A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had a major fight with my best friend, he finished the friendship and he wants nothing to do with me. This happened 6 months ago. I've moved to the next city so I don't see him anymore, however he still hangs out with mutual friends that I'm in contact with.I have 2 dilemmas:One mutual friend in one group of friends who doesn't realize we fell out has organized a meal reunion where me, him and 20 other friends are invited. Another girl will be present there that he's friends with. It was her and another girl who will be there who pressurized him to end the friendship. However, about 20 people will be attending so enough to get lost in the crowd with others who are good friends of mine.My issue is that he said he doesn't want to see me ever again, and I'm anxious about meeting him, mainly because it ended so badly, he was angry and vindictive and the girl who pressurized him to end our friendship is smug and has become his best friend. She'll be at this event. She loved hearing how our friendship was disintegrating and gave her 2 cents worth. I actually don't want to meet up with him as it makes me nervous. Maybe in another 6 month's time I will be more relaxed about the situation.The other situation another group of mutual friends involving my ex-friend. This is more worrying that the first dilemma as my ex-friend hangs out with these mutual friends all the time. These mutual friends started off as my friends and I introduced them to my ex-friend. However, since I've moved to the next city, they have become very close with my ex-friend and sided with his side of the story.Now I never had the chance to put my side of the story to them, and you'd think we're all smart that they'd form their own opinions, however my friend is a Jim Carrey type so they all think he's funny, even though they know he's agressive and flys off the handle (I'm not the only person he's suddenly ended friendships with). My issue is that so far I've maintained dignity and not slated him, which would make his personality look ugly, I'm taking the high moral ground which is proving difficult as I was treated badly. The thing is because he sees my mutual friends every day they are becoming firm friends and slowly I'm being pushed out of the ring.I know they would have said they don't want to get involved in any bloodbath between me and him, but I don't want to lose their friendships, because after all what went on is between me and him and doesn't involve them. It's just this guy would have put pressure on them to agree with his side of the story and gets possessive about friendships. He would get bitter if he knew they are contacting me about meeting up.Even though they know about our friendship ending, I haven't told them about it or asked them about him or asked them to take sides.Also I'm thinking about moving back to the city where everyone lives.What do I do?Sometimes I think the truth will come out, or what goes around comes around, but I'm not sure that's true and besides I just want to keep in contact with my mutual friends, but I can tell that before they were all warm and friendly to me and now they are cool and distant in conversations with me. I just really don't want to lose friendships with my old friends.What do I do for both situations?
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female
reader, freebird  +, writes (29 May 2009):
 Hey there,
I think you need to be more clear about what you want. All your friends seem to be not understanding your side of the story. So you could take this opportunity to clear these misunderstandings. Also what is not clear from your question is that whether you were romantically involved with this ex friend of yours. were you? If so, are you looking forward to uniting with him again? In that case you would want to play the situation well. It will be best to meet up with him alone than with a bunch of friends some of whom seem to be your enemies.
Be more clear about your preferences and also whether any of these friends are worth hanging out with. You can find a new set of friends too!
cheers,
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