A
female
age
41-50,
*ixieGwen
writes:I recently broke up with my bf (On wednesday the 23rd). Today would be the 6 mo. mark. The last few mo (ever since he was put on suspension w pay from his job (he still has income from the military tho) - hes been diff. Also we started school last mo so hes constantly tired, depressed, irritated, he never wants to have sex - always an excuse..like not feelin well etc but is always down to hang out, talk n cuddle. We also hang out less. used to be everyday when he worked near me..now its 1x a wk or 2x a wk if anything. I explained that i need to see him more atleast 3-4x a wk, have more sex. I felt like he was distancing himself (even though he called me daily upto 2x a day).Seems like wed have a great time hanging out majority of the time or something would come up - a free trip to see friends, a long awaited fight on tv, etc.Recently things seemed better - like he was fixing things and then it seems hed do things to upset me. Recently we were supposed to hang and he forgot but he called me that night to talk n say he misses me. he didnt want me over cos it was late and he had to get up early and knew i wouldnt sleep. He just seems to be the king of excuses, or things always goin wrong in his life. So he promised to hang w/ me the following day (he never promises) but the next day he said he'd be a lil late on account of school..and i just broke up w/ him..it came out. i felt horrible. he shut down and got upset. and later that night tells me he misses me and how cute i am. Since wednesday hes called to tell me he misses me but hasnt tried to make plans with me. I told him when we broke up that we're takin a break and when he can 100% into the relationship to lemme know (when things r smoother for him). I miss him big time but i dunno what to do..its like he thinks thisll just go away and we'll get back together.. he doesnt want his stuff just yet..and he says he says no guy can date me for a mo..he has dibs on me.he tries to be cutesy n stuff but i was hoping he'd try to invite me out n see me more..and im not sure he gets that he should do that if he misses me.i told him probs are always gonna be there, thats life..he expects me to take him back...invite him out etc..He recently invited me over for sex.. (we havent had sex n 3 wks) i turned it down and he got all sad/upset.. because im sure he thought that i would say yes and take him up on his offer but i told him he is no longer my bf..and i dont do that w/ someone im not with. i dunno if thats his way of tryin to smooth stuff over but it was a lame attempt.. i figure the next time we speak i will say..seeing u say you miss me.. if thats true you should make plans with me/invite me out etc.. if he takes it and does it - great. if not..then it goes to show that he doesnt care.Ive talked to guy friends about him and they say hes super insecure, or has a self fulfilling prophecy (hes been cheated on in relationships and had a failed marriage to an alcoholic).He constantly tries to make everything into a joke.. and i thought by breakin up would show him how serious i am because i felt he didnt take me seriously.. I just dont understand why he calls and says nice stuff..missing me etc..but wont just say sorry, fix things/invite me out. I feel like the closer we got in our relationship - the i love yous, him talkin bout the future - marriage, kids, moving in together.. that he seems to push me away.
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a break, alcoholic, broke up, depressed, get back together, I love you, insecure, military Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (27 February 2011):
 Yes you are very right, he is trying to manipulate your emotions don't fall for it. Actions speak louder than words.
A
female
reader, PixieGwen +, writes (26 February 2011):
PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the question Yeah im not just gonna get back together with him..unless he puts some effort into it. its frustrating though.hearing these i miss yous etc..
if he really cares...he should try to fix it in the end and come back right?
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (26 February 2011):
Stick to your guns girl you are doing the right thing. I think he is testing you to see if he can get you back without having to do any work or make any changes in himself. In short he is being lazy and taking you and the entire relationship for granted and you'd be a fool to allow it.
Trust me on this I have seen this behavior many times before where the girl gives and gives while getting very little back from the guy in return and do you know what happens in the end.
The guy ends up dumping her! And do you know why? Because she didn't repect herself enough, so why should he...
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