A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have just found out that i am pregnant and i am absolutely devastated. My ex put me through hell for the past 2 1/2 years with constant lies, cheating and disrespect. He has alot of issue with porn addiction gambling etc and is involved in criminal activities. I had been to see a therapist about co dependency as i believed that that was why i had stayed with him after so much had happened and it turned out i was also enabling his behavior but anyway and i worked through my issues with her and found the self love and self respect that i was lacking to move on from him. I had been feeling so positive and great in myself and was just enjoying being me again and i realized i did deserve a good man in my life that would at least treat me with respect. Then i have just found out that i am pregnant! I cant stop crying! I don't want to have a baby yet and especially a baby by this man and i most certainly don't want to be a single mum! I have hopes and dreams for my life and one of those would be to have a beautiful family with a man who loves and respects me but i will never have that from him so this situation is just completely heartbreaking.I really don't know what to do i would like to have an abortion but i don't know if i can go through with it. I had an abortion when i was 16 and it left some serious emotional damage and feelings of regret for years after. The thought of him being in my life for at least the next 18 years breaks my heart he is a vile person and wouldn't make a good role model to a child at all!! What would i do if i did decide to keep the baby i wouldn't want him to damage my child. This isnt my idea of how i child should be raised i grew up without a dad and it has most certainly effected me in my adult life. Right now abortion seems like the only option someone please give me some advice i have no one else to talk to about this. And please do not tell me i am a murderer etc as this is my body and my life and i have a right to choose what i do with it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2014): My advice is either to go ahead with the pregnancy and have the baby adopted (many people can't have children and would be grateful to adopt a child- maybe an open adoption where you can visit), or to keep the baby and not tell the father about this. You don't want him involved at all, it will only end in disaster. Another thing to consider other than the emotional affect of the abortion is that with another abortion you may lessen your chance to have more children in the future- multiple abortions can cause problems which make conception difficult.
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (31 May 2014):
Yes why not adopt? Pregnancy is not the easiest thing in the world but at least you can feel good about giving the baby a loving home instead of getting an abortion or raising the child in questionable circumstances.
Also, I'm neither pro or anti abortion because there are just so many difficult aspects to it. But you said "this is my body and my life" and I'm sure an anti abortion person would point out that it's your unborn child's body and life that they're concerned with. I understand their point of view, and I think you do too which is why you had such a hard time before.
In the end the decision is yours but I think there are better options than abortion.
Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2014): Hi,
Nobody can tell you what choice to make with your baby, but it's essential you do your best to take care of yourself, physically mentally... That means keeping in close contact with family, friends and your therapist,... Put all pride aside because this is serious and the best thing you can do for yourself (and baby if you're keeping it) is to go easy on and take care of yourself. It's not easy with mental health issues, but You're so young and need the support. Start by talking lots and sharing your deepest fears and feelings with people who LOVE you... You've made mistakes and have a few issues, but nobody has the right to JUDGE or berate you...
However I think this mistake could turn out to be a wonderful thing for you and your child, who will have a mother who will love them and protect them to death... Im not a mum yet but I really think a baby (even if it was unwanted) would bring me such emotional fulfilment and joy that something that's PART of me is mine forever to cherish and protect. I think if you made the decision to keep child, you may not regret it. Yes financial support is important but you and your child won't go hungry in the Uk... Love is the most important thing.
Also really work on your health- this starts with eating healthier... I've really found and strongly believe what you out into your body is PARAMOUNT to your overall health, inc. mental, emotional, physical... It's not easy to switch to health food just like that, but try things you can mix with foodlike chia seeds, which will all improve your mood, general health and make you feel better about things in general, and give you a clearer head in general.
As for him, if you keep the baby, get legal advice about strict parental controls, cos YPURE right, if I was you I would want him to have as little to do as possible with my son... I'm sure many other aunts/ uncles will give you more specific advice regarding that...
I wish you the best with whatever you choose. You've been a bit irresponsible with contraception but Now's the time to sort yourself out, do the best for you and your (possible) child and take the responsibility seriously,
Good luck, anyone who shuns you or isn't there for you isn't worth your time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2014): I was in a very similar situation and had the exact same feelings as u... didn't want to be a single mum and had my dreams etc. I went through with it and I won't lie - I feel bad and I went through a rough time but u know what... sometimes u have to be selfish and think of ur self and the kind of life you'd have. It won't be easy but make sure it's the right decision for u. Come back and let us know how u get on. Gd luck x
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2014): In my opinion i think adoption would be best for you because you sound like you care about the babys life and that way you wouldn't have to deal with the pains you felt before when you had an abortion. You can still have a bright future and have a family with a good guy when your ready and the baby can also live and have a mom and dad. My cousin isn't able to have kids of her own so her and her husband wanted to adopt a baby and after 3 years someone chose them and they adopted a little girl who means the world to them. Remember the choice is yours no one can make this decision besides you, just try and do what you think the right and best thing to do is. Good luck.
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