| A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: I had friends who i just broke up with because they were beginning to be close friends with someone I know very well. She can't be trusted. I explained to them why i don't trust her and since we live in the same commune i know her better than they know her(they only see her at university). Where we live she ignores people and when she is tired of ignoring she wants to talk and expect us to be fine with it. I let her talk with me whenever she wants but i don't trust her and i never will. I told one of the housemates this story. So today we were three(me, one of the housemates and the girl i don't trust) in the commune kitchen. The girl i dont trust asked me a personal question relating to an application for job vacancy. My ex friends have applied and i applied too but not with them. I told her that im an individual and i don't do things in groups anymore (meaning i don't do things with friends from now on). She doesnt know that im no longer friends with them even worse that she is part of the reason why they are my ex-friends now. When the girl i don't trust left the kitchen, the housemate asked me what is wrong with me? I asked her "what do you mean?" she said "you are like...now i can't explain but you are. . ." then she left. Im wondering what was she trying to say, should i be worried?
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female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (21 September 2016):
 You're coming across very self-righteous and causing conflict where there doesn't need to be. That response, when that person you don't trust just casually asked about job applications, comes off accusatory and confrontational. What's the goal here? What do you mean you don't do things with friends from now on. Why? Also: no, You're not friends with those friends anymore because you chose to. You got on your high horse and said well if you're going to be friends with her, you're not going to be friends with me. You took yourself out of the equation. I'd understand not wanting to hang out with friends when the person you can't stand is there, but that's not what you did. I think you should reconsider your position and have some forgiveness/tolerance for your friends' choices.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 September 2016):
 Should you be worried?
Um, yes... unless you like being friendless.
You might as well learn now that you CAN NOT dictate whom your friends befriend.
So you don't like the girl from your commune, OK... SO what? So now the whole World should talk to her, befriend her? What? Who died and made you the boss of your "ex-friends" ?
Why not, in the future let your friends find out for themselves if a person will be a good friend or not? You don't HAVE to like all your friends' friends. They don't have to like yours.
Your post makes you come off as a controlling drama-llama. Sorry.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 September 2016):
 You are cutting off your friends and your housemate picked up on that. Look it is not your business who your friends are friends with. You might not trust this girl, but that does not give you the right to tell them she is not to be trusted. It is up to them to make new friendships.
It sounds to me like you are coming across as jealous and somewhat childish as well. This is something that happens in the playground not as adults. If you don't want to do things with friends anymore in a group then that is your choice, but you will be the one that ends up very lonely. Your friends are picking up on the bitterness.
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