A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 18 months finished with me on Thursday via FaceBook and won’t speak to me or see me. He said he's had enough of me putting him down and shouting at him, but I haven’t, yes we have had arguments but I don’t think I’ve been as horrible as he’s trying to say I am :( I live on my own work full time (have a bad heart, had open heart surgery a few years ago) and he’s a student with his parents, he used to stay over mine a lot and when he was there I would ask him to help me clean and cook but as he wasn’t doing it I felt used as he paid no rent so I stopped him staying over to only weekends.I won’t deny I haven’t shouted but so as he, id shout over stress if the house was a mess and I would tell him if he cooked something and I wasn’t fussed (sounds bad but for example he made mash and put pepper in it I don’t like pepper so I told him can he not add it next time) he was quite controlling over the kitchen and wouldn’t really let me cook and if I did he would take over. When he cleaned he didn’t really make an effort just wanted a medal if he hoovered the middle of the floor. He said he can’t do nothing right, which isn’t true I always say thank you and how a good cook he is only occasionally I don’t like his food.I also get stressed over my health which he knows about.the other night I was stressed, he said something to annoy me so I shouted something back he went nutty screaming at me and he went to bed not talking but in the morning he was cuddling me he would often have temper tantrums over small things.Like a few weeks ago we went for a nice meal then met friends for drinks and were next to a rowdy group and they were throwing stuff messing round and hit him by accident, not purposely at him and they said sorry I didn’t realise how angry he was I went to hug and kiss him and he grabbed arms and pushed me away.I wasn’t drunk only I had one and so had he I just felt upset he did that in front of everyone so I didn’t want to talk to him for a bit, when I didn’t talk to him for 10 mins he went mad slammed his drink down got up and shouted out, that: "I’m going home"He didn’t go home he walked outside and back in I felt very embarrassed as all my friends saw thisI really don’t understand what I have done for him to just cut me out of his life like this, he won’t answer his phone said he doesn’t want to talk to me, I’ve only tried phoning once on Friday when he ended it have spoken to him since :( I really do love him and I know I can’t force him to be with me but it hurts like hell as on Wednesday we were fine all loved up :( I wont contact him again but I can’t sleep.I haven’t slept for 3 days. What can I do about this situation?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2013):
Good on you.. I read all the posts and agreed whole heartily with each.. For him to become physical with you over something that wasn't your fault is another indicator that he has a lot of growing up to do or that these are traits that will continue in his life. The controlling attitude too not a good omen of a healthy relationship .
This will hurt like hell and it will take time to heal. But believe us you will. Chin up sweetie you can do 100 percent better..
Take care of yourself and your wee ticker ..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks confused, i burst into tears in work which isnt good lol im trying to hold off crying because of work, i did go out with some friends last night which took my mind off thingsHe is very immature after all that time together i think he should have had the respect to say it to my face, I wouldnt have begged, got too much pride but im glad we didnt now because hes very arrogant and thinks hes got the upper hand, if he wanted me back now i wouldnt want to even as much as im hurting, i can do better.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 March 2013):
 Sadly OP I agree there is not much you can do and it sounds like you two just have different ideas and goals on how a relationship should run
Sadly his immaturity shows with him breaking up with you like a coward via facebook but I'm betting he did not want a scene with crying, begging or fighting.
It's over and I know you can't see it right now but he did you a favor.
in time you will heal and move forward. I know I sound just like mum but it's true.
to heal yourself I suggest the 6 week method.
6 weeks of full out mourning the loss of the relationship.
cry at will
wear sunglasses to hide your puffy red eyes... all the time, no make up as it runs when you cry... looks worse than no make up
you may eat what you want
you may skip exercise if you want
in other words for 6 weeks you can emotionally and physically pamper yourself as is medically acceptable (due to your heart condition I don't advise ignoring any medically necessary activities or medications or foods)
write him long long letters full of detail and feelings. over and over if you must. DO NOT SEND THEM. If you like you can seal them up and put them away in the bottom of a drawer you never use... read them in a few years when you are healed... it will amaze you. Trust me I've done this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyou are right oldbag, my mum kept telling me the same thing since i met him but i wouldnt listen to her, he is too young for me im 24 hes 21 think when im ready i need someone older whose got a job and is able to take the pressure of living with someone. Whilst living with his parents he does nothing soo why would he want to come to mine and help, i felt more like his mother than his girlfriend lol
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (10 March 2013):
 Hi
There is nothing you CAN do, he has finished it. To be honest from your description your incompatable anyway. You have tried living together and it didn't really work out,thats a good test.
You can love people but just be so different or at different places in your lives,that it just won't work. That's how I see you two.
You work already are independant,he is still a student with all the pressure of study and then forging his career.
I wouldn't wait around for him to 'calm down', I would leave him to go forward without you. He has alot of maturing to do yet.
You need to accept your differences, do all the things we all do to get over a man..one day if it was meant to be it may work.But for now, I would start the healing and moving on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso, usually our relationship is quite good, we rarely argue! So that’s why I’m so confused. I rather tell him there and then if he’s upset me but he can be very immature and every few months have a temper tantrum saying I annoy him and won’t talk to me, only one thing needs to trigger himLike before he had a lot of university work and I didn’t realise how much he had because he didn’t tell me! so not knowing this I rang him asking him something I can’t remember what but I could tell he had an attitude and when I put the phone down he sent me texts ranting all I do is moan and wouldn’t talk to me all night, later he said sorry he’s stressed with university work but I’m not psychic and it’s no excuse to treat me like thatI always support him with university, I ask if he wants to borrow my laptop, if I can test him on exams, not see him for weeks whilst he studies and encourage him all the time, I admit I feel sad and I miss him but I honestly want him to do well.
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