn't be together. He won't change, and the game you have played has backfired.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe reason why i wanted to end things is because during his last break he ignored me and went off partying with his friends leaving me to plan a wedding to myself ..we agrued and then put it on hold till decemeber but lately hes been treating me like he doesn't care anymore hes always taking things that happen at work out on me he says that everythings my fault the reason why im not there and that i don't show that i care enough because i don't call him that much but i'm a full time student and im working to save up money for us .
i cry all the time and i've told him how uhappy i am with our situation and he just tells me he'll fix it but he doesn't and it just gets worse and worse.i given him so much and i've done so much for him its not fair . i know i didn't mean it but im tired of this constant mistreatment .
i need him to understand that i should be taken for granted just because i stay all the time doesn't mean im not sick of it and that i won't leave i need change.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 October 2010):
 You just dumped the guy then you are counting hours waiting for him to call you back ? Why ?
If you had really meant to call it quits for serious,.... you should feel relieved that he's out of your life and he's not pestering you for a second chance.
So maybe you did not really want to break up. You wanted just to rattle his cage , so to speak- to shake him up a bit, to "scare " him. Counting that he was gonna immediately plead and beg and reconfirm you his eternal love...
Manipulative and juvenile ( well, you ARE very young, -but too old for teenage games ). And risky.
Always say what you mean, and mean what you say !
If you are serious about breaking up, - let it be. If he is not visibly tearing his hear off, that may be a little pin prick to your ego,but that's all, you will survive.
If you weren't serious, ...now you have to pick up the phone and call him back apologizing, and tell him that your
emotions had temporarily overwhelmed you, but... blah blah blah. Hoping that he takes you back.
Army or no army - never toy with people's feelings.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 October 2010):
My feeling is that you're not ready to get married. Apart from anything else, you've not told the reason that you broke up - we need to know. But you've just broken up, and you're expecting him to call, like this is some test to prove he loves you. That's immature, and very wrong. And since he's serving in the army, very dangerous.
But, what were you thinking he was going to do? Fall to his knees begging? You've just told a man the wedding is off. He was totally off guard, and I assume since you had to phone him, he's currently serving somewhere. Apart from anything else, he's got to take it in, he's probably in shock, he's probably broken hearted. He didn't know it was coming. You can't tell a man the wedding is off and expect him to suddenly call, put aside all that he has to do and come begging. That's not the way it works. If you had a legitimate reason for breaking up, then you should have ended it and not been sitting there for five hours waiting for him to call and beg.
You've just broken his heart. He has to take in what you've done to him. It's most likely he won't try to fight for you, because you've seriously hurt him.
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